Monday, July 10, 2006

Satire?

Talk about getting people mad. I wrote a blog on Caroline Weber who wrote her "satire" piece titled "I am totally psyched for this abortion!".

This article is not for kids or the weak spirited.

First of all, who are we talking about? We are talking about a woman who supports the murder of over 3,000 babies/human beings every single day. We are talking about a woman who supports the suctioning out of brains from human beings to collapse their skulls in order to remove their dead carcases from the women who have chosen to kill their children. A woman who likely supports the killing of a fully developed 9 month old baby so that the poor mother doesn't have to buy diapers, or live with the trauma of having to raise a child.

Needless to say, a few people wanted to let me know that I was a dolt for thinking that her article was real. As a matter of fact, call me a dolt, because in the beginning I really did think it was real. Why? because I meet women like her in the field all the time. Anyway, I wrote the blog in a way that was meant to point out how psychotic the pro-abortion movement is. I have been at abortion mills, picketed government buildings, parks and more. I have heard a lot, and if you think that this woman just "sounded" nuts, let me tell you what a woman told me a couple of months ago.

A woman was watching us put up GAP (genocidal awareness project) signs. She was lying on a blanket enjoying the summer day. I went up to her after we got them up & asked her what she thought about them. She said that they were horrible and that she knows what abortion is & that it can be horrible. I thought she was on the pro-life side. I was wrong. She followed it up with the usual pro-abort midstream thinker statement "I disagree with it, but I wouldn't tell a woman what to do with her body". I did a double-take & continued the conversation. "Why wouldn't you have the right to tell a woman that she can't kill her child?" I asked.

Because it's the way things go
> What do you mean?
There are just things that happen the way they do
> What?
There are many things that happen & we don't have control over them, that's just the way it is
> An abortion is just killing a child at an early age right?
Right
> And that's ok with you?
Might be
> "Ok, let me pose this scenario to you, let's say there's a woman standing in front of you. Her young daughter is yanking at her dress pulling on it saying "mama" over & over, let's say she's a real pest.
Ok
> Then, suddenly, her mother reaches down & strangles that child to death. Is that okay with you?
Might be

---
About this time I have goose bumps & for one of those many moments in my life I'm really scared of another human being.
---

> I say, all right, how about this, a man comes up to you & rapes you viciously, cuts your throat & throws your lifeless body to the ground, only to walk away with a smile on his face...would that be okay with you?

Her - Maybe...it would just be the way things go, so be it.

Let me tell you, this conversation lasted a while & I couldn't believe the things she was saying. She spoke with a perfectly straight face, was totally honest, & scared me out of my mind. I believe that people who believe that the murder of children/human beings in the womb are the ones who have lost their minds & should be feared.

Mess Weber summed up her article with:

"If my HMO wouldn’t have bowed to their pressure not to cover oral contraceptives, I never would’ve gotten pregnant in the first place."

Exactly, people like her blame their pregnancies and consequential abortions on the pro-life movement. It's all our fault that she would go to bed with a man who would be more than happy to get her pregnant.

Finally, let's look at some words of wisdom from one of the angry people:

"You are slavers who want women as nothing more than broodmares. Slavers are an evil pox on humanity and it's usually you religious freaks that do it in the name of GOD. This was a satire you f___ing sanctimonious slavers! If you are the best humanity has to offer, then we are all doomed!"

Now there's a pro-abort meltdown for you.

Satire? Was the article aiming at the women who have the abortions or the people who believe it is better to save lives than kill them?

Hmm, let's look up the term satire:

“witty language used to convey insults or scorn; "he used sarcasm to upset his opponent"”

Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?

MonthlyCallForLife.com

United we stand - Divided they die - Pass it on

1 Comments:

Blogger Damon said...

Pete, please: listen carefully. "Caroline Weber" does not exist.

The Onion article you attacked is not "her piece." It was written by a comedy writer. Who is not "Caroline Weber," has not just had an abortion, and is more than likely not even a woman.

It is truly stunning that you do not understand this. That you still do not understand this, even after being mocked mercilessly on the previous thread. Even after being told, repeatedly, to get a clue, you're still in dire need of one. Oof.

Everyone who read that article--including plenty of pro-lifers, to judge by the previous comment thread--realized that it was a gag. You were the single person--quite possibly on the planet--who did not. This is a very illuminating sign about your inability to tell the difference between reality and your own flights of fancy, Pete. You need help, buddy. And badly.


In the story you tell in this post, it appears that you've been taken in again--this time by a woman who clearly wanted to get a psycho anti-abortion zealot out of her face and who therefore decided to feed him a line of bullshit to see how much he'd accept. Her little plan appears to have worked far better than she could reasonably have expected.


The point of the Onion satire, of course, is that women who are "psyched" about having an abortion do not exist in the real world. The reason that piece is funny is because it shows the absurdity of the world you seriously believe you are living in. Everyone (even pro-lifers) recognizes how absurd the "Caroline Weber" caricature is. Everyone, that is, except for you.

Take. The. Hint. You're living in a whacked-out fantasy, Pete. For your own sake, please return to the real world.
Rieux | 07.11.06 - 1:13 am | #

Gravatar Good God you're dumb! Seriously, how do you figure out how to turn on the computer every morning? Does someone do it for you, or do you try to type a post on the coffee maker first?
Marsupial | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 1:15 am | #

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Yes, the Onion article is a piece of satire. It satirises both sides of the abortion debate. I suspect that's why the Onion decided to included it in the list of articles from 1999 that they reckon are still funny today.

Needless to say, as a fake opinion piece, it's completely and utterly fictitious.

Still funny, though.
Sam Kington | 07.11.06 - 1:21 am | #

You seem to need words of one syllable:

There... is... no... Miss... Web-buh.
Beve | 07.11.06 - 1:22 am | #

You really are a true voice of neo-conservatism and republicanism. Please continue, it can only help.
scannerhead | 07.11.06 - 1:30 am | #

Pete, don't listen to these negative voices, keep posting, please keep posting now that you have an audience. You have so much to share with us all. And I personally believe that your second post on this article was at least as funny as the first. Give Miss Webber Hell!
Jeremy | 07.11.06 - 2:01 am | #

Gravatar Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?

I think you should feel very proud of yourself right now, Pete.
carel | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 2:06 am | #

Gravatar Jeremy, that's cruel.
BlogD | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 2:30 am | #

Gravatar ROFLMAO! Man, that is the 2nd best piece of hillarity, after the original post, I have read in YEARS!

Bravo, a true champion!
Looking To Abort Anything | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 2:55 am | #

Oh boy Pete.
Let me slow this down for you.

1) There is no Ms. Weber.

2) If you ever approached me and gave me that scenario about having my kid bitch at me and acted like as you say "a real pest" then I'd probably bend over and strangle the fucking thing too. or drown it in a lake.

Thanks, Roe v. Wade.

The way I look at it, you gotta get in as many abortions as possible before the bright thinkers of our time [such as yourself] have their way and tell women that they have no rights to their own bodies.

I'm definately going to bookmark your blog and probably link to your site. Have a fun day.

Love,
Me
Alan | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 3:00 am | #

Gravatar I'll say it again, because as youve demonstrated for yet another time, your reading comprehension is EXTREMELY limited.


Caroline Weber IS NOT REAL.


Thanks for upholding the rightwing nutjob stereotype so that we can keep laughing.
MM | 07.11.06 - 3:04 am | #

no amount of stammering is going to get you out of the enormous idiot hole you have dug for yourself. good thing the internet is anonymous because you'd have throngs of people driving past your house, pointing and laughing.
harumph | 07.11.06 - 3:11 am | #

No, I'm sad to say, you didn't "turn" anything "right back at them". All you did was make an obvious attempt at Damage Control through some really lame spin doctoring. The best you can do now is apologize to your readers for your obtuseness and get on with new business.

By the way, although not quite as recent as Ms.Weber's article, you might want to check out "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift. Some one needs to get on a soapbox about this horrible pamphlet and I think you've proven you're just the person to do it.

Better luck next time.
Gulliver | 07.11.06 - 3:12 am | #

Gravatar Dude... quit while you're ahead.

You can not stand against the onslaught of the internet.
thatoldsoul | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 3:14 am | #

Gravatar Don't listen to these heathens Pete, you know in your heart of hearts that Caroline Weber is just as real as I am. Keep believing child.
Jesus Christ | 07.11.06 - 3:15 am | #

Gravatar http://www.theonion.com/content/...tent/node/ 28251

DUDE! CHECK IT OUT GOD GIVES A SHOUT OUT BACK TO ALL HIS HOMIES THAT KEPT IT REAL!
Jay-Z | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 3:16 am | #

Gravatar Who doesn't love a dead baby... even a fake one can be fun to toss around the court on a warm summer afternoon.
trampish | 07.11.06 - 3:16 am | #

pete! one more thing, the people you rely on to criminalize abortion will never, ever go that far because they will be out of a job. you have been duped! figure out who the brownshirts are and read up on them because that is you.
to paraphrase lenny bruce:"men like you have thrived on the continuance of violence and disease, now all is pure, you're in the shithouse." wrap your head around that.
harumph | 07.11.06 - 3:20 am | #

Pete, you are an idiot. What business does a man have telling a woman what she can do with her body? None. I know you have a canned answer for that question all ready to go, but just let it go just this once.
Guy On Couch | 07.11.06 - 3:20 am | #

Gravatar Dude, are you for fucking real? You read the Onion and didn't immediately pick up that it was satire? That most of the stories in it are COMPLETELY made up? The first time I picked up a copy of the Onion, on one of my many trips to Chicago, I knew IMMEDIATELY that it was satire because everything it said was so ridiculous that it could not be real. Hell, I remember an Onion article about the shirtless and shoeless masses marching on Washington to demand equal rights in convinence stores and fast food joints.

Jesus H. Fucking Sodapop Christ, man!
Pervy McSmutbag | 07.11.06 - 3:20 am | #

"This article is not for kids or the weak spirited."


Are you saying you're both these?
yetti | 07.11.06 - 3:24 am | #

Gravatar Pro-Life, go figure... Though I don't agree with some abortions. However, if the health of the women is in risk, if she was raped, or if she is way too young (aka health at risk) then I support it so long it happens asap.
Brent | 07.11.06 - 3:26 am | #

Gravatar Haha class! Hey man did you know that Christ is convering to Islam... its in the same issue.

Any comments you would like to share with the world re this??

Thanks for sharing.. a great start to my day!

Jason
Jason | 07.11.06 - 3:28 am | #

Gravatar Seriously, guys, this Onion article was brought out of their archives from way back before they were doing satire. Ms Weber really did exist. I say did, because she no longer does, after the article was published and received widespread condemnation she OD'ed on Pop Tarts (the cinnamon and apple ones). Her cause celebre reached the shores of Tuvalu hence the concerns now about slice and dice, united we fall over divided we're split tomography bar tendersand fuel injection gathering up ostriches just under the Snickers...
Brian Wibblewobbul | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 3:30 am | #

you are out of touch with illinois values. the onion article is fiction. and the people you met "in the field" are fictitious. your "experience" is totally irrelevant, as it is refracted through your warping, pro-life, white, hegemonic gaze.

you are a misogynistic pig who wants to control a woman's body. you are out of touch.
observer | 07.11.06 - 3:31 am | #

Gravatar Please keep posting more on this issue. It wasn't satire, the Onion is a legitimate news source, look how long its been around. Look at the responses out there, you're not dumb they are. I laughed so hard that I am no longer constipated.

Thank You

ROFLMSO
Billy Bob | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 3:32 am | #

You haven't given up yet? My my, you are braver than I am. If I had made a gaffe like that (unlikely, as my IQ is above 50), I'd never ventured online again. Unplugged my computer, just to make sure. It's a comforting thought that the pro-life movement consists of drooling halfwits like you.
Friso | 07.11.06 - 3:32 am | #

hey petey, first, i doubt your so-called conversation took place. Secondly, the fact that you believed that is a remarkable badge of stupidity and i salute you. third, so that you know, i am telling all my friends, family, ANYONE i can about this in a hope to drive as much traffic as possible to see exactly how wacked out the pro-life extremists are and to see how wonderfully intelligent this "life-saving" group are....

geez...it's like the blind leading the blind...
reality | 07.11.06 - 3:38 am | #

Gravatar Jesus Fucking Tapdancing Chirist on a Cracker!

Your pitiful attempt to save face has only proven to everyone that you truly are a mindless idiot, who lacks any capacity to reason, but rather parrots around insanely irrational talking points that only the fringe end of the spectrum could possibly agree with.

Fucking hell, you're a moron!
Douche | 07.11.06 - 3:38 am | #

Gravatar You are probably too dumb to breath.
skitch | 07.11.06 - 3:39 am | #

Gravatar Dude! keep it up. I applaude your efforts...

IN a mere few posts you will have supported the pro choice cause more then you know.. as more people red your drivel and go... "and thy want me to believe them... why?"

You expect ANYONE who has all their teeth andhas their family tree actually branch beleive a single work or "fact" you try and present again?

Oh please. keep it up...
Cecilia | 07.11.06 - 3:41 am | #

Gravatar I would be so embarrassed if I were you. I mean, you've made a fool of yourself and your cause. Why not just shut down your blog now? Everyone reading it is only doing so to see what idiotic thing you write next. There are people all over the world laughing at your stupidity. How does it feel? I bet your completely oblivious.
William T. Foxtrot | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 3:48 am | #

Gravatar actually folks I think we are the ones that gonna look like fools! I think this post is in fact a class piece of satire in itself.

Seriously however... listen Pete how on earth can we listen to anything you say in the future with the slightest bit of respect? You have managed to destroy all of your credability with a single post and a mouyse click. Isn't the WWW amazing!

If I were you id get a new hobby... or apply for a job at the Onion!
John | 07.11.06 - 3:53 am | #

Wow...

I don't know what else to say. I mean, it's one thing to misinterpret Onion material as genuine reporting (the "liberal media" has been at it for years), but to follow up with what you wrote? I just... WOW.

Seriously, "Caroline Weber" is a pen name, a character. "She" doesn't exist, and never will.

The Onion is in the business of fake news. In other words, they take topics and twist them to such ludicrous degrees that they become funny and satirical.

The Onion is as real a newspaper as "The Colbert Report" is a real conservative's show.

I used to think that pro-lifers were just as intelligent and smart as me, just that we differed on this issue. The differences clearly go deeper than that.

You talk about how horrible it is to live in a world that tolerates abortion. When you take away the ability, the CHOICE, of a woman to have control over her own body (what's next, a man can't choose to get a vasectomy because that will kill potential fetuses in the future?), you know what slippery slope we'll be falling towards? Facism, where the few powerful people at the top of the governmental food chain will dictate everything a person does with their lives. Is that what you want? Do you really want to turn an American into the next Mussolini or Hitler? Cause that's what you're oppressive goals entail.

And don't forget, the Onion is fake news. Not real. As in: MADE UP!!!

Cheers!
Jason | 07.11.06 - 4:05 am | #

"Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?" No. Not really. Right at this moment you are about 4 to 6 hours from being the laughingstock of the internet. There were these guys from New Jersey, called the Hotti Brothers, they were the laughingstocks of the internet for about .. 4, 5 months? Something like that. Page after page after page of it. Well, maybe next time you'll check your facts before you start getting your preach on. Enjoy.
The Voice Of Reason | 07.11.06 - 4:10 am | #

You. Fail.
Johnny Styles | 07.11.06 - 4:18 am | #

http://fuckingidiot.ytmnsfw.com/
Sean Connery | 07.11.06 - 4:34 am | #

Gravatar No one seems to have called you asshat in this comment section yet.

asshat.
feed us a fetus | 07.11.06 - 4:47 am | #

God speed, man.
The Dude | 07.11.06 - 4:51 am | #

Gravatar Wow...just, wow.

You fail at the internet.
Ben | 07.11.06 - 4:57 am | #

Gravatar "Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you? "

Short answer; no.

Long answer; no.

Dig up, stupid.
Ben | 07.11.06 - 5:04 am | #

less babies is less choirboys. DO NOT KILL THE BABIES.
father jack | 07.11.06 - 5:05 am | #

Pete, you make me wish that Hitler really did rule the world so that his genocidal rule would purge the gene pool of inbred simians such as yourself.
Jesus | 07.11.06 - 5:05 am | #

Gravatar Darwin does not favor you, dude.

You didn't turn the satire anywhere, except up... on yourself.

Keep blogging. At this rate you're outdoing the Onion!
jesus | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:07 am | #

Gravatar Darwin does not favor you, dude.

You didn't turn the satire anywhere, except up... on yourself.

Keep blogging. At this rate you're outdoing the Onion!
jesus | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:07 am | #

"A woman who likely supports the killing of a fully developed 9 month old baby so that the poor mother doesn't have to buy diapers, or live with the trauma of having to raise a child."

I love how anyone who isn't pro-life wants to kill all babies in your mind. No shades of gray, just whatever blacks and whites keep your worldview happy.
Eevee | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:09 am | #

Just give up Pete. You'll only embarrass yourself more by continuing this discussion on The Onion promoting abortion.
Jesus | 07.11.06 - 5:12 am | #

Gravatar Ugh. It's people like you that make our cause look stupid. Yea, I'm pro-life but you make me ashamed of it. It's SATIRE, that article was fake, they where being SARCASTIC. It was ment to be funny, and it is. Gimme a break dude, you're one dumb human being.
Dusty | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:14 am | #

I hate both extreme liberals and conservatives, but people like you are the reason I support the Democrats.

PS Bush was elected because I lost a poker game to Satan.
God | 07.11.06 - 5:17 am | #

Gravatar Dude, pick up your computer got out into your backyard, dig a big hole and bury your computer, you shouldn't be on the interweb.

Firstly, you should never believe anything you read on the interweb without cross checking the evidence from at least 3 sources. If the internet told me water was wet I would be sceptical

Secondly ITS THE ONION! it's not real, it's made up, it's fiction. The article was probably written by some guy in his underwear while waiting for the pizza guy to show up to satiate his munchies

thirdly, you're a guy. Who the hell are you to be giving any kind of opinion on abortion? I'm a guy and I know enough to stay out of something that is clearly none of my business

seriously, give up on the internet, it's for the good of your own health
VMOS | 07.11.06 - 5:17 am | #

Excellent,

Pete, You are such a cliche that I start to doubt if you are not a fictitious character serving the pro-choice side.

...If not, it's time to start thinking out of the box,
dinges | 07.11.06 - 5:24 am | #

Gravatar "You fail at the internet.
- Ben"

scathing, mate, just scathing...
chrysalis | 07.11.06 - 5:40 am | #

Gravatar Dude...If I were you I'd cramming myself into the garbage disposal unit about now...
Or at least stuffing the barrel of a shotgun in my mouth...
Though you're probably too dumb to co-ordinate either of these efforts...
Just stay inside till you die of starvation...
I'm sure the challenge of the door-knob will ensure that this happens anyway...
Art Savage | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:41 am | #

Err... did anyone notice that Petey here appears to be having some trouble with his dictionary? His definition of sacrasm reads:

“witty language used to convey insults or scorn; "he used sarcasm to upset his opponent"”

So, either he's afflicted with a dictionary that uses the WRONG WORD in its example sentences, or he looked up "sarcasm" instead of "satire".

There *is* a difference between the two... that's an apt definition of sarcasm, which is a rhetorical device. For example, if I were to say, "Dude, Pete, you're a genius," that would be sarcasm.

Satire, on the other hand, is a literary form. In its basest mode it is merely sarcastic, but if used with any artistry... Pete's commentary here would certainly qualify as satirical, were it not, bafflingly, serious. Yet it contains no sarcastic statements.

So, lay off the poor guy. He can't even work a dictionary. No wonder he can't interact with the real world, and needs to break it down into something simpler.
lytefoot | 07.11.06 - 5:45 am | #

One more, with hammer if necessary to get through your thick skull.

There *is* no Caroline Weber. The article was a 7 year old piece of Satirical FICTION. You latched onto it as proof that women who have abortions are selfish and eeeeeevil. You used a sarcastic, satirical article as a source for your silly rant!

You screwed up. And instead of owning up to it, you stubbornly adhere to your post and the 'story' as if it's written in stone truth.

If you are a shining example of a Pro-lifer/Anti-choice, I think it's time to up the chlorine level in the genepool.
Nowonmai | 07.11.06 - 5:51 am | #

Thankyou for your words of comedy, well-timed to go with my midmorning coffee.

You, sir, are an idiot who preaches consideration of others (primarily the unborn). So, in the spirit of practicing consideration for those who think that 6.5 billion people is too many already, kindly save your rants until you have an appreciative audience. If that's only when you're alone in the smallest room in the house, so be it.

Now, back to my coffee.
Taranisus | 07.11.06 - 5:55 am | #

Gravatar Dude... quit while you're ahead.

Too late!
Lis Riba | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:58 am | #

Hi. You can learn more about "The Onion" from the following articles

CNN:
http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/pte...site/ index.html

USA Today:
http://www.usatoday.com/tech/new...13- theonion.htm

Financial Times:
http://specials.ft.com/ftit/ apri...T36M8JW0LC.html

Business Week:
http://www.businessweek.com/ tech...editorpicks.htm
(see Humor section under "Play" category)


I feel sorry that people are leaving nasty comments.. hope this experience will not boost your antagonism against pro-choice people.
a kind passer-by | 07.11.06 - 6:03 am | #

Look, I feel sorry for you, I really do.

I'm not going to call you an idiot like so many other people have but...do you think maybe you should take the chance to learn from this?

The fact that you believed something that most people instantly recognized as a joke...don't you think maybe your views of pro-choicers might be a little skewed?

People hear what they want to hear, and see what they want to see. You're so against abortion, it sounds like your view of women who have abortions has become twisted. You let the woman you had that conversation with, who was most likely messing with you, actually FRIGHTEN you. You shouldn't be letting people do this to you.

Try letting go of your zealous opinions for a bit, and try looking at things from an objective view point every once in a while.

Grown women aren't going to stop having sex any more than teenage boys are going to stop jacking off to porn. Maybe instead of saying that it's all the woman's fault for getting knocked up when she had no access to reliable contraceptives, you should think about supporting the widespread availability of contraceptives so women don't get pregnant, and outlawing late pregnancy abortions while keeping abortions early in the pregnancy before the baby starts developing brain waves legal.

A lot more people would listen, and you would look a lot less...crazy
Nicole | 07.11.06 - 6:15 am | #

Abortion of the brain IMHO.
points and laughs | 07.11.06 - 6:20 am | #

The nice thing is, he's making a fool of himself with English-speaking people all over the world.

Imagine this. It's like when you dream of being naked in public, except it's a hundred million person public, and it's ALL REAL!

Priceless.
l0ne | 07.11.06 - 6:35 am | #

Really, I wasn't going to comment on the other post. I figured, at 150 comments, you'd probably realized an embarrassing mistake and that there was no point in further clarifications.

Apparently, I was wrong, because instead of admiting, "Ok, I was fooled. Mea Culpa," and then getting on with your life, you've decided to make a half-hearted attempt at justifying your gaff! That story may have been touching. It may have been shocking. It isn't so when you're using it to rationalize/change-the-subject-from your own guliblity.

Rather than saying "Ok, haha. I get it know. 'Punked' or whatever," and then adding, "but back to the real issues, I believe in what I say," your post makes you look like a snarling attack hound. Rather than think about what just happened, or show any semblance of a thinking-human reaction, you lash out again. It's this kind of reaction that demeans what may be a valid point - on both sides of the issue.

So, to everyone, I say, "Learn to laugh at yourself. That way, you'll never cease to be amused."
Arcan | 07.11.06 - 6:40 am | #

oh, pete
Anonymous | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 6:49 am | #

You wanted your blog to be a platform for your views on abortion? Congratulations! You're famous now. I found your blog via reddit.com. You're well on the way to being the laughing stock of the English-speaking web.
Nos | 07.11.06 - 6:52 am | #

"Anyway, I wrote the blog in a way that was meant to point out how psychotic the pro-abortion movement is."

Guess what?

You failed.

A shame.

If it makes you feel better, you do appear to have convinced some people just how psychotic a certain other group can be...
-A pseudo-religious figure. | 07.11.06 - 7:00 am | #

Gravatar Well dude you get the republitard of the year award. There are a lot of republitards in the world but you are republitardest of them all.

I was going to give it to Bush you beat him!
malcontent | 07.11.06 - 7:26 am | #

Seriously Pete- the most constructive thing you can do right now is conclude that you lack the necessary qualifications to hold an opinion on anything.

Move on. Do yourself a favour, do us a favour, do humanity a favour.
Guy | 07.11.06 - 7:28 am | #

More please.
Phil | 07.11.06 - 7:30 am | #

Pete, you're doing incredible amounts of damage to the pro-life movement. Please, for the sake of all those unborn children, get a clue.
Guy | 07.11.06 - 7:49 am | #

Gravatar Pay no attention to these cruel and mocking people, Pete. Caroline Weber is real. You should continue to blog citing her article as an example of how evil and wrong the pro-choice movement is, and how pure and good the anti-choice movement is.

Please.
Jesurgislac | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:53 am | #

This is the best blog of comedy writings I've seen in a while.

... wait... you're serious? Wow.
Z | 07.11.06 - 7:58 am | #

You're trying to point out how psychotic the "pro-abortion" movement is? (Bad choice of wording, it's "PRO-CHOICE," you fuckwit.)

If anything, I think you have demonstrated how psychotic the anti-abortion movement is (Oh...I'm sorry...should I have called it "pro-life?).

Congratulations. You are the world's biggest moron. Okay, maybe not. But you're second to George W. Bush. I salute you.
Still laughing | 07.11.06 - 7:58 am | #

You're an idiot, you really are. Ever gotten pregnant? No? Oh so you've never had to choose between having somewhere to live and getting an abortion? No? Well that's too bad that you're speaking so passionately about something you've never experienced.

How about this. Round up all the men. Chop their dicks off. Then we'll be sure nobody will get pregnant!
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 8:01 am | #

Pete, you chose a great definition of "satire", right off Dictionary.com, but left out the most relevant part which just shy of references you. The full definition, as if written for you, reads:

satire

n : witty language used to convey insults or scorn; "he used sarcasm to upset his opponent"; "irony is wasted on the stupid"; "Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own"--Johathan Swift [syn: sarcasm, irony, caustic remark]

Source: WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University
A friend | 07.11.06 - 8:02 am | #

Gravatar Pete asks: Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?

Um. No, you didn't. You just furthered the impression that you're a fool. Keep up the good work.
Les | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 8:10 am | #

At what point did you decide that talking to other people was an excursion into "the field".

Was it before or after you, a male, began asking strange women how they would feel if "a man comes up to you & rapes you viciously, cuts your throat & throws your lifeless body to the ground, only to walk away with a smile on his face...would that be okay with you?"

I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't engage you in an in depth discussion on social issues after that.

Pete- I've decided you like Miss Weber must be a satirical creation aiming to show how willing the pro-choicers are to believe in the stupidity of pro-lifers. Otherwise you are an absolute horror.
A friend | 07.11.06 - 8:14 am | #

Gravatar Not all conservatives are stupid people, but all stupid people are conservative.

It's a conspiracy of the bright and educated, I tell ya!

Monty Stubble
Monty | 07.11.06 - 8:15 am | #

My god, you are a stupid fuck.

Some people should really just be banned from the Internet.
M | 07.11.06 - 8:16 am | #

Are you trying to turn yourself/organization into a walking joke?

The article is completely fake, the supposed, "author" of the article does not exist. Your article is getting pretty high up there on: http://www.digg.com (don't worry, its people laughing at you, not taking you serious).
FPStanley | 07.11.06 - 8:29 am | #

Gravatar This might well be my favorite part. I love it when people who are rabidly "pro-life," as they choose to call their right-wing fantasies of imposing their own morals on others with impunity, call for the deaths of others. Every sperm is sacred, we must not let them kill the children, abortion is murder! BLAHBLAHBLAH, and then they call for executions of these people, and wars against these other people, and death and mayhem ensue. This guy closes with the inspirational ditty: "United we stand - Divided they die - Pass it on". NICE. The Baby Jesus would be proud, I'm sure.
Samantha Clark | 07.11.06 - 8:38 am | #

Gravatar 'Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?'

Do you really want an honest answer?

You wouldn't recognize satire on ANY level. Now, go watch 'Life of Brian'.

I have to hold back not to include some petty insult. There is so much wrong in your articles, i can't even begin to point them out.
I have only one question; Who made you God?
anony mouse | 07.11.06 - 8:52 am | #

I think we've possibly been had by Pete. Pete gets, on average, 2 site hits a month. And one is his mother. So, in order to boost his hits, he does the most assinine thing you could possible do on the internets, on purpose, cite "the Onion" as a reputable source on anything, hoping it will be trackbacked on bigger and better blogs and draw people to his worthless blog, and making him feel like a his blog life has meaning. It worked, bringing in many people and making his hit counter spin. It's so successful he does it again, pretending he actually believes that "Miss Weber" is an actual, living person and not a fictional charactor like Sherlock Holmes or Harry Potter. Well, Pete, congrats. You have increased your blogs visibility and put off for another day the day when you give up blogging altogether because you realise no one but your mother gives a rat's ass about your thoughts regarding abortion.

Alternatively, Pete is just an complete douchebag. I can go either way.
Ryogam | 07.11.06 - 8:53 am | #

No, Pete, don't listen to these heathens! Their cries of foul are only reaffirmation that you're right! Your blog has had over 200 comments over the past couple of days, tons of people are reading you! You should double your efforts while you still have to spotlight!
Drealoth | 07.11.06 - 8:54 am | #

Man, you're addicted to these apocalyptic images - and yet, there are people currently living on earth who need help - victims of Tsunamis, natural disasters, and so on. And you choose to obsess on babies being scooped out of wombs. Hmmmm... my advice is go and get some help - just cos there's a lot of others out there who share your passion, doesn't make it good for you psychologically.
Karl | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 8:55 am | #

Gravatar Well, these posts clearly articulate why there is no respectability, no credibility and no sensibility in the Forced Breeding Agenda. Thanks for the laugh! It's much appreciated.
Lya kahlo | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 8:57 am | #

Gravatar "Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?"

No part of your posts were in any way satirical. A satire involves irony, wit and a presentation that prompts a double-take in order to truly get the joke. Read some more of the Onion and you'll start getting the gist of it.

All you've offered are knee-jerk reactions and uninsightful anecdotes. While I respect your ability to log in everyday and voice your concerns for a divisive issue, I would suggest that you:
1. Take a breath and consider all facets of a situation before you attempt to call someone or something out.
2. Please acquaint yourself with the concept and modern examples of satire, as the Onion and the over-the-top comments of the lady on the grass outside your rally have proven that you have the satirical consciousness of a brick wall.

Thank you and thank the 1st amendment.
Dude in VA | 07.11.06 - 8:58 am | #

Gravatar First of all, who are we talking about? We are talking about a woman who supports the murder of over 3,000 babies/human beings every single day.

Well, except that she doesn't exist.
Amber | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 9:03 am | #

I bet you're one of those people who think women ought to be barefoot and pregnant constantly, eh?

Maybe you should pull your head out of your ass and realize that the woman sounds like she was either trying to get a rouse out of you, or happened to be -stoned-.

Either way, fool's on you. Moron. Writing this response just screams 'Oops, I was an IDIOT and need to cover my ass. Let me think of an utterly LAME excuse and post it so that I can generate more traffic to my blog!!1!'
Kris | 07.11.06 - 9:07 am | #

My sister is still alive because of one of those "abortion mills." She was legally married when she had sex, and found that she would not be able to carry a child to term. It was not a case of the child or the mother (though in that case I would have chosen my sister, kthnksbai). NEITHER of them would have survived much past 4-5 months along. And still she agonized over the decision, because although we both strongly support the pro-choice position, we are both keenly aware of the ramifications of what she would have been doing. I walked her into that clinic between lines of people shouting into her face that she was a slut, a baby-killer, a murderer, and although this happened in the early 90's her white face and her tears are still imprinted on my memory. How could anyone show such a lack of Christian charity toward her??? As we sat in the waiting room, I watched the faces of the women there for abortions. Not ONE of them was laughing or joking or taking what was happening less than seriously. Meanwhile, I would like to point out the fallacy of sex within marriage: her church-sanctioned marriage fell apart--the minute he found out she was pregnant, her husband abandoned and divorced her. (By the way, she does not have psychological trauma from the abortion. She regrets not having a child, but the knowledge that she would not have had a child anyway--that both would be dead now--is an irrefutable argument.)

I thank God for those "abortion mills" you decry. Without them, I would not have my sister. And please re-examine your implicit assumptions that sex outside of marriage = unsafe and bad and sex in marriage = safe and good, and that every child can safely be carried to term.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 9:14 am | #

Gravatar Oh man, keep digging, keep digging.

You had that conversation with the woman at the pickets and it didn't once occur to you that she'd simply decided she didn't like you (I mean really, by all means put up pickets but going over to people and challenging them on their beliefs when they're just trying to chill out is going to make them think you're a dick), and decided to fuck with you by replying in the most asinine way she could muster, given her apathy for the conversation in total.

Even after she said she'd happily watch a mother strangle her child, even after she said she'd be happy to be raped and murdered, you were still convinced she was being perfectly serious? It didn't at any point occur to you that she was mocking you?

You, my friend, are one of the most gullible, naive people I've ever come into (virtual) contact with.

Just admit that you fucked up and misread the original article. There is honor in admitting one's errors. There is no honor in the path you are trying to pursue now.
George | 07.11.06 - 9:16 am | #

Gravatar http://www.wired.com/news/cultur.../1,63048- 1.html
just follow this link to under | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 9:18 am | #

Gravatar no I don't think so
luca | 07.11.06 - 9:19 am | #

Gravatar Is abortion child sacrifice? Really? Do people sacrifice their children to the god of conservative capitalism? Not defending pro-lifers, it seems in most instances they just want to generate more victims.
Hal McDoraform | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 9:19 am | #

Gravatar ITS A FUCKIN JOKE!!
Danny Lockard | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 9:23 am | #

Gravatar Dear God in Heaven, please please PLEASE tell me that your article is satire, too.

Pointed here from elesenet and I'm...boggled.

Dude, if the hole you dug yourself was any deeper, you'd be in freakin' China right now.
Dave | 07.11.06 - 9:23 am | #

Gravatar "Why? because I meet women like her in the field all the time."

You are not just gullible, you are a liar. Please don't call yourself a Christian if you believe that your cause justifies lying.
me | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 9:23 am | #

Gravatar you've been reddit'd lol..... seriously, the onion is a joke. There are no real stories in it.
Danny Lockard | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 9:25 am | #

This is the best publicity a dumb ass could get. I commend you.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 9:28 am | #

Gravatar Do you think that you've found the right target audience here, Pete? Maybe you have! Perhaps one of those Fox News cable shows will call you in a day or so, so get the dry-cleaner to tidy up your best jacket, OK? You and Ann Coulter might even be on a panel together - can you believe it?
Marc Buhler | 07.11.06 - 9:29 am | #

Just for the record:

1. Abortion is not murder

2. Pro-choice is pro-life

3. People who call themselves "pro-life" are actually pro-criminalization.

4. You're an idiot.

All clear now?
hillbilly ragger | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 9:30 am | #

Gravatar Oh... I also tried to say "think satire here" but that bit got lost in posting.

Remember - Satire, right? Fox News *might* come calling, but that would be irony in terms of *my* satire! Post away, see if the masses can be convinced. Long Live Your Internet Fame!

(signed) marc
Marc Buhler | 07.11.06 - 9:33 am | #

The thing that is most stunning about this post is ho wit illustrates a core principle of fundamentalist, dogmatic thinkers.

When you are wrong, just keep talking, preferably louder.
indredulous | 07.11.06 - 9:37 am | #

"Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?"

Hmmm...nope. You're still an idiot!
Ads | 07.11.06 - 9:43 am | #

Gravatar Pete! Keep Fighting! You got them on the ropes now! You have almost won this argument, don't give up now! The liberal babykillers can'ttake much more of your surgically honed logic.
The Lord Your God | 07.11.06 - 9:46 am | #

Gravatar I'm a male and you've definitely convinced me that I need to get in as many abortions done as possible (and soon).

THANKS!
Thanks Pete! | 07.11.06 - 9:46 am | #

Gravatar I think, perhaps, we have found another argument in favor of abortion.

Keep up the good work, Pete. It's people like you that make the job of rational thinking easier.
ctenidae | 07.11.06 - 9:47 am | #

It's important in our society for there to be a debate on all things, such that through reason and discourse we might advance ourselves for the good of all.

Abortion is a complex issue, and finding a path through it's difficulties requires compassion, intelligence, empathy and wisdom.

You however really are a fucking muppet. A clueless zombie of the highest order.

You've reinforced in many people's heads the belief that pro-lifers are brainless imbeciles with few if any of the above qualities.

Well done.

PS "Caroline Weber" isn't a real person.

PPS. Thanks for the best laugh I've had in ages.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 9:47 am | #

YAAFM
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 9:47 am | #

hey pete,

Thanks on behalf of the Internet for all you do. I just wish I had the opportunity to talk to you in public like the baby-killing woman you accost^H^H^H attempted to bring to the light. The reason that people say stuff like that to you is that you are a nutbag. Much like fingerpainting and playing in mud, messing with the minds of nutbags can be fun. You are a very fun guy, Pete. Keep up the good work and God bless you!
satyrist | 07.11.06 - 9:48 am | #

Gravatar Shhhh! Quiet, everyone! Nobody better tell Pete that the word "gullible" has been removed from the dictionary!
Satan | 07.11.06 - 9:56 am | #

here is an article about another woman you should pray for....oh yeah, she is real too..*wink**wink*

I Hope My Baby Doesn't Come Out All Fucked-Up And Shit


Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 9:58 am | #

Those voices in your hear are not Jesus calling out to you.

However, I think you should listen to them and put your whole head in front of the shotgun.

Just don't take anyone else out on your way to meet your maker (Flying Spagetti Monster).
Jumpjumpjump | 07.11.06 - 9:59 am | #

Come on Pete - what's with the sudden vow of silence? Puleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez post again - this is the best material I have ever read online. It's gold, I'm telling you. You're a freakin genius ya idiot.
bamboozled | 07.11.06 - 9:59 am | #

Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?

No, I think you are kidding yourself. You've only stirred up more people to think you are foolish. You could have bowed out gracefully by admitting you didn't realize you were responding to a satitirical article, but instead you try to use these fictional quotes to prove your points. But maybe that's what you want, since I frequently find that pro-lifers' arguments try to get people so emotional that they can't think logically anymore.
Chip Stone | 07.11.06 - 10:01 am | #

Gravatar Keep up the good work, Pete. I haven't laughed this hard since I slaughtered 3,000 innocent babies yesterday.
Christy | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:03 am | #

Gravatar Moran.
Kuta | 07.11.06 - 10:06 am | #

Gravatar Pete, please post more! You are a comedic genius!
Ms Weber | 07.11.06 - 10:06 am | #

Gravatar Since you asked, nope! You did not do 'a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them', you made yourself look like an even bigger moron.
norm declavier | 07.11.06 - 10:06 am | #

Ms. Weber. Does. Not. Exist.

I believe you may quite possibly be the blogosphere's thickest resident.
Anon | 07.11.06 - 10:09 am | #

wow. you're a complete sanctimonious idiot.
Dave | 07.11.06 - 10:10 am | #

Gravatar Geez you are a total moron.

Even worse, you're all hardcore pro life, and you're not a woman. Do you have a vagina? Do you ever have to worry about carrying an unwanted parasite in your body for 9 months?

Stop fucking with the laws and keep your bullshit beliefs off my girlfriend's body.
Jay Effex | 07.11.06 - 10:11 am | #

You STILL don't get it, do you? Even after 200+ people told you what an idiot you are, you STILL think the piece was serious?

There IS NO Caroline Weber. It's a made-up name. It was probably written by some 20-something guy called Jeff or whatever. The whole reason it's funny is because you pro-lifers actually think that people who have abortions think like that. But it's so ridiculously over-the-top that nobody could really fall for it... except you.

Oh, my, god. What a complete and utter moron. Do you have to wear headphones telling you to take a breath every couple of seconds?
John B | 07.11.06 - 10:12 am | #

Pete! No worries! Fred Phelps still loves and you needs your guidance...
www.godhatesfags.com
Drop Dead Phred | 07.11.06 - 10:13 am | #

A Modest Proposal For Preventing The Children of Poor People in Ireland From Being A Burden to Their Parents or Country, and For Making Them Beneficial to The Public.

-------------------------

It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags and importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants: who as they grow up either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.

I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom a very great additional grievance; and, therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the children of professed beggars; it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age who are born of parents in effect as little able to support them as those who demand our charity in the streets.

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of other projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in the computation. It is true, a child just dropped from its dam may be supported by her milk for a solar year, with little other nourishment; at most not above the value of 2s., which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such a manner as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall on the contrary contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing, of many thousands.

There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent among us! sacrificing the poor innocent babes I doubt more to avoid the expense than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman breast.

The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand c
Jonathan Swift | 07.11.06 - 10:14 am | #

Gravatar Is this meta-satire? If so, kudos to you, sir!
anomie | 07.11.06 - 10:15 am | #

Pete, I'm calling you on it: you have to be baiting people for a reaction.

I have to hand it to you, it's a pretty clever attack on people who think that pro-lifers are ignorant dopes who believe everything they read on the internet. An Onion article real? Comedy Gold, my friend. No one could possibly be stupid enough to think that the Onion was a real news publication, but you have convinced the ignorant masses that you are, indeed, that stupid.

You, sir, are a genius. I look forward to your next hoax.
Sum Yun Gai | 07.11.06 - 10:15 am | #

Gravatar Reading your blog makes me feel less stupid.

Thanks for lowering the bar.
jose | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:15 am | #

The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand couples who are able to maintain their own children, although I apprehend there cannot be so many, under the present distresses of the kingdom; but this being granted, there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident or disease within the year. There only remains one hundred and twenty thousand children of poor parents annually born. The question therefore is, how this number shall be reared and provided for, which, as I have already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture; we neither build houses (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing, till they arrive at six years old, except where they are of towardly parts, although I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier, during which time, they can however be properly looked upon only as probationers, as I have been informed by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who protested to me that he never knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.

I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve years old is no salable commodity; and even when they come to this age they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and half-a-crown at most on the exchange; which cannot turn to account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of nutriment and rags having been at least four times that value.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.
Jonathan Swift | 07.11.06 - 10:16 am | #

I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the hundred and twenty thousand children already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one-fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle or swine; and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in the sale to the persons of quality and fortune through the kingdom; always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.

I have reckoned upon a medium that a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, increaseth to 28 pounds.

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the children.

Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet, there are more children born in Roman Catholic countries about nine months after Lent than at any other season; therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of popish infants is at least three to one in this kingdom: and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage, by lessening the number of papists among us.

I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, laborers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend or his own family to dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants; the mother will have eight shillings net profit, and be fit for work till she produces another child.
Jonathan Swift | 07.11.06 - 10:16 am | #

Gravatar I am a pro-life republican dominionist who hates women and the gays and even I think you are a twat.
BushIsLord | 07.11.06 - 10:17 am | #

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.

As to our city of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.

A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this matter to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said that many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be well supplied by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age nor under twelve; so great a number of both sexes in every country being now ready to starve for want of work and service; and these to be disposed of by their parents, if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with due deference to so excellent a friend and so deserving a patriot, I cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my American acquaintance assured me, from frequent experience, that their flesh was generally tough and lean, like that of our schoolboys by continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable; and to fatten them would not answer the charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think, with humble submission be a loss to the public, because they soon would become breeders themselves; and besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to censure such a practice (although indeed very unjustly), as a little bordering upon cruelty; which, I confess, hath always been with me the strongest objection against any project, however so well intended.

But in order to justify my friend, he confessed that this expedient was put into his head by the famous Psalmanazar, a native of the island Formosa, who came from thence to London above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that in his country when any young person happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality as a prime dainty; and that in his time the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of state, and other great mandarins of the court, in joints from the gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this town, who without one single groat to their fortunes cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear at playhouse and assemblies in foreign fineries which they never will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.

Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, a
Jonathan Swift | 07.11.06 - 10:18 am | #

Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken to ease the nation of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is very well known that they are every day dying and rotting by cold and famine, and filth and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to the young laborers, they are now in as hopeful a condition; they cannot get work, and consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a degree that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labor, they have not strength to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.

I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.

For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the principal breeders of the nation as well as our most dangerous enemies; and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country than stay at home and pay tithes against their conscience to an episcopal curate.

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to distress and help to pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and money a thing unknown.

Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand children, from two years old and upward, cannot be computed at less than ten shillings a-piece per annum, the nation's stock will be thereby increased fifty thousand pounds per annum, beside the profit of a new dish introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom who have any refinement in taste. And the money will circulate among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own growth and manufacture.

Fourthly, The constant breeders, beside the gain of eight shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.

Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns; where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it to perfection, and consequently have their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating: and a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards or enforced by laws and penalties. It would increase the care and tende
Jonathan Swift | 07.11.06 - 10:19 am | #

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards or enforced by laws and penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers toward their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by the public, to their annual profit instead of expense. We should see an honest emulation among the married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as fond of their wives during the time of their pregnancy as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, their sows when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.

Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barreled beef, the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a well-grown, fat, yearling child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a lord mayor's feast or any other public entertainment. But this and many others I omit, being studious of brevity.

Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be constant customers for infants flesh, besides others who might have it at merry meetings, particularly at weddings and christenings, I compute that Dublin would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.
Jonathan Swift | 07.11.06 - 10:19 am | #

Gravatar Whoa. I've figured it allll out. Pete, you are a genius. Pete is not real. THIS is the ultimate satire, in and of itself.

GENIUS.

We are all idiots for believing that religious crazies actually would believe an onion piece so ridiculous, could be real.
ELaine | 07.11.06 - 10:19 am | #

I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised against this proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number of people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and 'twas indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon Earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neither cloaths, nor houshold furniture, except what is of our own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love our country, wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor acting any longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into our shop-keepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited to it.
Jonathan Swift | 07.11.06 - 10:20 am | #

Gravatar Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it: and Scrooge's name was good upon Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a doornail.

Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a doornail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a doornail.

Scrooge knew he was dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Scrooge and he were partners for I don't know how many years. Scrooge was his sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole assign, his sole residuary legatee, his sole friend, and sole mourner. And even Scrooge was not so dreadfully cut up by the sad event, but that he was an excellent man of business on the very day of the funeral, and solemnized it with an undoubted bargain.

The mention of Marley's funeral brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt that Marley was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. If we were not perfectly convinced that Hamlet's Father died before the play began, there would be nothing more remarkable in his taking a stroll at night, in an easterly wind, upon his own ramparts, than there would be in any other middle-aged gentleman rashly turning out after dark in a breezy spot-say Saint Paul's Churchyard for instance-literally to astonish his son's weak mind.

Scrooge never painted out Old Marley's name. There it stood, years afterwards, above the ware house door: Scrooge and Marley. The firm was known as Scrooge and Marley. Sometimes people new to the business called Scrooge Scrooge, and sometimes Marley, but he answered to both names. It was all the same to him.

Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shriveled his cheek, stiffened his gait, made his eyes red, his thin lips blue, and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice. A frosty rime was on his head, and on his eyebrows, and his wiry chin. He carried his own low temperature always about with him; he iced his office in the dog days; and didn't thaw it one degree at Christmas.

External heat and cold had little influence on Scrooge. No warmth could warm, nor wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew was bitterer than he; no falling snow was more in
Charles Dickens | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:21 am | #

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like expedients, 'till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice.

But, as to my self, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expence and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will not bear exportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.

After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion as to reject any offer proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, as things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for an hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, there being a round million of creatures in human figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock would leave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling, adding those who are beggars by profession to the bulk of farmers, cottagers, and laborers, with their wives and children who are beggars in effect: I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold as to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold for food, at a year old in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes as they have since gone through by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of entailing the like or greater miseries upon their breed for ever.
Jonathan Swift | 07.11.06 - 10:21 am | #

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children by which I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and my wife past child-bearing.

The End
Jonathan Swift | 07.11.06 - 10:21 am | #

Gravatar Nope. I'm afraid that all you have managed to do is make yourself look even more silly this time around. You really still don't seem to get it.

Give it up now before you make a complete, total and utter fool of yourself. As opposed to just a complete and total one.
Mad Dogs and Englishmen | 07.11.06 - 10:22 am | #

Another article from the Onion, you thick-fuck:

http://www.theonion.com/content/...28&special=2002
------------------------
Titled: Just Wait 'Til I Get These Fucking Rubber Bands Off
By: Freddie The Lobster
------------------------
Jesus Christ | 07.11.06 - 10:23 am | #

Gravatar Chapter I

Treats of the place where Oliver Twist was Born; and of the Circumstances attending his Birth.

Among other public buildings in a certain town, which for many reasons it will be prudent to refrain from mentioning, and to which I will assign no fictitious name, there is one anciently common to most towns, great or small: to wit, a workhouse; and in this workhouse was born: on a day and date which I need not trouble myself to repeat, inasmuch as it can be of no possible consequence to the reader, in this stage of the business at all events: the item of mortality whose name is prefixed to the head of this chapter.

For a long time after it was ushered into this world of sorrow and trouble, by the parish surgeon, it remained a matter of considerable doubt whether the child would survive to bear any name at all; in which case it is somewhat more than probable that these memoirs would never have appeared; or, if they had, that being comprised within a couple of pages, they would have possessed the inestimable merit of being the most concise and faithful specimen of biography, extant in the literature of any age or country.

Although I am not disposed to maintain that the being born in a workhouse, is in itself the most fortunate and enviable circumstance that can possibly befal a human being, I do mean to say that in this particular instance, it was the best thing for Oliver Twist that could by possibility have occurred. The fact is, that there was considerable difficulty in inducing Oliver to take upon himself the office of respiration,-a troublesome practice, but one which custom has rendered necessary to our easy existence; and for some time he lay gasping on a little flock mattress, rather unequally poised between this world and the next: the balance being decidedly in favour of the latter. Now, if, during this brief period, Oliver had been surrounded by careful grandmothers, anxious aunts, experienced nurses, and doctors of profound wisdom, he would most inevitably and indubitably have been killed in no time. There being nobody by, however, but a pauper old woman, who was rendered rather misty by an unwonted allowance of beer; and a parish surgeon who did such matters by contract; Oliver and Nature fought out the point between them. The result was, that, after a few struggles, Oliver breathed, sneezed, and proceeded to advertise to the inmates of the workhouse the fact of a new burden having been imposed upon the parish, by setting up as loud a cry as could reasonably have been expected from a male infant who had not been possessed of that very useful appendage, a voice, for a much longer space of time than three minutes and a quarter.

As Oliver gave this first proof of the free and proper action of his lungs, the patchwork coverlet which was carelessly flung over the iron bedstead, rustled; the pale face of a young woman was raised feebly from the pillow; and a faint voice imperfectly articulated the words, "Let me see the
Charles Dickens | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:24 am | #

Hmm...

It seems that you *are* a dolt.
Bob | 07.11.06 - 10:24 am | #

Gravatar child, and die."

The surgeon had been sitting with his face turned towards the fire: giving the palms of his hands, a warm and a rub alternately. As the young woman spoke, he rose, and advancing to the bed's head, said, with more kindness than might have been expected of him:

"Oh, you must not talk about dying yet."

"Lor bless her dear heart, no!" interposed the nurse, hastily depositing in her pocket a green glass bottle, the contents of which she had been tasting in a corner with evident satisfaction. "Lor bless her dear heart, when she has lived as long as I have, sir, and had thirteen children of her own, and all on 'em dead except two, and them in the wurkus with me, she'll know better than to take on in that way, bless her dear heart! Think what it is to be a mother, there's a dear young lamb, do."

Apparently this consolatory perspective of a mother's prospects, failed in producing its due effect. The patient shook her head, and stretched out her hand towards the child.

The surgeon deposited it in her arms. She imprinted her cold white lips passionately on its forehead; passed her hands over her face; gazed wildly round; shuddered; fell back-and died. They chafed her breast, hands, and temples; but the blood had stopped for ever. They talked of hope and comfort. They had been strangers too long.

"It's all over, Mrs. Thingummy!" said the surgeon at last.

"Ah, poor dear, so it is!" said the nurse, picking up the cork of the green bottle which had fallen out on the pillow as she stooped to take up the child. "Poor dear!"

"You needn't mind sending up to me, if the child cries, nurse," said the surgeon, putting on his gloves with great deliberation. "It's very likely it will be troublesome. Give it a little gruel7 if it is." He put on his hat, and, pausing by the bed-side on his way to the door, added "She was a good-looking girl, too; where did she come from?"

"She was brought here last night," replied the old woman, "by the overseer's order. She was found lying in the street. She had walked some distance, for her shoes were worn to pieces; but where she came from, or where she was going to, nobody knows."
Charles Dickens | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:25 am | #

What a way to start my day! Tears rolling down my face, had to go pee I was laughing so hard!

Dude, please keep up the fabulous comedy writing. Perhaps you should contact The Onion to be on their staff. Your shit is way funnier than anything I've ever read on The Onion!

Seriously though...you are digging yourself in deeper. Step up to the plate, admit you made a mistake and suck it up. You are only making yourself look stupider and stupider and you are proving the hypothesis that you pro-lifers are a bunch of batshit crazy lunatics.

On a serious side note...you people are so Jesus Christ on a Chariot jumped up about your beliefs--why don't y'all put your money where your mouth is? Since you think there should be no abortions, are you willing to pay for the medical care and support these babies that you insist should be brought into the world regardless of how their life is going to be? You gonna be there in the delivery room to offer support and a helping hand? You gonna yank out your checkbook and help put clothes on these kids' backs? You gonna be there to babysit when the mother has to go work at her minimum wage job to support the kid that YOU insisted be brought into the world?

No? I didn't think so. Until you are ready to do those things, shut the fuck up about your insane ravings. You, sir, are a lunatic of the highest order and your mother should have drowned you at birth.
Jane Roe | 07.11.06 - 10:27 am | #

Abortion mill? Where's the wheel?
Stopper | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:27 am | #

That girl that kept telling you "might be" sounded like she thought you were a dumbass and hoped that if she gave you vague answers that you'd get the hint and leave her alone.
Drew Yates | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:27 am | #

Gravatar congradulations on being fooled by a comedy site! Think too highly of yourself, eh?

Here's a clue: religious extremism is all the same: there are plenty of christian terrorists out there, in fact, you're more likely to be blown up by one of them than any other extremist!
Guess what! You're one of them, and that makes you as despicable as the rest!
IamClosedMindedToo | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:29 am | #

Gravatar Are you spotting a trend in the comments?

Asshat.

Though I'm prepared to look stupid if you are, in fact, taking the piss and I haven't spotted the subtle clues.
Nick | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:30 am | #

Gravatar Classic.

All this bitchin about killin "babies" from someone who's signature is "United we stand - Divided they die - Pass it on" Jesus would be proud, he was all for killing those who disagreed with him... oh... wait...
BOY-U-R-DUMB | 07.11.06 - 10:31 am | #

Gravatar I have proof that there is a God now--He let someone like you have this opportunity to help expose the lack of Christianity in the anti-abortion movement.
John Byron | 07.11.06 - 10:34 am | #

No.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 10:34 am | #

Gravatar Hey Pete don't listen to these wackos. You and I know in our hearts that your message is true and that you are only doing God's work.
Father John Geoghan | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:35 am | #

Gravatar and youre still an idiot.
Rob | 07.11.06 - 10:40 am | #

Gravatar By the way, since satire is "irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity," The Onion definitely did its job. It exposed you, and you have clearly been rightfully attacked in the process. 'Stupidity' is clearly applicable here, but I will not give you enough credit to say that yours was folly. Folly usually applies to someone with good intentions who made a mistake, and I don't credit you with enough intelligence to have good intentions. As for vice, you have it in spades.

My source for the definition, by the way, was dictionary.com. You may want to start learning a thing or two about how to gather sources. Anecdotal prefaces like "I meet women like her in the field all the time" is usually a coverup for having no real evidence and either bastardizing or making up your own.

I'll bet people in your own organization are discussing ways to keep you quiet. You'll be like the idiot manchild locked in the fruit cellar.
John Byron | 07.11.06 - 10:43 am | #

Pete here is what you could call one of my best practical jokes on the world. Second only to the bonobo. (Me, I love those bonobos)



Enjoy life
God | 07.11.06 - 10:46 am | #

Gravatar Sweet Jesus, stop posting this nonsense and get back to work -- those elevators can't run by themselves!
George W. | 07.11.06 - 10:50 am | #

Gravatar Pete dude get a grip.. you have fookin lost it mate.

either you are unbelievably stupid or your a comic genius.

I think your opposition to "killing babies" is that your mum tried it with you but only managed to remove your brain!
Pete you twat | 07.11.06 - 10:55 am | #

Your stupidity is truly frightening.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 11:07 am | #

If Pete's goal was to show what kind of reactions people who think pro-lifers are idiots have, he's failed.

Even pro-lifers think he's an idiot.

If they didn't, the tone of the comments would be more varied instead of the almost universal "you are an asshat."
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 11:07 am | #

I understand you feel strongly about this subject as you're clearly the victim of a botched abortion. It must be tough being forced to go on with only half a brain.
your brain on drugs | 07.11.06 - 11:10 am | #

You say you've actually MET people in the "field" that are "psyched about abortion"? I find that really hard to believe.

Lying is a sin, brother. Read up on that.
Stan | 07.11.06 - 11:10 am | #

Gravatar "Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?

I think you should feel very proud of yourself right now, Pete.
carel"

Your piece was not satire. Not even close. And it is clear from today's posting that you are embarrassed that you were fooled. There's nothing wrong with voicing your beliefs, but dude, quit trying to cover. No one thinks you really knew that Onion article was satire.
slattern | 07.11.06 - 11:10 am | #

this follow-up only made you look infinitely dumber.
anonymous | 07.11.06 - 11:16 am | #

Pete, leave those women alone. I can't think of one woman who I know has had an abortion who is really going to throw an abortion party. If that's what you believe, then you're wrong and incredibly stupid. Not to mention that you sound like a complete liar to begin with, as though people like Caroline Webber existed. They don't, which is why it's satire. Get it? No. Well, I don't expect you to.

If women don't want to be mothers and still have sex, they have a right to do so, unless you're committed to financially supporting all women who are pregnant and considering abortion. Maybe you should. In fact, if I were a pro-lifer, I would set up a fund that would give a financial incentive to women who are considering abortions to keep their babies.

But pro-lifers like to pretty much talk a lot of smack and then disappear once you have the baby. Isn't that right?

Sex is necessary, children aren't, which is why it makes sense that you don't get pregnant every time you have sex.

We're made to be sexual, but not all of us are made to be parents. Duh.
Rita | 07.11.06 - 11:18 am | #

i can't believe people this stupid actually exist
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 11:22 am | #

Wriggle. Squirm. Rant.

No don't.

Just face up to it. You blew it, you were taken in.

Have some dignity and move on.

The fact is that _noone_ involved in _any_ abortion treats it lightly.

And you have no right to interfere in the deeply personal and hard decision they have to make - one way or the other, it doesn't matter.

It's still hard, and it will always be hard.

Busybodies like you should be taking care of your own lives, not other peoples.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 11:28 am | #

Gravatar i can't believe people this stupid actually exist

All you need to do is look to the White House for proof
Pete's Brain Is Produce | 07.11.06 - 11:31 am | #

let me see if i can explain this- it's satire because abortion is bad and it's ridiculous to think that someone would be 'totally psyched' to get an abortion.
your problem is that you make the jump to outlawing abortion, which is not a direct connection to most people (yes, most, the polling bears this out)
i hope that helps.
respectfully yours
i'm explaining this | 07.11.06 - 11:32 am | #

oh no, please.... stop! I can't... breathe!! Oh! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ... TOO FUNNY... my sides hurt... I oh god.. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha..


Please don't quit while you're ahead. Please post something after this. I want to see how you spin this one!

You know, it DOES make you wonder if this blog is just a big meta-joke, also published by the Onion.

Now wouldn't THAT just be perfect?

Anon | 07.11.06 - 11:33 am | #

Gravatar Why are people being so rude to you? It's like they haven't read the original article you posted on. I mean RTFA or what. It cleary states that Caroline likes abortions and likes the war in Iraq too. the blogerati all seem unable to share your grasp on how bad a person she is. We all know that war is really just retro-active abortion. You give birth to a child, love it and nurture it for 18 years, and it gets sent off to die horribly thousands of miles away from home, for a cause that no one understands or even believes in!

you are so right to point out thisone fact. ALL pro-lifers MUST be against ALL wars to be pro-life.

thanks Pete for helping clear up this mess.
sissyphus | 07.11.06 - 11:35 am | #

Gravatar Oh my freakin' god, this is hilarious. This is one of the funniest blogs I have stumbled across!

I thought the riff on The Onion article was hilarious until I read the rest of the blog. This guy is a comic genius! Who would have thought that something as dull personal use of chopsticks could supply so much humor.

I don't know who you are, but keep it up. You are a riot!
regent | 07.11.06 - 11:37 am | #

Caroline Weber is real, I saw her yesterday at the mall!! Please post more, Pete. We need true voices like yours on teh Intranet!!
Pornlet. | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 11:43 am | #

Men who are against abortion have no right to comment about it until they get a vasectomy. Anything less is sheer hypocrisy.
NoSpermNoCry | 07.11.06 - 11:43 am | #

Gravatar Pete

You've had over 240 replies (and counting) to your original post, and over 160 to this one. I didn't read them all, but I couldn't find a single one that wasn't, with varying degrees of eloquence, calling you an idiot.

Have you had a sharp increase in traffic to your blog in the last few days? That's because your blog is being forwarded around the world as an example of a conservative blogger exhibiting spectacular levels of stupidity. You are a global laughing stock.

Your initial mistake in failing to recognise what was an obviously satirical article in a well-known satirical website reinforces the impression that pro-lifers are not very bright.

The fact that even after all this vilification you have not only left the original article up there but have posted another one in which you make the preposterous claim that you "did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them" reinforces the impression that pro-lifers are stubborn and dogmatic, and will stick to their opinion even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Even if you still don't understand the mistake you made, don't you have sufficient shame to take the article down and go away and think about it for a bit?

In short, you are doing nothing but damage to the cause you espouse.

I hope whoever wrote the 'Caroline Webber' article is aware of your response. They must be laughing their ass off.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 11:44 am | #

"Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the 'satire' right back at them, don’t you?"

Nope, it keeps coming back to you.

Face it - you were busted. Pwned. Outed as a fool. Trying to clean things up after the fact just makes it worse. If I were you, I'd just close up this blog, because you are going to be constantly and consistently mocked for months - for good cause.
***r*** | 07.11.06 - 11:45 am | #

Gravatar hey douchebag - what were you doing during the 70s????

FORNICATIN?? yeah you were....
hypocrite douchebag! fornicator
barbar | 07.11.06 - 11:45 am | #

So. Pete. You do something stupid. Like really, really stupid. Something that totally calls into question any other "facts" you "research." Then you complain about how mean people are, but continue to not get it. And claim you turned it around on anyone who thinks you're an idiot, who are therefore evil baby killing liberals.

Where's this taking-of-reponsibility guys like you preach?
Andre | 07.11.06 - 11:45 am | #

Gravatar As the woman in question here --

Yes, I was being obviously snarky in my conversation with someone whom I thought was a stupid and insane wingnut.

Now that I know I was right, I regret nothing! Just keep in mind that we have here a person who cannot tell reality from satire even when given obvious clues.

For example, when I said it might be o.k. for a woman to strangle her annoying child, I made an exagerated face like I was being choked. In no way did I keep a straight face until I realized this guy was insane and just couldn't 'get it'.

Keep in mind that the person I was talking to became quite agitated, so some of my replies were attempts to find ways to end the 'conversation' and get back to my peaceful day.

And no, Pete didn't turn 'our' satire right back at us. He just looks like an insane person on the internet. Not a great accomplishment.

Pete, I'd say get some psychiatric help. You cannot distinguish reality from satire. That is an extremely bad sign. And no, I'm not being sarcastic
Anonymous | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 11:48 am | #

"Though I'm prepared to look stupid if you are, in fact, taking the piss and I haven't spotted the subtle clues."

Perhaps it's all a cunning marketing campaign for some new fish-oil to improve the brain. Next week Pete will start taking the tablets and be transformed into a genius, rather than the mouth-breathing cretin he appears to be today.

Or not.
Curfew | 07.11.06 - 11:48 am | #

Gravatar Oh. My.

You really are stupid, aren't you?
Kevin Wolf | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 11:54 am | #

Gravatar I'm pro-choice. But I believe that, in a democratic society, people who disagree must find ways to respect each other, and listen to each other.

It is for that reason that I have to request that you PLEASE shut up.

See, you're making the pro-life movement look bad. And it makes it harder for me to respect your movement when you're in it.
Ian Osmond | 07.11.06 - 11:55 am | #

God bless you and your truth about happy baby killers. Your interviews in the field are as telling as the story you refer to.

I once knew a girl named Billy Joe who told me that even abortions are too much trouble. She just had the baby & then put it in a bag & threw it off the bridge!

I think it was the Tallahatchie Bridge.... check into this for me and blog about it.

Your truth must be told!
I'm with you buddy | 07.11.06 - 11:56 am | #

Gravatar putting aside your idiotic rant about a non-existant woman and fetus...

okay, here's the thing about "pro-lifers". you assume that most women just want to have lots and lots of sex, and kill lots and lots of babies to avoid responsibility. like it's fun, and the women in question don't think about the consequences.

who are you to judge whether or not a woman should have premarital sex? okay, the consequences could be pregnancy, but then who are you to take away one assurance that that won't happen. I haven't heard a single logical argument against oral contraceptives, the laws are so strict, pharmacists can refuse to fill prescriptions, and the drugs are so damn expensive and I don't see any rational person trying to ban condoms.

and I don't see the government stepping in to help out on the kids' health insurance. forget the mom and her health needs just through the pregnancy.

and I don't see the government forcing the father to stick around to help the mother through it all.

no, the government just says "no choice, you have to have the kid, but we're not gonna help you or him/her one bit afterwards, unless you want to fight through yards and yards of red tape just to get a weeks worth of antibiotics."

I understand your side of things, but calling a person who is pro-choice a "pro-abortionist" in an attempt to make them sound sinister and pro-murder is reprehensible. you are dehumanizing your opposition. and I know, for you personally, you believe an abortion is murder, and I'm not trying to personally attack you when I say that you don't have a valid point worth legislating over. scientists still don't agree over when life actually begins, and I don't think anyone is arguing that abortion should be legal through the third trimester (save for cases where the mother's health is in danger).

life is a beautiful thing, and I believe it begins at conception. but how can you prove that to people who don't even believe in G-d? and in a country where we are supposed to strictly separate church and state, how can you condemn people, and force your religious laws on them, when they disagree?

the abortion debate is incredibly fascinating, and it's made more complicated when you live in the US, where we need to create laws based on facts, not feelings and religion.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I truly believe your heart is in the right place, but your message and your results are terrible.
jenny | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 11:58 am | #

Gravatar Pete, My son, this is God speaking.

You have been a faithful follower and a right righteous blogger for the pro-life movement, so listen carefully to what I say:

You. Are. A. Complete. Fuckwit.

No, seriously. That you still think Caroline Weber is a real person just totally freaks out My mind. I'm just flabbergasted at your sheer halfwittedness and unable to continue My work killing sub-Saharan children with drought and disease because I can't stop laughing at you. And I'm omnipotent, as you know.

So I guess you've saved a few babies, albeit inadvertently.

Thanks for the laugh. (Sigh) Back to work.
GOD (yes, *that* one) | 07.11.06 - 11:59 am | #

Gravatar lol

Oh yeah, you really "threw it right back at them."

Speaking as if you don't even realize that this character Caroline Webber DOES NOT EXIST.

Speaking as if you don't get that the joke is almost no real woman is EVER EVEN REMOTELY HAPPY ABOUT THE CHOICE TO HAVE AN ABORTION.

Making ALL PRO-LIFERS and the ENTIRE PRO-LIFE MOVEMENT look like a bunch of blind idiots, too wrapped up in a sense of rightness to discuss the issue with ANYONE, thus perpetuating problems for BOTH SIDES.

Well done, idiot. You're helping the pro-choice movement right now.
cammila | 07.11.06 - 11:59 am | #

Gravatar why is it any of your business what other people do? it's not.

moron.
sarah | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:00 pm | #

...tard
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 12:02 pm | #

"As a matter of fact, call me a dolt, because in the beginning I really did think it was real."

Um...err...it goes WAY beyond dolt. I wonder if your parents regret being the in pro-life camp now that they can see the impact of their offspring. A true bump in the road of evolution.

At least you were entertaining! Seriously, for your most lasting contribution to the human race...do not procreate. Oh and encourage your circle of supporters and friends to avoid procreation as well...it's the only way to be sure on this abortion issue!
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 12:03 pm | #

Gravatar Who can forget George Bush's Prophectic words?
===============
"Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over"
http://www.theonion.com/content/...28&special=2001
===============

His devotion to the unborn knows no bounds!

===========
"Bush Nominates First-Trimester Fetus To Supreme Court"
http://www.theonion.com/content/...tent/node/ 40512
===========
owlbear1 | 07.11.06 - 12:03 pm | #

W....WT...WTF???WT HolyMotherFarking F?

Someone please tell me this guy escaped from a local insane asylum. Or tell me he lives in some country that is waaaaaay behind the times. Oh Lord please make it go away it's scaring me!

Hey Pete, I'm selling really big, really beautiful bridge. It's in San Francisco. I can't deliver it to you but you can sure visit it anytime you want. I'm only asking $10,000 (US) for it. Wanna talk?

*shaking head, wondering if Pete has had his tinfoil hat tuned up recently*
LawdyLawdyLawdy | 07.11.06 - 12:08 pm | #

if by "turning the 'satire' right back at them" you mean "completely missed the point of satire" then, yes, you did a magnificent job.

thank you for proving that righteousness and idiocy can be the same thing.

also, thank you for introducing the concept of irony into your piece, as you are burying the cause you are trying so hard to support.
marcello | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:08 pm | #

Gravatar Here I am a moderate Conservative telling people that The Right Wing isn't a bunch of moronic rednecks and YOU come along denouncing fictional characters on The Onion.

You're a fucking moron. Please vote Democrat.
You're Impossibly Stupid | 07.11.06 - 12:08 pm | #

Gravatar Interesting though that in his rush to defend his beliefs he never brought up the anti-contraceptive issue which was raised several times. The so called pro-life folks don't like you to know they are also against any and all contraceptives, including condoms which can save lives. How 'pro-life' is that?
pbrown | 07.11.06 - 12:09 pm | #

The Electronic Liberation Front invites you to join the Avocado Ribbon Campaign to end stupidity on the Internet.

The ELF is attempting to protect the resources of the Internet for the intelligent, by isolating the net from the stupid. To this end we have lobbied extensively for the permanent removal from the Internet of those persons with an IQ of less than 120. We are also endevoring to restrict the legislation and regulation of the internet by the stupid.

We look forward to a day when the stupid will not even be aware of the Internet, and they will be able to safely watch Alice reruns on the Superstation while we, the intelligent and wise, post anonymous messages in usenet forums and engage in other activities that stupid people have time and again shown they cannot comprehend.


Avocado Campaign Advocate | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:14 pm | #

Gravatar

Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?


No. You clearly showed yourself to be a fool.
Tristram | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:15 pm | #

Your supposedly heartfelt views on abortion are somewhat marred by the blatant ads for dubious Forex trading and equally dubious stock picks in your comments section. This gives the appearance that you're using a hot emotional issue as way of drawing traffic and luring people into dangerous get-rich-quick schemes from which, perhaps, you get a commission. You might want to rethink that.

By the way, of all the active, outspoken pro-choice advocates I've had the pleasure to have known, not one of them has been pro-abortion. I've yet to meet anyone who gets their kicks by getting pregnant just to have an abortion. Pro-choice people feel it is unethical to withold medical treatment from anyone, and also feel that women have the intelligence to make their own life choices. You may or may not agree with those propositions, but that is the stance.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 12:17 pm | #

Gravatar I must ask you! Are you a woman, "pete"?
coretactic | 07.11.06 - 12:17 pm | #

Gravatar You're famous now Pete! #1 on Google for the combined search term of 'Pete' and 'abortion'!

Congratulations!
Calladus | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:19 pm | #

Gravatar Pete,

While you were busy yukking it up at The Onion mommy killed me. I thought Caroline Weber would love me but instead she killed me and then had a post-abortion party and there was cake and ice cream and all I got was my brains sucked out.

And you didn't stop her! Mommy didn't know better but you did Pete. I blame YOU Pete!!
Caroline Webers fetus | 07.11.06 - 12:22 pm | #

Ignore the haters, Pete. You've done an incredible service to the Cause. Ms. Weber is clearly of the devil and your tireless efforts to expose her and her godless cohorts will be rewarded in the kingdom of Heaven. I eagerly await more of your lucid and exhaustively-researched blogging. Truly, your intellect is a light unto this world. Please offer us humble sinners but another mere morsel of your infinite wisdom, so that we may drag the adulterers out to the edge of our trailer park and stone to death as God intended. Onward, Christian soldier.
gramophone | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:23 pm | #

This is one of the most amazing things I have ever seen on the internet.

I assumed you would realize your obvious mistake and maybe chuckle, Pete... but to come back and criticize the (fictional!) woman for "her" satire? Amazing.

I'm sure you have met many women like her, Pete... all imaginary, like Ms Weber is.
josh | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:27 pm | #

For the record, and this is -just- for the record, I think every one is taking the "United we stand - Divided they die" tagline a bit incorrectly.

My impression was that it means that, without the "pro-life" group being united, there will be more abortions. Hence, "they", as in, the babies, will die.

I sincerely doubt he means that they're gonna be able to massacre all of the pro-choicers because they aren't united.
Kate | 07.11.06 - 12:28 pm | #

Gravatar Wow. Just wow.

And to be fair, there ARE some posts of support, two I think. My favourite is the person that explains they are pro-life and says:

"It is for that reason that I have to request that you PLEASE shut up."
sylvia | 07.11.06 - 12:28 pm | #

You are so retarded!

By the way, when people meet reall really stupid people like yourself they do sometimes take the piss (who the hell would want to debate with you?). Keep that in mind please.
almost | 07.11.06 - 12:29 pm | #

Gravatar gramophone has it right!
Pete is a true believer!! No matter how well satan disguises his lies (even as 'obvious' untruths) Pete's pure, virginal heart could see right through it all.

Pete can also see what a terrific preznit we have and how it's okay to give up our sybyl rights - they're evil and keep us from truly following God (or Mr. Cheney) to the promised land where all drive SUVs and have double-wide trailers.

Indeed, Onward Xtian Soldier! Onward!
Muskrat Hunter | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:30 pm | #

Gravatar Seriously, I read the Onion and thought "what a great satire on the pro-life arugment that women enjoy abortions! that they loooove to do it!" I'm just baffled that you again use it to justify your beliefs. I personally know a few girls who have had an abortion, one pill and one surgical, and neither one thought it was "a good time" which necessitated a "post-abortion party." Be a little more analytical. For all of us.
FemTeacher | 07.11.06 - 12:31 pm | #

just thought you'd like to know that we are laughing at you here:

http://www.killoggs.com/links//?...nks//? link=3691
kiche | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:31 pm | #

Gravatar Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?

Um hell no?

Yer a moron, you couldn't turn a door knob.
salvage | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:35 pm | #

cant...stop...laughing...

"pete" if that IS your real name...

props for sticking to your guns and all, but theres a time when you need to hold your hands up and admit that you just did something REALLY retarded...

you muppet.
The TailGunner | 07.11.06 - 12:36 pm | #

Gravatar It's amazing your brain can generate enough power to keep those legs moving.
Tom Paine | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:36 pm | #

I wish you had been aborted. It would have saved the government a lot of wasted money on education.
btcizzle | 07.11.06 - 12:38 pm | #

LOL !!! Hi from at Neowin.net forums

LOL!!!! Let's all laugh at this dumb dude.

We are all laughing it him too!!

Posting the presense of Neowin.net tech community forums

http://www.neowin.net
raggedjagged | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:39 pm | #

Gravatar Don't give yourself too much credit—we're not "mad," we're rolling on the floor with insane laughter. It was bad enough that you thought The Onion article was real in the first place, but now you STILL think that "Caroline Weber" is a real person and was writing her true feelings.

"Caroline Weber" is most likely a male comedy writer, although he's not nearly as funny as you are. With you around, who needs The Onion? Some other Onion stories you might want to blog about:

Astronomers Admit They Made Neptune Up

New Starbucks Opens In Rest Room Of Existing Starbucks

Don't Tell Me You've Never Wondered What Yoda's Penis Looks Like

Onion articles are completely fictitious and entirely made up, along with the author's names. These are not real people, and they are not real stories. This is obvious to everyone—well, except for you.
Guav | 07.11.06 - 12:40 pm | #

Gravatar There's nothing more satirical than a man saying he know's what's best for women, the middle class blaming the symtoms of poverty & ignorance on the poor and uneducated or judgemental Christians. Oh yeah, taking the Onion seriously is hysterical.
JennyG | 07.11.06 - 12:41 pm | #

Gravatar Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?
===
Actually, no you didn't. You still look really really.... not smart.
Dan | 07.11.06 - 12:42 pm | #

Gravatar Battle of wits... unarmed man... snicker.... guffaw....
Z. | 07.11.06 - 12:44 pm | #

I'd just like to thank you, Pete, for your outstanding and continuous contributions to the pro-choice cause. You're possibly doing even more for them than Ann Coulter is for liberalism. Please, don't think we aren't grateful.
Gwenhwyfaer | 07.11.06 - 12:45 pm | #

Dude. That's not the definition of satire. That's the definition of sarcasm.
Sam | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:45 pm | #

Backpedaling is NOT "turning the satire right back at them."

You made a really stupid mistake and have embarassed yourself (and your cause) in front of thousands of people. Everyone who's read your blog posts knows it. Not only had you responded seriously to a satire, but it was an OLD satire, so even if it had been real, your information would have been dated.

The best way of saving face at this point is to admit that you made a huge blunder and move on. An apology to the Internet community at large would be nice, but I'm not holding my breath.
Surprised At How Dumb People A | 07.11.06 - 12:46 pm | #

Congratulations!

You now have an increasingly large portion of the online world laughing at your ludicrous ineptitude.

I'd say that it's at least drawing attention to your cause, but when even the people on your side are calling you a moron, I think it's now fair to say that you've failed on every level. (Unless this blog is in fact satire itself, in which case you've done a masterful job.)

Just stop digging, man, seriously.
-A pseudo-religious figure. | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:51 pm | #

Gravatar Just keep on writing - you are a doing a great job of making an complete idiot of yourself and your position. Great work. In fact I'm beginning to think you may have actually infiltrated the anti-choice movement so you can destroy it.
susan | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 12:53 pm | #

please, do us conservative pro-lifers a favor and just admit you made a mistake. you are making us look like idiots.
pro-lifer | 07.11.06 - 12:57 pm | #

Wow. Just wow. Reading this blog feels like I'm scraping the absolute bottom of the internet barrel.

Pete, you are a naive puppet.
Rowan | 07.11.06 - 12:59 pm | #

Gravatar I've always wondered about pro-life people. Do you care what happens to babies once they're alive or only in the womb? Why aren't you racing to end childhood poverty and hunger? Why not the monthly fight to make sure every kid has health insurance? Why not fight to end child abuse and neglect? Why not make abortion unnecessary?
jill | 07.11.06 - 1:01 pm | #

Gravatar I actually blame Jeff Goldstein's cock.
Sherman | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 1:05 pm | #

Gravatar Wow, I can't believe how dumb people are. I thought in this day and age people knew what satire and comedy were.

Nothing in the onion is EVER true.. its all comedic..

Get a brain dude. Stop being an idiot.
Maurice | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 1:10 pm | #

So you not only believed that the article was meant to be truthful, but you then defended your hilariously asinine argument?

It is rare that I see someone so bowled over by his own stupidity.
Idiot | 07.11.06 - 1:11 pm | #

I hope all the pro-lifers out there take a good look at Pete here and reflect on how much you really want to be associated with this guy.

Oh and as you requested:

Pete, you are a dolt.
Nick | 07.11.06 - 1:13 pm | #

Gravatar Let's be equitable, please. In your defense, most of the commenters here are using stupid, underhanded and venal techniques like logical thought, irony, satire, etc. that are not part of the arsenal of verbal and written weapons available to you. It's simply not a fair fight. Don't let all of these negative comments stop you from telling people the TRUTH about those like you on the well-informed side of this debate.
Peri_P_Laneta | 07.11.06 - 1:15 pm | #

Gravatar Just keep in mind--it's been recently reported that at least 23% of the US population is as stupid (if not more stupid) than "Pete".

Worse yet (as someone else posted), they have guns and they vote Republican.
omigod | 07.11.06 - 1:19 pm | #

LOL, well, you're still a dumbshit.

And nothing you say will change that! On the contrary, it will only add to the hilarity.

Good job, sir, good job.
Aoede | 07.11.06 - 1:19 pm | #

Gravatar hahah, ya dude you sure did turn their "satire" back on them. Good job.

just out of curiosity, how is it working out for you being the laughing stock of the internet?
soul taker | 07.11.06 - 1:21 pm | #

Gravatar We at Morons Inc. would like to thank Pete for taking the heat off of us for the last few days. It was mighty nice of Pete. To say thank you, we are taking this opportunity to offer Pete a spiffy bridge, only today, at a low low low price...
Morons Inc. | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 1:21 pm | #

Gravatar Dear Imbecile,

The point is that your post is kind of like watching a presidential debate skit on Saturday Night Live and then saying, "OMG!! I saw teh debate and Bush said, etc." Now do you understand, or is that too hard?
J | 07.11.06 - 1:22 pm | #

I love abortions.
Abortion rules! | 07.11.06 - 1:24 pm | #

Gravatar "We're republicans, and that's the one way we don't like to kill things" - Stan Smith

Q: How do you fit 100 dead babies into the trunk of your car?

A: With a Blender!



Q: How do you get them out?

A: Tortilla Chips!


Seriously... where did this "Pro-Abort" thing come from, do you live in some fantasy land where people go out and get pregnant just so they can spend $500 on an abortion. People don't look at abortion as the answer to all of their problems, sure it's cheaper than having a kid, but contraceptive is even cheaper, and morally correct.


P.S. When was pre-marital sex against the law? I missed that. Congress must have passed that when I wasn't looking.
HattyHatHat | 07.11.06 - 1:24 pm | #

Gravatar Please step away from the keyboard! I feel sorry for people like you who take everything so literally and with an obvious humour bypass as well. Really how do you know when to breathe? You should not be allowed to have children. Ever. Stupidty has to die out!
Rob | 07.11.06 - 1:25 pm | #

Gravatar It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than post a follow-up blog and remove all doubt.
Abe | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 1:26 pm | #

Friend, you are well on your way to becoming the Claire Swires of the pro-life movement.

I give it another week, tops, before you get a phone call from Comedy Central.
marceline | 07.11.06 - 1:28 pm | #

Heckuva job, Petey.
GW | 07.11.06 - 1:30 pm | #

Gravatar Dear Pete,

If only I had aborted you.

Love,
Mom
Pete's mom | 07.11.06 - 1:30 pm | #

Oh, I almost forgot:

"As a matter of fact, call me a dolt, because in the beginning I really did think it was real."

As per your request:

You Are A Dolt.
-A pseudo-religious figure. | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 1:32 pm | #

Gravatar "Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?"

No, I don't. As many people have said, the piece satirises *both* sides in the abortion debate... BOTH sides. You most certainly did not satirise the Onion.

Pete, dude, just smile at your mistake and move on, stop digging.
Mark | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 1:33 pm | #

"First of all, who are we talking about?"

Er, we're talking about someone so stupid-to-the-bone to understand that the contents of "The Onion" are FICTION. (The big word I just used means "stuff that isn't true).
Steve | 07.11.06 - 1:34 pm | #

Gravatar I don't even want to get into the debate on a woman's right to choose, I just want to point out that the author has confused the definition of satire and the definition of sarcasm. Which is a typical tactic of utilizing confusing semantics rather than correct verbage.
Den | 07.11.06 - 1:37 pm | #

Gravatar funny thing is you say that all women who have abortions will regret it. i had one 6 years ago. still not regretting it!
jenni | 07.11.06 - 1:37 pm | #

Wow...Just...wow...
Reverend J | 07.11.06 - 1:39 pm | #

Here's some additional news from The Onion from May 10, 2006 that I think you should talk about.

The "Anti-Abortion Pill"
http://www.theonion.com/content/...tent/node/ 48199
BB | 07.11.06 - 1:40 pm | #

Gravatar Great job Pete! You've got those atheist libs on the ropes now! Soon as I get my job back we'll do lunch.
Tom Delay | 07.11.06 - 1:40 pm | #

"He went off on tangents so extended they met the tangents of Martians coming the other way."~~Steven Aylett

"In America fundamentalist Christians believe the world was created 6,000 years ago - in England people drink in bars that are older than that."~~Aylett

"Snapper believed he could release his prejudices only by expressing them, and would believe this until he was buried in worms and clay."~~ Aylett

"I’m serenaded by bullshit"~~Aylett


It's like Aylett & Pete went to the same Elemenatry School class or something.
Bosda Di'Chi | 07.11.06 - 1:43 pm | #

Gravatar Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

You're a moron!
Carol | 07.11.06 - 1:45 pm | #

Gravatar What do you mean I'm not real? Of course I am!!

P.S. My abortion was totally awesome!
Caroline Weber | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 1:45 pm | #

Gravatar I've always wondered about pro-life people. Do you care what happens to babies once they're alive or only in the womb? Why aren't you racing to end childhood poverty and hunger? Why not the monthly fight to make sure every kid has health insurance? Why not fight to end child abuse and neglect? Why not make abortion unnecessary?

Jill - What makes you think they're not trying? This is not a defense of Pete, I just don't think that all of the hard work that Christian relief organizations do world-wide should be ignored. I know good men and women who have put their lives on the line to provide aid to people no one else would help - and a few who lost their lives trying. The abortion issue is just one issue, it doesn't mean that people who are pro-life ignore the bigger picture.

Pete, you need to admit you were wrong and laugh it off. Pride cometh before the fall. And this is from one pro-lifer to another.
Academician | 07.11.06 - 1:46 pm | #

Wow... you just don't have any idea when people are fucking with you, do you? High-larious!
An Accident | 07.11.06 - 1:47 pm | #

Gravatar Pete = idiot.

BTW: God isn't real.

Get a clue...
Brian | 07.11.06 - 1:51 pm | #

This blog is like a huge, bloody, messy, auto accident...I can't stop looking.

Congrats, this blog is officially considered mere entertainment, and nothing more.
Faithful Onion Reader/Believer | 07.11.06 - 1:54 pm | #

I want to reply to your post but my abortion hurts.
Lou Rawles | 07.11.06 - 1:55 pm | #

Gravatar What do you mean I'm not real? Of course I am!!

P.S. My abortion was totally awesome!

Being Caroline's doctor, I must say that she was my best patient EVER! She was a pleasure to work on.
Caroline Weber's MD | 07.11.06 - 1:55 pm | #

Gravatar Petey, I really hope you become the posterboy for the Pro-Life movement. It seems you have a lot of wisdom to share.
Dylan | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 1:56 pm | #

OMG. Stop. Just, please stop.

Since you apparently ditched your literature classes, I'll explain that characters in a satire are generally exaggerated, as a way of pointing out how ridiculous their opinions are. In other words, there's a good chance that the writer of that piece agrees with you!

I really, really hope that you're no older than 14.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 1:56 pm | #

Gravatar The Internet Lynch mob strikes again.
Hal McDoraform | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 1:57 pm | #

Gravatar Hey idiot. The onion is SATIRE. This column you posted was SATIRE!

You are a freaking moron my god!
John1980 | 07.11.06 - 2:00 pm | #

Gravatar first of all, fetuses aren't babies.

second of all, you really are out of touch with reality if you think your totally embarrassing and stupid mistake can be glossed over in any way whatsoever - trying to do so only makes you a bigger idiot.

regarding the religious pro-capital-and-pro-corporal-punishment crowd - y'all are just one big disgusting biomass
Vivek | 07.11.06 - 2:01 pm | #

Gravatar George S. Kaufman once said "satire is what closes Saturday night."

Let me explain some things to you, Pete.

George S. Kaufman was a playwright. A play is where people pretend to be somebody they're not. Satire is a literary (books, plays) device where you mock something by making it look absurd (make fun of something). Saturday comes after Friday.

Mr. Kaufman's quote means "(stupid) people don't get satire." Thanks for proving the point.
bigdrumboy | 07.11.06 - 2:02 pm | #

Being an idiot is the least of Pete's offenses. Look how reprehensible:

"A woman went to the Falls Church abortion mill at 900 S. Washington st. on Saturday for an abortion. There were about 10 deathscorts present, but that didn't stop us from saving a life that day. After seeing us Pro-Life folks there & hearing us plead for her not to kill her child she burst into tears and turned away from the mill!"
klemptor | 07.11.06 - 2:03 pm | #

Just saw this, you might want to write an article about it too, since even though it satire, it might encourage people to believe in 60-foot girls making Cheney and Rumsfeld wed. I'm sure you have something to say about that.

Giant Girl Forces Playthings Cheney And Rumsfeld To Wed
http://www.theonion.com/content/...tent/node/ 29012
Jessica | 07.11.06 - 2:04 pm | #

Women who have abortion don't have parties. Most women would be agonized by such a decision, their body torn apart, their hearts mourning.

Jesus had compassion on whores, and sinners. But he had barely any patience for the righteous religious leaders of His time.

Practice compassion. Leave the judging to God.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 2:05 pm | #

Thanks. Thank you for continuing to feed my false hopes that all of the opponents of abortion in the world are as idiotic as you are.

I realize that these hopes are most likely false; but you're stupid enough to make up for a lot of them.
Jonathan Ehrich | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 2:11 pm | #

A Modest Proposal for preventing the children of poor people from being a burden on their parents or country, and for making them beneficial to the public.

by Dr. Jonathan Swift.



It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this great
town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the
roads and cabbin-doors crowded with beggars of the female sex,
followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and
importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers instead of
being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to
employ all their time in stroling to beg sustenance for their
helpless infants who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for
want of work, or leave their dear native country, to fight for
the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number
of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of
their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present
deplorable state of the kingdom, a very great additional
grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and
easy method of making these children sound and useful members of
the common-wealth, would deserve so well of the publick, as to
have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only
for the children of professed beggars: it is of a much greater
extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a
certain age, who are born of parents in effect as little able to
support them, as those who demand our charity in the streets.

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years, upon
this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes
of our projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in
their computation. It is true, a child just dropt from its dam,
may be supported by her milk, for a solar year, with little other
nourishment: at most not above the value of two shillings, which
the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her
lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old
that I propose to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead
of being a charge upon their parents, or the parish, or wanting
food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the
contrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly to the cloathing
of many thousands.

There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it
will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice
of women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent
among us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to
avoid the expence than the shame, which would move tears and pity
in the most savage and inhuman breast.

The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one
million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two
hundred thousand couple whose wives are
Jonathan Swift | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 2:15 pm | #

Gravatar Dear Sir:

Again i have to agree with you. We should ONLY kill children if they are heretics living in the middle east practicing false religions and sitting on our precious oil that was NOT created by dinosaurs because the earth is only 6,000 years old.

AS we say around here, "LIFE 0-9 MONTHS IS SACRED, AFTER THAT YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN!"

HOWEVER, I find your blog to be counter productive, you are feeding the fire of the Pro-Choice regime. From here on out just keep your opinions to pictures of aborted fetuses and dead babies covered in blood (like PETA does for animals) and let the rest of us do the talking for you.

I pray that the rapture takes you soon.

Sincerely yours,
Lou
Lou | 07.11.06 - 2:16 pm | #

Gravatar Welcome to the Aviary of the Columbus Zoo. We have here the "Common Dipwit" (Dipwitus Commonus). You can recognize a Dipwit in the wild by its loud calls and characteristic flying in circles. Dommon Dipwits can be found on all continents (except Antarctica) although the Common Dipwit rarely travels far from it's home. Dipwits are easily frightened and tend to lose feathers in frequent fights with scarecrows. The dipwit, though rarely dangerous, is frequently viewed as an annoyance in urban areas, where it leaves its copious and maloderous droppings.
Lori | 07.11.06 - 2:16 pm | #

Another poster wrote: good thing the internet is anonymous because you'd have throngs of people driving past your house, pointing and laughing.

Actually, the internet is not very anonymous. Might want to be more careful if you think it is. This bloggers address and phone number are very easy to find if you have a search engine and about three minutes. So go drive by and point and laugh. Maybe organize a counter protest on his lawn. I would love to hear about it.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 2:16 pm | #

Gravatar no. the onion is still funny, intentionally so (unlike you - you are hilarious, but you just don't know why). and you are still a retarded douchebag.
i laugh with merry contempt, at you, not with you.
die | 07.11.06 - 2:17 pm | #

Gravatar don't let your mom read this stuff man, or else she'll be thinking 'why didn't I have an abortion instead of having this moron?'
az | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 2:17 pm | #

Pete,

YAAFM
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 2:18 pm | #

lol

A failure is you. Your internet driver's license is hearby revoked.
TxMxP | 07.11.06 - 2:21 pm | #

"Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?"

way to go on turn the satire back at The Onion. I'm sure their sides hurt, from laughing.
Sound of Laughter | 07.11.06 - 2:22 pm | #

Your blog is an abortion to my braincells.
Paul | 07.11.06 - 2:23 pm | #

I think the first writer is pretty clear. The Onion is a publication of humor. Fiction. The story there was not real, nor was the "author" a real person.

As to the woman you claim to be quoting - she probably told you things designed to infuriate you in order to get rid of you.

Heck, I'd want to get rid of you if you approached me on the street. It is ironic (you do understand that word, right?) that you claim this woman followed up with "the usual pro-abort mainstream thinker statement" while your statements are full of nothing but the usual pro-life rhetoric and formulaic macros.

I'm sorry, but I just can't bring myself to label you as a pro-life mainstream thinker. Because you simply are not *thinking*.

And your nice attempt to cover your own behind for looking like a moron on a massive scale really doesn't help.

And you didn't do any kind of job of turning the satire back at them. Because you were serious, not satirical, and its clear that you missed the joke.

Maybe you want to live in your own little world and think you have any shred of credibility or dignity left after these debacles, but let me tell you as an outside observer - you don't. If your posting is an attempt to turn the satire around, you have failed miserably.

Everyone's laughing AT you, pal, not with you.
Sam | 07.11.06 - 2:27 pm | #

Gravatar No. You didn't do a good job of turning satire back on them. You're trying to save face for quoting a fake newspaper by an author that doesn't exist. Perhaps if you took a little less time harassing women who have made a mistake and a little more time to check your facts, you would realize that the Onion also did a story about Christ playing in the NBA in 1996.

Piss poor blogging and writing.
PanzerDSS | 07.11.06 - 2:27 pm | #

Gravatar You're an idiot.
Jennaratrix | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 2:29 pm | #

Gravatar I dunno guys, I really sympathize with Pete here. I mean, some of those pro-abortion types have such extreme views they're just about indistinguishable from "satire". I mean, if you think Caroline Weber is bad, it's even worse in Britain.

This guy actually thinks we should slaughter and eat unwanted babies!
metamanda | 07.11.06 - 2:29 pm | #

Gravatar A lot of people doubt that Pete actually buys into the Onion as a serious news outlet. I would point them to the web site for Landover Baptist Church:

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

Those folks get e-mails from people who take them seriously all the time. Yeah... I think Pete is dumb as a bag full of hammers -- half for his first post, half for this post.
nemo0037 | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 2:30 pm | #

You really are a moron...
Dolph | 07.11.06 - 2:31 pm | #

Gravatar As a representative of the group you claim to represent, I feel compelled to object on behalf of myself and by fellow abortees.

First of all, I would like to point out that many of us feel that your unwarranted assault on our rights to choose whether we live or die is offensive and meaningless. Some of us would prefer to continue to live in heaven, free from the constraints and pains of the world, with Jesus. It's quite a nice place. Open bar, hula girls, and man the martinis are just perfect.

At any rate, I feel, as an abortee at 12 weeks, that your intellect is not something to which one should aspire, and that your attempt to speak for us as representatives is offensive. I am perfectly capable of formulating my own arguments and, frankly, I'm more than capable of forming them far better than you, apparently. I may only be a 12 week old clump of loosely arranged cellular matter in the general form of a human being, but I at least know what satire is (there's plenty of spare time for reading in that carbon-based incubator).

At any rate, kindly do us all a favor and stop speaking on our behalf. We will manage our own lives (or lack thereof, I suppose) without your assistance.

Thank you.

Signed,

Dead Baby Joke
Aborted Fetus | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 2:33 pm | #

Gravatar Pathetic. You're too retarded to realize when you're reading satire, and you get burned. Then, to try to make yourself feel less retarded, you invent some conversation with a person who is supposedly "pro-abortion". You failed, however, to veil your retardedness, and it shines through your invented and concocted story. Shame on you. Why don't you just admit that you're retarded, and admit that you should have had your brain sucked out and your skull crushed before the rest of us had to endure your retardedness.

How about before you try to make abortion illegal, you come up with a plan for those unwanted children. Don't say "adoption" like the other pro-life retards. Even today, not every child gets adopted. You develop a program to get every single unwanted child adopted into a loving home first, then maybe some people would entertain your currently baseless and useless emotional argument.

Or you could just continue blogging about fictitous and fanciful conversations with the voices in your head. Retard.
Eric Horgan | 07.11.06 - 2:35 pm | #

Gravatar Your village called.

They want their idiot back.
JKarp | 07.11.06 - 2:35 pm | #

Gravatar First of all, who are we talking about?

A completely fake news organization, who's sole purpose is to fool dolt's like yourself. The fact that you maintain this thread is indicative of negative things I could say, but won't since you're a stanger. I advise you to save face, and stop this thread of conversation right now. =)
Jon | 07.11.06 - 2:38 pm | #

First of all, Pete, you still don't get it. As others have pointed out ad nauseam, there is no Caroline Weber. Second, I don't know what fantasy land you're living in, but there is a difference between killing a child and killing a wad of tissue that has no functioning central nervous system. Don't try to conflate every rational pro-choicer with some kind of sociopathic butcher. On the other hand, as your now-famous weblog shows, you clearly lack the capacity to grasp the kind of subtlety inherent in that distinction or in, say, the distinction between satire and the bubbling enthusiasm of someone who wants to have the "best non-anesthetized invasive uterine surgery ever!"

Consider this strike two. Any further violation of sanity will result in your privilege to an opinion being revoked.
The Teflon Don | 07.11.06 - 2:38 pm | #

My name is Jerry, and I've got to stand by Pete because you liberal elitists seem to think you can push us thistle-chewing bible-thumping corn-husking cow-fucking rednecks around with your so-called "satire". I don't even know what or who this "satire" is, but I can already tell it's damn un-American, and most likely French.

And.. so what if the article is "satire "-- There's a kernel of truth here, and I'm waiting for Rush Limbaugh to tell me what it is.

After all, and I quote myself, the abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America, I point the finger in their face and say: you helped this happen.

Yeah, I like this country.
Jerry | 07.11.06 - 2:39 pm | #

If you're not joking yourself, I support the murder of you and everyone like you. Get the fuck out of my country bitch!
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 2:42 pm | #

Uhhh... Why is it so important to Pete or ANY of these "believers" that babies live? I understand as they see it that abortion is killing babies and all that but why do they care? Why are there babies so important? IS Pete Catholic? Cause I guess I could understand why babies are important to those dudes. I have a child of my own and with all the crap in our food and water and pollution he will be lucky to develop into a "normal" human let alone make it to his 18th brithday so he can be shipped off to fight in the latest war. So really why are babies so damn important to Pete and his ilk?
Grey Area | 07.11.06 - 2:47 pm | #

Gravatar Your mom should have aborted you. She still should.
H | 07.11.06 - 2:51 pm | #

Holy hell, man, you breath through your mouth exclusively, don't you?

'Twere there actually a god, he/she has probably committed suicide knowing that they spawned the likes of you to the Earth.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 2:52 pm | #

Gravatar Pete,

Stay out of my uterous and get a hobby. Please.

Sincerely,

L.S.
Lucy Stone | 07.11.06 - 2:53 pm | #

The theocracy has risen above their own incompetence...

Pete and his friends run our government... how'd that happen?

Don't let Ol' Pete & his kind tell you how to live... Even when he is stupid & too arrogant to admit his mistakes, he just "stays the course."

Nobody can accuse Pete of "cut & run" I can't wait to see what he posts next.
His cousin is in the Whitehous | 07.11.06 - 2:54 pm | #

Gravatar I just wanted to remind everyone of the special we're having this month. Refer a friend and when you buy one abortion, you get the second one at half price. Just mention the code "PETE" when calling for an appointment...666-226-7863
Acme Abortion Clinic | 07.11.06 - 2:54 pm | #

Please, just take down your blog, go sit in a corner, and think about this for the rest of your life. You have ultimatly proven yourself to be one of the worlds biggest idiots, not because of your pro-life stance, but because you don't understand the meaning of a joke.

May the internet have mercy on your soul.
Derek | 07.11.06 - 2:55 pm | #

Pete, you are a fine upstanding Christian. My church could use more people like you. Any interest in moving to Topeka?
Fred Phelps | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 2:56 pm | #

Pete, seriously, quit posting!
likwid | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 2:56 pm | #

Hmm. I expect that you are the ultimate Satire Master. You expected us all to believe that you are really that foolish. Joke on us. Right?
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 2:57 pm | #

Gravatar Grey Area:

It's "so important" to them for the same reason that it's "so important" to me that the Redskins win the NFC east. It's team politics, and it gives them a "cause" to "feel good about". That's about it.

I'm not pro-abortion, but I'm not anti-choice, either. However, I don't need to take up "pet causes" to make myself feel better about my pathetic life. The rabid anti-choicers and the rabid pro-choicers both are sorta pathetic, because they devote so much of their time and energy to something that, in all likelihood, won't have even an indirect effect on their life, ever.

Why I think this debate is so stupid is because the pro-choicers like to paint the anti-choicers with this whole "they want to control womens' bodies" brush, while the anti-choicers want to paint all pro-choicers with a "they want to murder all the babies" brush. Both arguments are, with super-rare exception, strawmen. Caroline Webber was also a "strawman", but more in the satire usage. For me, however, this debate comes down to defining when a lump of cells transforms into a human with rights. And the fact that anyone thinks that they have "the one right answer" to that question just...baffles me. "I say 30 days after conception!" "Well, I say 60 days after conception!". Ugh. I'm sure that there are some idiots out there that actually believe that wanking it into the toilet is "killing" potential babies, because your sperm could actually have become a child someday...but those are few and far between, just like the wackos who think it's okay to abort a 8.5-month old fetus are also few and far between.

The funniest part about the whole thing, then, is that the two sides are actually divided by a very small grey area, and each side is populated with people who have staked their position on either side of that area. Why? Oh, there are tons of rationalization people come up with, but in the end, it just comes down to: they think they know, unequivocally, when "life" begins.

And that, my friends, is just arrogant.
Evan | 07.11.06 - 2:58 pm | #

Pete -- the article was "aiming at" people on any and all sides of the abortion debate.

It was aiming at people who realize a woman who has an abortion is making a serious decision, and who realize she wouldn't behave as light-heartedly as the non-existant Miss Weber.

It was further "aiming at" people who have observed the extremist language of the militant right wing often implies that an abortion-seeking woman is cavalier.

Ms. Weber was a characiature of the non-existant woman the militant right-wing describe. A woman who *doesn't exist,* just as Ms. Weber doesn't exist.

(You probably don't know any women, so take it from me: Women don't act that way about abortions. Do women have parties after getting a root canal? No. Why would they have a party after having a tube stuck up into their womb?)

In other words, the article was "aiming at" well-informed and critically thinking individuals on either side of the issue who know that right-wing descriptions of abortion-having women are NOT ACCURATE. The article was "aiming at" smart people.

Who was the article a parody of? It was a secondary parody of people like you. People who believe women would act like that.

Pretty funny. And accurate too, eh?

I hope this clears it up for you. (Also, you may want to check out a different dictionary. There is more than one definition of satire -- especially in news and entertainment.)
reality check | 07.11.06 - 2:59 pm | #

Pete loves unborn babies...

until they are 16 and meet him on a dark street, then he wants those crack babies killed.

My bastard child will be calling you for his health insurance payments.
Untill they grow up | 07.11.06 - 3:00 pm | #

Gravatar I wonder if Pete ever had the chance to read the old Onion "point-counterpoint", where a woman was arguing to 'Keep the US out of my Uterus', while the "counterpoint" was a US Army general arguing that we should deploy troops to her uterus.

I'll bet that ol' Petey would have stood out in staunch support of the general. Damn, talk about obtuse...
Evan | 07.11.06 - 3:01 pm | #

Still satire. And you've still missed the bus.
LE | 07.11.06 - 3:01 pm | #

Pete:

1. I am a conservative Catholic.
2. I believe abortion is wrong and evil.

Please, for the love of all that is right, stop publishing this nonsense. There is no Caroline Webber. Have you ever heard of satire? That's when people say really dumb (some might say funny) stuff that they might not even believe themselves. It's supposed to be a form of comedy and political persuasion. Conservatives have even employed it on occasion.

Please just take this post down before you give the pro-abortion movement another head of steam. You are sending us back years.
Bob | 07.11.06 - 3:02 pm | #

Sad. Just sad. You would be dangerous with half a brain. I'm sorry your mother didn't believe in abortion.

I'm going away now to find some thought provoking blogs.
J | 07.11.06 - 3:02 pm | #

Dude, if you came up to me (sunbathing lady minding her own business as you set up your signs) and asked me such offensive questions, I'd totally feed you a line of BS too to get you the hell out of my face. I mean, you've just made it obvious that you demonize anyone who thinks differently than you do. Why bother trying to be straight with you?

You'll never win anyone to your side- or save any babies- by demonizing the other side as gleeful babykillers. Because, you know, nobody really thinks abortion is desirable. Saying they do only alienates them, and makes you look like a complete simpleton.

Did Christ go around telling everyone to stone the prostitutes because they obviously loved their work? I believe he taught a little thing called "compassion." It's a concept completely lacking in any of your posts- you obviously have NO FUCKING CLUE why any woman would make such a heart-wrenching choice as to terminate a pregnancy. No, far easier to think of her as so happy about it, she's throwing a party!

Have a good time ranting about these horrible nonexistant women- I'll be over here trying to deal with REAL life issues, thank you very much. You know, the complicated ones that actually require thinking beyond black and white and us vs. them.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 3:03 pm | #

Gravatar Dear Pete:

Do not let the Pro-Choicers get you down. Keep posting, you are a credit to our cause.

Just check your facts first.

Dear Jerry:

I agree with you about the secularists, I mean Christ - CHOOSE A SIDE ALREADY!

(My money's on Satan!)

I cannot believe those Pro-Choice rabble rousers believe that the Constitutional rights of Freedom of Religion and Speech apply to them!

Happy rapture!
Lou
Lou | 07.11.06 - 3:04 pm | #

hahaha! you all know, he still thinks she's a real person!
Jesus H Christ | 07.11.06 - 3:04 pm | #

Wow

Remind me to never voice my opinion in America. People will want to drag you through the street and string you up.

Maybe we should leave Iraq and visit a land where freedom of expression seems lost on the masses--America.
storm78676 | 07.11.06 - 3:08 pm | #

Evan --

"Oh, there are tons of rationalization people come up with, but in the end, it just comes down to: they think they know, unequivocally, when "life" begins."

Can you back up your bullshit with studies? How TF do you know what it "comes down to" on either side?

Come up. come down -- you are probably between 19 and 23, live in the heartland and wank into the toilet because you live with your parents. Have you ever had sex?

It's a grey side on BOTH SIDES precisely because everyone ADMITS they don't know EXACTLY when life begins.

On the right, people say they don't know and so they will go on FAITH that life begins at conception, therefore not taking any chances.

On the other side, people say they don't know and since they don't they won't tell other people what to do, it's up to the woman to make her own decision about when she thinks life begins.

People who have abortions are pro-life, pro-choice, rich, poor, responsible, irresponsible, normal people like those ALL AROUND YOU.

They are your mothers, friends, sisters, cousins, girlfriends, wives. Did your mom grow up in the 60's, 70's or 80's? Ask her.

: )
reality check | 07.11.06 - 3:12 pm | #

Gravatar Storm:

Freedom of speech does not include the freedom from getting your dumb ass mocked for said speech.

Freedom of expression wouldn't be freedoom of expression if I couldn't respond with my OWN expression. Oye. How is it that you retards don't get this. By responding and mocking idiots like Pete, we're not violating his right to free speech. Freedom of expression, at least in this case, is alive and well, Storm. It's the day where I wake up and am unable to mock someone for their stupid speech that said freedom will be gone.
Evan | 07.11.06 - 3:14 pm | #

Gravatar Dear Pete,

You are too fucking stupid to live.

Die in a fire.

-J.
J. | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 3:15 pm | #

Gravatar I really don't understand why anti-choicers think an abortion is just something we do for fun? It's not fun. Most women don't WANT to have to do it. Let me clarify that statement. We don't want to have to do it. Meaning we will do it, if we feel we have no other options. Having a child is a blessing, NOT a punishment... but that's pretty much what you guys are doing. The wages of sex is parenthood. Did it never occur to you that abortion *is* a penalty?

The very best way to stop abortion would be comprehesive contraception education, and a society that promotes pro-birth programs to help women support those children after their born.

The reason I find you, and the views you espouse, to be absurd, and worthy of satire (I'm sure you've had it explained to you by not that not only was this satire, it was satire design to mock... well... people like you. People who hate women on some level, and want to push them back down to 'property' status again). It's all worthy of satire, because none of you people seem to genuinely care about children *after* they're born. The culture of life ends at the womb, apparently.

Out of curiosity, how many black babies have you personally adopted? How many drug addicted babies? How many disabled children? How have you, personally, contributed to the abortion problem in our country, other than marching around trying to intimidate or guilt women into having babies they neither want, nor can take care of? What have you *actually* done?
azzy23 | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 3:16 pm | #

Gravatar "Please just take this post down before you give the pro-abortion movement another head of steam. You are sending us back years."

Uh, last I heard, abortion is legal. Pro-lifers already ARE set back years...
slattern | 07.11.06 - 3:18 pm | #

Oh, Petey, you'd better hope Jesus is into forgiveness.

*Ahem* I present to you, the first of ten commandments:

Thou shalt not kill..

I don't see "unless he doesn't believe the same things as you" tacked onto that. You're being a very bad Christian. Maybe you'd better stop presuming to be your precious God and start listening to him instead.

Just a suggestion.
hope you drown | 07.11.06 - 3:19 pm | #

Pete. You're an idiot. I mean; it's true. You really can't argue that. You are stupid. You are gullible. You're a moron. There is no defense. It's a fact. You have made a laughing stock of yourself on internet forums all over, because you are so incredibly dumb. I don't understand how you don't understand this.

You. Are. A. Complete. Fool. Period.

I mean... duh. I probably didn't even need to say this; it's so obvious.

"Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?"

Well... no, I don't. And, you didn't. Because, as stated previously, you're an idiot. Any good points that you might have made in your "review" are lost because you're just so god damn stupid.

All right I've run out of common words for "stupid".
JC | 07.11.06 - 3:19 pm | #

Gravatar Check it out dude, you're famous!
http://sufficientscruples.com/bl...tinuing-series/

"The Onion ran a blunt but funny parody of the right wing’s delusional vision of women who have abortions...Exceeding even my low expectations, some imbecile “pro-lifer” took it seriously, and posted a lengthy finger-wagging screed about this woman’s irresponsibly light-hearted attitude toward “the killing of innocent human beings! [exclamation point original]”
cammila | 07.11.06 - 3:21 pm | #

Gravatar reality check:

ha. ha. ha. Nice one. A little sensitive, are we? I never thought some twit would resort to ad-hominem attacks that quickly, but I was wrong. Yikes, I don't toe the party line on abortion...I must be a virgin who lives with his parents.

My, oh, my, I am no match for your superior debating skillzzz! teehee. Let's address your "argument", shall we?

"On the other side, people say they don't know and since they don't they won't tell other people what to do, it's up to the woman to make her own decision about when she thinks life begins."

Oh, so, since the pro-choice argument thinks that it's "up to the woman to make her own decision", do they agree to aborting a fetus that is 8.5 months old? If not, then, well, your argument is self-defeating.

"People who have abortions are pro-life, pro-choice, rich, poor, responsible, irresponsible, normal people like those ALL AROUND YOU."

Hmmm. Yes, my own mom had an abortion before she had me. I don't have any problem with it. And I wouldn't have a problem with it if my wife wanted an abortion, within reason (you know, um, NOT 8-1/2 months old). I never even stated I was anti-choice. So, please, think before you post. THINK, man!

That was awesome, though. Thanks for your thoughtful response. I really appreciate how you mischaracterized my opinions and, in doing so, illustrated my point for me perfectly: Even though you and I are probably millimeters apart on this issue, since I don't have the EXACT same opinion you do, I am instantly cast as "one of the others". Again, that's the "pathetic" type of thing I was referring to. Kneejerk reactions are useless, and you hit the nail on the head in that regard. Next time, read what people write before mischaracterizing them and flying off the handle with all sorts of stupid ad-hominem personal attacks, alright? Then maybe you won't make yourself look like such the fool.
Evan | 07.11.06 - 3:24 pm | #

Your blog is a joke, right? That's what I'm getting anyway.

Jesus still thinks you're an idiot.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 3:28 pm | #

Gravatar Oh, sorry, forgot to include your award.

"You are officially, the stegosaurus of the week: for having more brains in your ass than in your head."
cammila | 07.11.06 - 3:28 pm | #

storm78676,

I applaud your defense of free speech, but save it for a time when it is being stifled...

Dear old pete has enough freedom to hang himself for being a humorless lying crank.
Freedom of speech? | 07.11.06 - 3:32 pm | #

Gravatar MORON OF THE YEAR AWARD GOES TO PETE LOLOL
Ted Griffin | 07.11.06 - 3:32 pm | #

Gravatar A suggestion to all of you:

The "anti-choice" side, for years, has referred to themselves as the 'Pro-Choice Movement'. The problem with this (well, the advantage, if you're them) is the underlying conclusion: that, if you're not "pro-life", then you must be "anti-life", which is fucking stupid. I know, it's all semantics, but, long ago, I stopped referring to them as "pro-life" and just call them "anti-choice". So, you have Anti-Choice vs. Pro-Choice. Much cleaner, and they don't get to have the unfair advantage of being perceived as more supportive of "life".

I urge everyone, all of you, to abandon the term "pro-life" from your verbiage complete, and refer to them henceforth as "Anti-Choice".
Evan | 07.11.06 - 3:34 pm | #

Evan --

"twit?"

Didn't take you long either then did it, hmmm?

Please re-read my post. I wasn't objecting to your opinion *differing* from mine.

I was objecting to your *sweeping generalizations* about both sides, and suggesting you do a little research before posting a bunch of unfounded b.s.

You were wrong, plain and simple, about what it "comes down to."

In any case, enjoy playing around with the "skills" you learned in elementary debating.
reality check | 07.11.06 - 3:35 pm | #

Gravatar ATTENTION BLOG USER.

THIS IS THE INTERNET SPEAKING.

YOU SUCK.

SIGNED,
THE INTERNET
The Internet | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 3:35 pm | #

Pete "This article is not for kids or the weak spirited."

Right, it was not for you.

Pete: "We are talking about a woman who supports the suctioning out of brains from human beings . . ."

Not every abortion is partial birth. You are playing bait and switch, which is falsehood. I object to partial birth abortion, but I don't have to slander others, real or otherwise, to oppose it. I am for planned parenting, so that every child is anticipated, loved, and raised with full spiritual will. I am for adoption.

Your assumption that all abortions are partial birth is a red herring, Pete. The decision to abort is made before 9 months in most cases, though I feel there are better options. We should help our fellow sinners work through their predicament, not attack them. We all sin, and fall short of the Grace of God.

Pete: "As a matter of fact, call me a dolt"

I won't call you names, you belittle yourself with your own words.

Pete: "I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?"

You did a fine job of typing an imagined dialogue, and digging a deeper hole for yourself. Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness, Pete. Your anecdote smelled like a fish left to rot on the docks in summer. Sloppy casting of nets, Pete.

Does a woman who miscarries get charged with baby-slaughter under your rule set? When you have a wet dream (assuming you are a moral Christian who never fondles his own manhood), are you guilty of killing a baby never conceived? Is every menstruating woman an accomplice to a monthly, ritual murder? The sperm and ova are alive; they want to be babies! Ask them, they'll tell you as much as Caroline Weber would have.

Note: that was hyperbole, with reducto absurdum for spice.

Suggestion: Stop trying to win internet arguments, you haven't the skill.

Options:

1. Work for a Christian adoption network. Help "unwanted babies" come to term and be given to parents who desperately want them. It takes a lot of love, self sacrifice, and enouragement to help a young pregnant woman -- in no position to raise a child -- to work through that. The effort is well spent for her, the adoptive parents, and those who support, love, and encourage a sister in distress.

Or

2. Start a sperm/egg matching service on the Web, to ensure no life is lost from the reproductive potential resident in physically mature adults. You could ensure ladies stay pregnant, dutifully producing babies to ensure that Thomas Malthus' predictions come true. *rollseyes* Best of luck.

Pete, your act needs work before you take it on the road again.

I will pray for you, and ask God to grant you wisdom. I will ask God to put love in your heart to replace the hate you feel for your fellow sinners, here on God's Good Earth.

More flies with honey, Brother Pete.

M_R
Menopausal_Rogue | 07.11.06 - 3:39 pm | #

One of the internet's classic posts!

This should be saved in a time capsule for future generations to enjoy...if they are allowed to be born.
Eeldude | 07.11.06 - 3:40 pm | #

Storm said: Remind me to never voice my opinion in America. People will want to drag you through the street and string you up.

Dude... if your opinion is that fictional characters should drive public policy, then you deserve to be strung up. In America, we the people are the government, and we have a solemn duty not to confuse fact and fiction in our politics.

Also, you have a public duty not to be fucktarded, and Pete's failed that one too.
Yahzi | 07.11.06 - 3:42 pm | #

I think Pete's angry because Caroline Weber never responded to his request for a date.
Halfmad | 07.11.06 - 3:44 pm | #

Gravatar pro-birth programs to help women support those children after their born.

they're.

I'm horribly embarrassed. I honestly thought it was "their". I have since recognized my mistake, and corrected it as best I can.


WHY CAN'T YOU DO THAT?
azzy23 | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 3:44 pm | #

Gravatar Seriously, Pete. Don't let these heathens distract you from the truth. Ms. Weber is very really and posts a lot over here under the pseudonym Jess Silk: http://board.crewcial.org/?func=...id=140323&r=116

God bless.
mathmagical | 07.11.06 - 3:45 pm | #

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Mark | 07.11.06 - 3:48 pm | #

Please continue to post your thoughtful arguments as nothing could bolster the pro-choice movement more than reading your work.
oh yeah | 07.11.06 - 3:50 pm | #

Gravatar Reality Check,

First off, as for the "twit" comment, that was entirely factual, as you were, in fact, acting like a twit in the above post...whereas your bit about me being a virgin who lives in the midwest with my parents was entirely fictional.

Anyway, my "sweeping generalizations" are only logical conclusions that are drawn from the arguments of both pro- and anti-choicers. I'm sorry if it pisses you off, but the fact is: it is LOGICALLY INCONSISTENT for pro-choicers to "claim" that they want to leave the decision up to the mother as to when a life begins, but not support aborting a fetus that is several days from being born. And, well, I have never, in all my years, spoken to or even heard of a pro-choicer that supports aborting 8.5-month-old fetuses. So, how can you say "it's the mother's decision", but still draw a cutoff-point? If it's "the mother's decision", then she should just be able to abort the thing several hours before she gives birth.

I can't believe that you STILL don't get this. I'm getting tired of explaining it to you. Unless you support aborting fetuses that are only hours from being born, then you don't REALLY think the mother gets to make the decision---what you think is that the mother should make the decision...up to a point. A point where you draw the line. And by drawing the line, wherever that line may be, you have abdicated the resonsibility from the mother. You think that your position is so much more principled, when, in fact, it is really kind of a "talking out of both sides of your mouth".

The funny thing about this entire debate with you is that I'm criticizing myself as I'm criticizing you...because I'm pro-choice. Ah, ain't life grand? The real difference between us, I guess, is that I don't think that my position is so much more principly sound as you seem to. I'm wishy-washy, and I'm content to stay that way.
Evan | 07.11.06 - 3:52 pm | #

"It will do you no harm to find yourself ridiculous.
Resign yourself to the fool you are."
Caroline W. | 07.11.06 - 3:52 pm | #

Gravatar o_O

ONCE AGAIN.

I THINK THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR BRAIN BEING MISSING.
deviousmonkey | 07.11.06 - 3:54 pm | #

Gravatar HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL HARBL
harbl | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 3:54 pm | #

Gravatar Reality Check:

In your book, at what point does it become NOT okay to abort a fetus? Just asking.
Evan | 07.11.06 - 3:54 pm | #

Gravatar Wait, the fucking moron that writes this blog is calling someone from the pro-abortion movement psychotic?

Hypocritical piece of shit, burn in Hell!
Jeebuz | 07.11.06 - 3:55 pm | #

At the end of the article you claim to define "Satire" when you, infact define sarcasm.

The proper definition of satire is:
sat·ire
n.

1. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.
2. The branch of literature constituting such works. See Synonyms at caricature.
2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.

you can find the link here
http://dictionary.reference.com/...m/browse/ satire

next time define the correct word...dumbass.
Ed | 07.11.06 - 3:55 pm | #

Maybe you're not 18 and a bigtime wanker, Evan, but you do sound kindof like a ... a careless thinker:

"The rabid anti-choicers and the rabid pro-choicers both are sorta pathetic, because they devote so much of their time and energy to something that, in all likelihood, won't have even an indirect effect on their life, ever."

Moments later, you reveal that your mother had an abortion. Daaaaar, whatnow? Not even an indirect effect?

"Why I think this debate is so stupid is because the pro-choicers like to paint the anti-choicers with this whole 'they want to control womens' (sic*) bodies' brush, while the anti-choicers want to paint all pro-choicers with a 'they want to murder all the babies' brush. Both arguments are, with super-rare exception, strawmen."
Maybe you should watch more TV. It might make you smarter. One of the Dakotas done outlawed abortion about five minutes ago, and before that they only had one clinic in the whole state. You don't think the bodies of the pregnant teens in that state are being effectively controlled? And on the other side of the debate, have you heard about the country of China?

*Women is plural. Apostrophe before the s. Same with men. As in the sentence, "Men's magazines do not contain much valuable information about the abortion debate, which leaves 18-year-old wankers clueless."
goddaggit | 07.11.06 - 4:00 pm | #

http://librivox.org/a-modest-pro...jonathan-swift/
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 4:01 pm | #

you are seriously out of touch. and i am very excited about my control over my corporeality. you, on the other hand, desire to possess the woman's body, a form of possession I consider both perverse and utterly aggressive. you really need to hone your interpretation skills. i also recommend you issue an apology to every thinking human being in the blogosphere.
observer | 07.11.06 - 4:02 pm | #

Um. You did not do a good job of turning the satire back on them. Stop patting your own back. The original satire was brilliant, you didn't even have any satire. I suggest you look up what satire is before you tell people you use it. Nothing is as infuriating as someone saying they are gifted when they are obviously not, you nutjob.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 4:02 pm | #

You guys are being too hard on poor Pete... how would you like to have to go through life with a horrible coat-hanger scar on YOUR face? You'd grow up to be a pro-lifer too!
Marc Country | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 4:03 pm | #

Gravatar It's all been said. Do you get it, you judgmental schmuck?

At least have the sense to turn off your comments. Unless all the slings and arrows turn you on, Jesus complex and all.

Or shut down this idiotic blog as others have suggested. It's a waste of all of our time.

Move out of Mom's house. Get a job. Take the self righteous thing down a few notches before life smacks you back harder than just a few hundred insults that everyone in the world can read.

Pro-Life? Get one.
New York Secular | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 4:06 pm | #

"suctioning out of brains from human beings to collapse their skulls"

Uh, were you the victim of failed abortion, Petey?
zippy | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 4:07 pm | #

Pete, just in case you missed the comments of several well-meaning posters who have included definitions... I have the following to-do list for you:

1. Buy dictionary.
2. Look up satire.
3. Read said definition VERY carefully.
4. Remove head from ass.
5. Aplogize to your readers for being a dimwit.
6. Never post again.
aerospcgrl | 07.11.06 - 4:08 pm | #

Nothing brings Pro-Life folks and Pro-Choice together like, well, you.
TC | 07.11.06 - 4:12 pm | #

Pete,

Two possibilities:

1) This site is a masterstroke of comedic genius.

2) This site will make you the frontrunner to be Jeb's speechwriter in '08.

Bookmarked.

God Bless You. Vote Jeb in '08.
Pete | 07.11.06 - 4:12 pm | #

PETE...This is the Internet Police. Step away from the keyboard and come out of your mother's basement with your hands up. DO NOT open your mouth or we will be forced to duct tape it closed. DO NOT move your hands AT ALL or we will amputate your fingers very, very painfully. You are being taken into custody because you are too fucking stupid to co-exist with other human beings. Your sentence will be to type--onto your front blog page--I am a fucking idiot who is too fucking stupid to co-exist with other human beings. The Onion is satire. You will type this until we decide you have learned your lesson. Cutting and pasting is not allowed and you will not be allowed to sleep or go to the bathroom.

NOW STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD AND COME OUT OF YOUR MOTHER'S BASEMENT WITH YOUR HANDS UP.
Internet Police | 07.11.06 - 4:15 pm | #

Whoa, Evan, Reality Check, slow down.

Regardless of who's got more skilllz, you're still both making huge generalizations, which as far as I can tell is the only reason you're even disagreeing. I understand it's impossible to not generalize to some point, but it sounds like it might be the main problem with you guys' issue with one another. But I could be misunderstanding.

According to you both, there's debate either because both sides think they know where life begins, or because both sides aren't sure where life begins.

Personally I'm more convinced that there's a significant number of people who feel both ways on both sides.
Kate | 07.11.06 - 4:17 pm | #

Whoa, Evan, Reality Check, slow down.

Regardless of who's got more skilllz, you're still both making huge generalizations, which as far as I can tell is the only reason you're even disagreeing. I understand it's impossible to not generalize to some point, but it sounds like it might be the main problem with you guys' issue with one another. But I could be misunderstanding.

According to you both, there's debate either because both sides think they know where life begins, or because both sides aren't sure where life begins.

Personally I'm more convinced that there's a significant number of people who feel both ways on both sides.
Kate | 07.11.06 - 4:17 pm | #

Hey, dont let them get you down Pete. I didn't realize that Fox News was a farce the first time I watched it.
lgv | 07.11.06 - 4:19 pm | #

Hey, I'm pregnant because I don't have health insurance and therefore couldn't get any birth control. My partner and I used a condom but it broke in the middle of intercourse. I have no education, no money, and no way of providing for my unborn child. At this point I'm living in a filthy mobile home outside of Baton Rouge, Lousiana, and hurricane season is coming. I thought it might be better to go to Planned Parenthood and have an abortion to save my child a life of poverty, hunger, and despair, but then I read your blog and decided that maybe you would want to take care of it? United we stand-divided they die.
oh, and p.s. I'm addicted to crystal meth.
Anonymous | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 4:21 pm | #

And another thing, Evan, are you thinking that a doctor who, like, wants to keep his job and stuff would just haul off and perform a late term abortion just for nothing? Just because? Just on a woman's whim? Your skull deflator abortions are for people who wanted to *have* the baby and carried it nearly to term and then were told "abort it or die." It's the famous "to save the life of the mother" thing. It's not a thing you do on a whim. It costs a hell of a lot of money for one thing, and for another thing, this is 6 to 10 pounds of fetus. Beyond the fact that it's now viable outside the womb, it's EIGHT POUNDS OF MEAT THEY WILL BE CARVING UP AND SUCKING OUT OF YOUR GENITALS. If it were just a matter of not wanting a baby, nobody would choose the abortion at 8.5 months.

But you, Evan, you're thinking the ladies are all, "Oh shuckins, It's been eight and a half months I've been walking around looking like John Goodman and reading "What To Expect when You're Expecting," but Janet's party is Thursday and I'm gonna be in labor. Fuck it, I'll just abort."

Pete is retarded and crazed, and that's why he thinks women think this way. What's your excuse, Evan?
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 4:22 pm | #

Gravatar Goddaggit:

"Moments later, you reveal that your mother had an abortion. Daaaaar, whatnow? Not even an indirect effect?"

Not enough to make me rabid on the issue. Not enough to make me march in the streets.

"Maybe you should watch more TV. It might make you smarter. One of the Dakotas done outlawed abortion about five minutes ago, and before that they only had one clinic in the whole state. You don't think the bodies of the pregnant teens in that state are being effectively controlled? And on the other side of the debate, have you heard about the country of China?"

You completely, absolutely missed my point. My point was: the problem with claiming that "they want to control a woman's body" is that THEY don't see it that way. THEY see it as "a little life". And because I can empathize, even though I don't agree with them, that means that I don't ridicule the anti-choicers as much as SOME people do. Call me a traitor to your cause, or whatever you want, but my point (which went right over your head) was that it's only "controlling a woman's body" if you accept the premise that thing growing inside of them is not a human with rights. And, while I don't agree with them, there are alot of people who believe that it IS a human with rights---as such, your argument means nothing to them.

Pointing out the futility of a particular argument is not a bad thing---I'm trying to help you folks come up with a better argument. The 'you just want to control women's bodies' argument, in my opinion, is weak. I've never seen ANYONE converted by that one...because that's not how THEY see it.

And just because you missed my point doesn't mean I'm a careless thinker, either.

Also, you cracked me up with that paragraph lecture on punctuation. Very nice. Next time, I'll be extra-careful not to misplace my apostrophes in some obscure comment board. hahaha! Oh, jesus...is this what you folks care about? Punctuation? On a stupid comment board for some anti-choice loony? Ugh.
Evan | 07.11.06 - 4:25 pm | #

You turned the satire back on them? Uh, no.

Since you have trouble using the internets, I'm gonna give you a little help from dictionary.com:

sat·ire
n.

1. 1. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.
2. The branch of literature constituting such works. See Synonyms at caricature.
2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.(emphasis mine)

See? In order for you to have written satire, you'd have to be "using it to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity." "Using" implies a conscious choice on your part, which you could have only done if you were kidding. You didn't write satire. You were duped.

Irony, incidentally, is saying the opposite of what you mean; sarcasm is saying things you don't mean. Since you meant everything you said, you were being neither sarcastic nor ironic. Wit would require a sense of humor, which you've already proven you lack. Therefore your post = not satire.

Nice try.
caia | 07.11.06 - 4:26 pm | #

That woman who you clearly violated her boundaries of simply enjoying herself on a nice summer day had all right to say whatever she wanted to say to you. Ever heard of the 1st Amendment? Maybe you shouldn't expect any random person who you walk up to and interrupt their activity to agree with you. You were so disrespectful to her to interrupt her doing her own thing. Why can't women be in public without a male intruding on their space?
Deadbabiesrule!! | 07.11.06 - 4:28 pm | #

Gravatar I love you. Seriously.

Your blog is the funniest thing I have seen on the Internets in months.

Thank the Lord for people like you. Praise Jesus!

There is a God...
Holy Moley | 07.11.06 - 4:29 pm | #

This would have been a good time to admit your mistake and move on with your life.
James | 07.11.06 - 4:30 pm | #

Gravatar And because everyone has said everything already, I just say this:

You write blog "posts", not "blogs"

It would be like saying you wrote a magazine about Ms. Weber's piece, instead of a magazine article. Get it?
sigh | 07.11.06 - 4:31 pm | #

Gravatar Considering all that "personal info" is published in the 4th hit on a google search for "peter marchtogether", do you think you're pretty edgy and cool posting that?

You're almost as stupid as the person who owns this blog.

Almost.
harbl | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 4:32 pm | #

"Talk about getting people mad."

OMG We are not mad. We are laughing at your utter stupidity.
BillDoE | 07.11.06 - 4:32 pm | #

I appreciate that you feel very strongly about this subject. But equating a first trimester fetus and a small child tugging her mother's dress is ridiculous, and it's not going to help you win any arguements.
Alison | 07.11.06 - 4:32 pm | #

Gravatar When the Bejing Evening News picked up the Onion headline "Congress Threatens to Leave DC Unless New Capitol is Built," it also claimed that the article was, in fact, true. Eventually, though, the Chinese gave up the fight. Will Pete?
'stina | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 4:32 pm | #

Gravatar >>Eventually, though, the Chinese gave up the fight.

No they didn't. They posted a "retraction" saying that it was a real newspaper that lied to its readers intentionally.
harbl | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 4:33 pm | #

btw, a real man could fully admit they made a mistake. You, are not a real man.
Deadbabiesrule!! | 07.11.06 - 4:34 pm | #

Jerry here again. I just wanted to make a correction to my previous post. When I said "us thistle-chewing bible-thumping corn-husking cow-fucking rednecks", I actually meant to add "shit-kicking" and "Rush-Limbaugh's-sphincter-licking". Forgive me for not adding that earlier.

Speaking of sphincters, brown is the color of Rush's sphincter. It is also the primary color of Pete's blog. Make no mistake - this is no coincidence.

So, to sum up -- liberal elitists, shit-kicking, Rush Limbaugh, abortionists, sphincter, and brown. Even if you left-wingers don't know what the hell I'm talking about, God tells me that Pete does.

Jerry
Jerry | 07.11.06 - 4:36 pm | #

Oh dear God, you live in Herndon VA? Thank the Lord I no longer live in that pissant town.

This is a town in Virginia (a state, note, that doesn't share borders with a foreign country) that has formed its own Minutemen chapter. HA!

What a bunch of idiots!
br | 07.11.06 - 4:38 pm | #

Gravatar Anonymous:

So there's no principled reason for not aborting @ 8.5 months...it's the practical limitations of it. I see. Still, nobody has answered my question regarding the principled inconsistency of being okay with abortions @ 2 months, but not okay with them @ 8.5 months, yet still claiming to "let the mother decide". It's okay, though, i can't answer it either, but at least I don't act like I'm so fucking high and mighty because I believe one thing over another.

I'm glad to have earned the scorn of so many folks who I am pretty much in agreement with, but don't share the same steadfastness of conviction with. It's a joy! I mean, I've heard of scorning those who are on the other side of an issue...but...those who are on the same side, but can AT LEAST appreciate the arguments of the other side? I guess there's no room for error in your little club.
Evan | 07.11.06 - 4:39 pm | #

Posting the personal contact info - address, phone etc. is really a bit over the edge. On the other hand,it was easy to find. It was also easy to see that Pete doesn't know his website from his e-mail.

Web: peter@marchtogether.com
E-mail: www.MarchTogether.com
George | 07.11.06 - 4:42 pm | #

Gravatar Gods. They invented the word "sucker" to describe you. Not only did you fall for the original Onion piece- yes, you did, don't try to deny it- you then write a self-serving, whining excuse because you haven't the balls to say "whoops! My bad, sorry." No wonder the woman on the grass answered you the way she did. You're completely inadequate, aren't you?
Ivy | 07.11.06 - 4:46 pm | #

Peter's picture is here:

http://www.charmaineyoest.com/ar...odblogcon_2005/
Jerry | 07.11.06 - 4:47 pm | #

It's not SARCASM. It's SATIRE.
Webster | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 4:51 pm | #

DOUCHE BAG!!!!!!!
caroline weber's aborted fetus | 07.11.06 - 4:52 pm | #

It's perhaps worth noting here that I'm reading both this comment stream and the one from the July 6th post in Internet Explorer, and the little boxes in the lower navigation bar read "Ha Ha".

Somehow, it seems fitting...
Lt. Col V Sassoon, 98A/3B/echo | 07.11.06 - 4:54 pm | #

"It's not SARCASM. It's SATIRE.
Webster | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 4:51 pm | #"

Actually, Pete's definition of Satire (with an example of sarcasm) is listed on dictionary.com. You got to dig a little bit to get it, but it is there.
Fred Phelps | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 4:54 pm | #

Gravatar Pete. You are about as sharp as a ball.
Yes Please | 07.11.06 - 5:07 pm | #

" . . . I wrapped up my day having an even lengthier discussion with Peter, who is as intelligent and articulate a spokesman for the pro-life movement as you'll get."

http://www.infuzemag.com/live/ar...odblogcon_2005/
meow | 07.11.06 - 5:10 pm | #

Everyone should be able to have safe sex with anyone they want outside of Marriage without fear for pregnancy. Nothing about that threatens life. Fuck you.
Bob Dole | 07.11.06 - 5:11 pm | #

You're a moron.

"The Onion" piece is satire. The author of said piece? A comedy writer, whose name is almost certainly not "Weber".

I'm torn between amusement and horror at your continued display of stupidity and (willful?) ignorance in the face of this fact.
harmonyfb | 07.11.06 - 5:12 pm | #

Congratulations Pete! Your pontificating on the morals of fictictious characters is being immortalized in wikipedia!
Anonymous | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:13 pm | #

Gravatar wow, there is even a wikipedia article chronicling the lulz: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Mar...gether_For_Life.
bza | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:14 pm | #

You make me laugh SO hard.

No, really, know that I was having a HORRIBLE day until I read this. Seriously, man, quit while you're ahead. It's obvious that you took the story for real. And you know what? If you walked up to me and tried to tell me that you can control my body, I would have responded in the same way.

And if somebody kills me? Well, gee, not much I can say about it, eh? Too bad, so sad... just go home and lock yourself back into your little paranoia-box.
Kimmy | 07.11.06 - 5:15 pm | #

Gravatar check it out. pete's blog is now #1 on the blogtopsites list (look over there----------> on the right side of the page. truly the lord works in mysterious ways.
the serrach | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:15 pm | #

Hey wierd with a beard...

http://www.charmaineyoest.com/ar...odblogcon_2005/

Shave that pussy sieve off yer face & get out more. If I was sunning at the park & you came up & asked me those questions... I would have got up long enough to kick you in your non-existant balls.

Stay out of my private parts.

Even really drunk I wouldn't let you in...


Don't try to use the law when you couldn't get there on your own.
21st sintury woman | 07.11.06 - 5:16 pm | #

"...there's no principled reason for not aborting @ 8.5 months...it's the practical limitations of it. I see. Still, nobody has answered my question regarding the principled inconsistency of being okay with abortions @ 2 months, but not okay with them @ 8.5 months, yet still claiming to 'let the mother decide'."

No, now, see, Evan, that's not what I said. The principled reason for not aborting at 8.5 months is that at 8.5 months the baby is viable outside the womb. Nobody argues about that. You and Pete are the only ones here saying that the babykillers make the argument that there's no moral reason not to pulp 8.5-mo feti. The babykillers themselves do not make that argument. This brings us to something that's very important to learn (not as important as apostrophes, certainly, but important):

Remember awaaaaay back up there where you said that something or other was a total straw man argument? I forget what it was you made that claim about, although I do remember thinking, "No it's not, I bet Evan is wanking in his mom's toilet RIGHT NOW." Here in your latest post, however, we see an excellent example of the straw man fallacy. The straw man fallacy is the one where you try to reduce your opponent to a "straw man" by putting farcical words in his mouth. You just did that with your "they all just say let the mother decide" bullflop. The Onion article did that with "I'm totally psyched for this abortion!" Pete did it with his invented sociopathic sunbather who was supposedly typical of abortion fans he's met in his 30 years on the front lines.

We should all avoid fallacious arguments and apostrophe errors. It is in that spirit that I now apologize for repeatedly engaging in ad hominem by implying over and over that nothing you have to say can be taken seriously because you're 18 and live with your mom. And wank! Also for calling attention to apostrophe errors as if that had anything to do with the substance of your arguments: I know that must be a fallacy, but I don't know the name of it.
goddaggit | 07.11.06 - 5:16 pm | #

You think people are mad at you?

No, that's shreiks of laughter you hear.

I'm not mad, I love you for showing what a sanctimonious dupe you are.
21st sintury woman | 07.11.06 - 5:19 pm | #

Gravatar I just wanted everyone to know that i have killed 17 'babies' with 11 different girls. They are not human beings yet, they are simply parasites. We made them so we can do what we want with them.

you know what else? they teste great on toast with smuckers.
trust | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:20 pm | #

Gravatar oh my god. Just keep talking. You're the best argument against yourself and your idiotic positions there could possibly be.
thereisnospoon | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:21 pm | #

IT'S A TRAP!!!!!!
Admiral Ackbar | 07.11.06 - 5:23 pm | #

This is the most breath-takingly stupid thing that I have read in weeks. Not because of your political views - I happen to think that being pro-life is a perfectly moral and reasonable position given an assumption that an early term fetus is sentient life. No, your deep, profound stupidity and gullibility transcend politics and religion. I am in awe.
Junius | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:24 pm | #

Gravatar If you're against abortions, Pete, just don't have any, aiight...?
condoleaser | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:24 pm | #

Gravatar I am going to have a ceremonial abortion today (I'm a man) as a means of celebrating the wisdom that shall now be known simply as "Pete"
Schlagle | 07.11.06 - 5:26 pm | #

Gravatar You have unwittingly spewed forth the most cogent rationale for retroactive abortion that I've ever seen. Your wheel is turning, but the hamster is clearly DOA.
Turok | 07.11.06 - 5:26 pm | #

Gravatar My good friend and I think that NASCAR might be involved somehow. Is this a NASCAR conspiracy? Maybe the National Mobile Home Owners Association has their hand in this.
mattbastard | 07.11.06 - 5:27 pm | #

Gravatar Satire is protected speech even if the object of that satire doesn't get it. -- Al Franken
sal | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:30 pm | #

"Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?"

Uh... not really. It might have been a good satire if your post had been at all funny or tongue in cheek. But since you are a total moron and weren't aware that the original was fake, you just did a good job of being a loser. Sorry to disappoint you.
People are dumbasses | 07.11.06 - 5:34 pm | #

Again. You're a douche.
Amanda | 07.11.06 - 5:39 pm | #

You have very publicly made an idiot of yourself. Well done.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 5:41 pm | #

I have an idea! (Inspired by Slagle...)

Much like the term Santorum was coined because of one man's rather ignorant take on something, we should coin the term "Pete" to represent willful misunderstanding of irony, sarcasm or satire.

So when someone (intentionally) fails to realize you are being sarcastic when you say "Well since we can't decide on a restaraunt, let's just skip dinner altogether" and responds with "are you serious? I need to eat!" you can roll your eyes and say "God, you're Pete."

eh?
reality check | 07.11.06 - 5:41 pm | #

Pete, call a publicist.
15minutes | 07.11.06 - 5:42 pm | #

Gravatar Guh. The stupid, it burns us.

Earth to Stupid (aka Pete): THIS WOMAN DOES NOT EXIST! She's a nom de plume for someone.

Turn your brain on - and what did I tell you about your blogging license?
Jacky Tar | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:42 pm | #

Gravatar Peter,

[I posted this in your original blog post on the Caroline Weber story, below, but I want to repost it here so all can see that YOU WERE RIGHT! There REALLY IS a Caroline Weber and she REALLY DID write the article!]

I tracked down Caroline Weber and I asked her, point-blank, if she had written the article that appeared in The Onion.

And she admitted that she had, indeed, written said article. In fact, she told me, she LOVED writing that article because she knew it would upset people in the pro-life movement.

Caroline Weber is a woman of loose morals. I know because I then propositioned her and she consented to have sex with me on the spot. (I was testing her.)

I pretended to be interested. After all, she is an attractive woman and it took all of my Jesus-given strength to resist her "charms" (those being a set of very perky breasts and an attractive, round and firm derriere). And I asked her if she was using any form of birth control and/or should I be using a condom.

She said, "Not at all! I hope I get pregnant again so I can abort another one of God's children!"

This woman has Satan inside of her. Somewhere. Maybe down there.

Anyway, just wanted to back up your post. Your take is dead on, Peter.

Jesus loves you.
Holy Moley | 07.11.06 - 5:43 pm | #

Pete the proud crowed: 'I think I did a good job of turning the "satire" right back at them, don’t you?'

Oh my, yes. A perfect 360-degree turn. Well done.

(No, I don't expect Pete to get that one either.)
Just some skunk | 07.11.06 - 5:43 pm | #

Gravatar Christians need to tend to mind their own business. When they start trying to mind other people's business, you get a fuck-up like Pete here who doesn't know the Onion from FOX news.
eh | 07.11.06 - 5:45 pm | #

Gravatar You're about as smart as George W. Bush.
jasono | 07.11.06 - 5:45 pm | #

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SUP FELLOWS | 07.11.06 - 5:51 pm | #

WRT to the conversation you had with that woman... I agree. I've also found that most pro-aborters/anti-lifers really just don't think their arguments through very much. It's sick, it really is! And honestly, it's probably because they don't feel that it's worth it to use brain power having a serious conversation with a dumb fuck like you. It's the god damn Onion for christ's sake. Wow.
JC | 07.11.06 - 5:52 pm | #

Gravatar You're an even bigger idiot than I thought you were after I read the initial post.

What a waste of air.
Fixer | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 5:52 pm | #

Gravatar Pete,
I've been marching in abortion protests for over five years and I take the issue VERY seriously. I started protesting because I felt accepted and powerful among my new group of friends. After reading your original article and then your follow-up, I just want to let you know that I am officially abandoning the "pro-life" movement. Thanks to your abhorrant stupidity, I am simply too embarrased to continue. I've started to take a good long look at the people around me, folks I considered friends; and I now realize they are really all a bunch of humorless, narrow-minded dolts who think they know better than everyone else. Thank you at least for showing me how I was wasting my life.
Leonard | 07.11.06 - 5:53 pm | #

PS: I'm pro-life as well. But now I'm starting to question the validity of my opinions. Stay off my side of the field, dumb ass. We really need some stronger players in the game.
JC | 07.11.06 - 5:53 pm | #

Gravatar Hey reality check,

You hit the nail on the head! That's what I was going for!

Hopefully, I won't pull a "Pete" today, lol
Schlagle | 07.11.06 - 5:53 pm | #

That was a weird coincidence, Leonard.
JC | 07.11.06 - 5:54 pm | #

Dude, like you DIDN'T just make up that whole story about the woman who just *happened* to be watching you put up your signs and just *happened* to provide the perfect response to each of your completely asinine questions regarding what you think the pro-choice standpoint to be. Seriously, the questions you "asked" make absolutely no sense to anyone but hardcore pro-lifers; no one besides a hardcore pro-lifer could possibly conceive of anyone answering them that way. I'd almost think you were writing a little satire yourself, except that you were so clearly born with a complete sense-of-humor deficiency. Worst invented dialogue ever.
Kylie | 07.11.06 - 5:59 pm | #

Doesn't anyone think Pete is just fuckin w everyone? Seems easier to believe that he wants to scrounge up some digg or reddit traffic than he really believes that. The comments I read were all very funny in their ridicule.
mac | 07.11.06 - 5:59 pm | #

Gravatar OKAY! I get it! I'm sorry! I am an idiot! Is that what you want to hear? I didn't get that the article was a joke. You have to understand that at the time I read it, I was flagellating myself for being so distracted by some really hot midget/beastiality porn pop-ups. I'm sure you can understand.
Pete | 07.11.06 - 5:59 pm | #

Hey Pete you did make the discussion page in the wikipedia "The Onion" article at least.
JC | 07.11.06 - 6:00 pm | #

Gravatar Perspective, people! The incredible, head-whacking, mind-numbing, brain-freezing, hard-to-believe stupidity displayed by one single blogger is not proof that all pro-lifers are idiots. I'd say the fact that most of them stayed away from this thread shows a certain amount of intelligence in the non-Pete portion of the movement.

As to whether the whole site is a meta-joke, it's hard to say without going all Da Vinci Code and searching for buried ciphers, but... notice the URL! Anybody remember a story by Cyril Kornbluth about a dystopian future where uncontrolled breeding had resulted in a society of gullible idiots? Referring to an analogy about how China's population is so great that they could march past a given point, four abreast, and never finish, the story is called "The Marching Morons."

Incidentally, I have looked at every comment in both posts, and haven't found the "words of wisdom" (ow, the irony!) he quotes about slavers and broodmares -- even using a search function. Do you suppose Pete kept all the posts calling him every variety of idiot intact, and just deleted this one because, you know, it makes his foes look kind of bad?

(PS to Pete: They're kidding you. "Satire" is a lounge on Colfax Ave., in Denver. At least it used to be.)
Kip W | 07.11.06 - 6:01 pm | #

Well, congratulations on all the attention you seem to be getting. I feel bad that so many people are making threats and insulting you, though.

I can't say you've done a good job "turning the satire around" on anyone--I think you goofed and you really just need to admit it. Not to anyone here, mind you, but at least to your self.

Unless you are implying that your blog posts have been satires, but I'm not sure I think that anymore.

Best of luck to you.
June | 07.11.06 - 6:01 pm | #

Look I don't appreciate people pretending that they are me. The Onion must be taken seriously. Killing children is -not- a joke. However, I really like midgets and beastiality.
Pete | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 6:01 pm | #

Gravatar shit head
dead baby | 07.11.06 - 6:01 pm | #

Gravatar Hey kids, there is no "Pete".

The Onion's satire has been watered-down for years. This person who has us all typing our fool heads off to correct, mock, etc. -this person understands true satire. It's called baiting. Nice one.

Now all of you who left an email & name along with your comments will be signed up for a free NRA newsletter & listed as unique supporters for Pat Robertson's latest cause.
DJ | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 6:02 pm | #

Gravatar Fair warning. If you ever come up to me and start talking about rape, you're gonna get a face full of pepper spray. Psycho.

But other than that, keep bringing the funny! "The Monthly Call for Life" is the best new euphemism for menstruation I've seen in ages!
Sagra | 07.11.06 - 6:04 pm | #

Gravatar Stupid reactionary motherfuckers like you contain all the ingredients for the next Eric Rudolph.. please don't blow people up.
Anonice | 07.11.06 - 6:04 pm | #

Gravatar Dear Pete,

We will continue to send checks for as long as you continue to post.

Jane Doe
NARAL
Jane Doe | 07.11.06 - 6:04 pm | #

You, my friend, are a freaking idiot.
Lightman. | 07.11.06 - 6:05 pm | #

I am a pro-choicer. Myself, I would never have an abortion. It would even be a difficult choice if I was raped. But if you came up to me, while I was minding my own business, after watching you put up most likely graphically disturbing signs comdemning abortion, and asked me that question...I might tell you my views. I know you wouldn't give up in trying to pressure me to change my mind. so after that, I might just nod and smile, hoping you went on your way. Which is what it sounds like this woman did.

While most of the comment are above me are very harsh, please, take a moment, and consider what you are trying to accomplish. Outlawing birth-control? Results in unwanted pregnancies. People harsher than you might say "Well, maybe those whores shouldn't have had sex!" But it's very odd that they never mention the fact that men are always pressuring women into sex. And also, gasp, women enjoy sex. As much as men. How come men aren't whores?

Every one of my friends who's ever had an abortion did it with tears in her eyes, after much consideration. It's not something one does lightly and 'celebrates'. It is a choice not to bring a child into poverty. It is a choice not the bring a child that would live in agony. Adoption, you might say? How many children are adopted a year? Giving a child up for adoption is damn near condemming it to a life of being passed around foster families.

Think about our side for a moment.
Nos | 07.11.06 - 6:05 pm | #

Oh, and Holy Moley, you're a lying idiot.
Lightman. | 07.11.06 - 6:06 pm | #

Gravatar The day I see a fetus reach up and start yanking at her moms dress pulling on it saying "mama" over & over is the day I become "pro-life". Until a fetus shows me it's conscious... I'll continue to push for a womans choice.
Doug Jones | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 6:08 pm | #

I know it's been said to you already. But I have to repeat it in hopes it'll get through.

THERE IS NO CAROLINE WEBER.

A staff member of The Onion wrote that article to parody the pro-life idea that people who are pro-choice actually get a kick out of getting abortions.

""I just know it's going to be the best non-anesthetized invasive uterine surgery ever!""

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!!!

Of COURSE that isn't fun, or cool, or awesome - it's NON-ANESTHETISED, INVASIVE UTERINE SURGERY!

That's the POINT.

Abortion isn't fun - and if idiotic pro-lifers like yourself didn't picket that the average person on a average income wasn't punished by a backwards system by being denied adequate access to contrapection, abortion wouldn't happen as often.

Noone who has an abortion has 'fun and laughs' at the clinic. The very fact you could think that was possibly serious says all anyone needs to know about your pro-life mentality.

As for this 'horrific' tale you recounted of a 'real' person demonstrating these attitudes - sounds more to me like she was just taking the mickey out of you - there she was, enjoying a quiet, peaceful time alone and all of a sudden some psychotic pushy zealot is in her face asking her absolutely ridiculous questions and disturbing her afternoon. I would've fucked with you too. She made herself clear - she thought it was horrible, but she wouldn't presume to tell anyone what to do with their body. You ask her why SHE wouldn't have the right to tell SOMEONE ELSE what to do with their body. What did you expect? You invaded her personal space and started spouting utter bullshit. Did you think she wouldn't respond with some bullshit of her own?
ethebee | 07.11.06 - 6:09 pm | #

Egads--there is already an article in wikipedia about this!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Mar...gether_For_Life
bobo | 07.11.06 - 6:09 pm | #

Gravatar I wrote the blog in a way that was meant to point out how psychotic the pro-abortion movement is...I think the only thing you pointed out was how psychtic the pro life side is
tim | 07.11.06 - 6:10 pm | #

People don't celebrate abortion??

Every 9 months my friends and I all get together with our favorite coat hangers and have a grand old time. We always conclude our celebration with a great "pot luck" stew for dinner... everybody always throws the same things in, though!

Follow it up with a good bit of alcohol and a friendly orgy, and we're all ready to do it again in 9 months!
Sally | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 6:11 pm | #

Gravatar I think you're lying out your fat arse in order to save face...so Christian of you.
Bumba | 07.11.06 - 6:11 pm | #

Gravatar Lightman,

My God. You are as dumb as Peter.
Holy Moley | 07.11.06 - 6:11 pm | #

Gravatar Pete, You rock man!

You have a way of distilling the issue into a goopy, fetid substance that can be crammed down the throat of those godless liberal turds and get 'em over to our team, Yea team!

Now that you've handled abortion your next series of assignments are:

The war (current one)
The war (next one)
minimum wage
warrantless surveilance
BIG OIL (we think they're cool)

Pete is the smartestest blogger on the internets.
Bongo | 07.11.06 - 6:14 pm | #

Gravatar First rule of being in a hole. Don't dig, man. Don't dig.
Zette T | 07.11.06 - 6:15 pm | #

Gravatar You guys stop. You know perfectly well that Pete is a fucken hero, trying to save Family Values like Incest, War, and Queer-Hating! Every little Tennessee girl should have a baby sired by her daddy, brother, uncle, or grandpa. It's what keeps our families together, our feuds goin, and the revenooers outta the woods where the still is.
Leishalynn | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 6:15 pm | #

"I wrote a blog..."

And it went whizzing down the tubes of the internets just like magic!
HappyFunBolus | 07.11.06 - 6:18 pm | #

Gravatar Hey, Pete, you cretin, now you've painted yourself into a corner, and you're pretending you've "met women" like Carolyn Weber - WHO IS NOT FOR REAL - to wipe the egg off your face?

You're an asshole. Face it. You look like an idiot, and now you look even more like an idiot for trying to save face over your own stupidity.

I'm not surprised. Anti-choice morons like you make shit up all the time. You're just circling the drain because you thought The Onion was a real site. The joke's on you, dude. You're a cretin and a moron who made himself look like more of an idiot than you already are. I'll light a candle for you. You need it, badly.
The Countess | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 6:19 pm | #

http://dictionary.reference.com/...om/browse/ dense
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 6:19 pm | #

Dude, okay. If some activist came up to me and asked me what I thought of Issue X, I'd say the most outlandish thing I could. Abortion? Babies are tasty! War in Iraq? Why not war on everyone? Etc.

The article was satire, and the woman you spoke to was making fun of you. I am sad for you.
Danny | 07.11.06 - 6:21 pm | #

thank you soooooo much for making me laugh. With such an idiot as president and folks like you in his globe trotting circus of idiots I find it hard to laugh sometimes...

thanks again.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 6:25 pm | #

About three months ago I was sitting in a dark bar full of drunks and a very loud band. This clean-cut dude walks up to me and strikes up a conversation about religion.

Now, I'm an atheist and I happen to think that proseletyzers should be met with logic. I'm not going to run away but I'm not interested in converting; in fact, I venture that I've spent more time thinking about religion then most of these people wandering around trying to convert people. I was brought up Catholic and I wanted to stay that way, but logic necessarily trumps faith.

I utterly confused the guy simply by asking him specific questions about what he himself believed. I couldn't even get him to tell me what denomination he belonged to--I half suspect he didn't even know. (But he did insult Catholicism gratuitously. Thanks for insulting the rest of my family, guy.)

Our man Pete here is apparently just like this person.

The thing is, people like this are so genuinely earnest that they can't understand when they're wrong. I could have told this guy at the bar any damn thing and he would have believed that I believed it: he already had in his mind that drunken long-haired atheists listening to heavy metal in a bar at 12:30 on a Saturday night are teh devil, so if I said that I liked to eat babies, he would probably have believed me.

Pete, would you believe that I eat babies? I sure hope not. Just because it comes out my mouth doesn't mean I believe it.

OK Pete--now that we've learned this little lesson on sarcasm, can we please apply a little critical thinking, not only to satirists but to your own beliefs? The abortion controversy is not over whether abortion is cool, as (ahem) Miss Weber thinks, it's over whether the government has the legal power to make such procedures illegal. I think the high-minded, self-righteous mentality displayed by individuals such as yourself has something to do with this also--the controversy over abortion is as much about sexual politics as it is about anything else. A sizable segment of the population is under this delusion that they have not only the right but the duty to instruct others when to have sex, with whom, and how to do it. And they are surprised when the rest of us tell you (even profanely) we don't like your pontificiating.
nota bene | 07.11.06 - 6:27 pm | #

That Onion article was fuckin' amazing!
Curtis Interuptis | 07.11.06 - 6:30 pm | #

Gravatar Wow, you're even dumber than your original post let through. I'm really curious to see what your next article on the topic will be like.
omg | 07.11.06 - 6:32 pm | #

Gravatar You put The Onion article to your head and pulled the trigger, dude. The jokes's on you.
Gordon | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 6:33 pm | #

Gravatar Greatest. Blog. Ever.

Pete, start lining up the advertisers, you just hit the jackpot.
Todd | 07.11.06 - 6:33 pm | #

Gravatar No one thinks you are a "dolt." Most people just believe you lack a brain. Other than that you are real super!
MikeatUVA | 07.11.06 - 6:33 pm | #

Is this performance art?
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 6:36 pm | #

its funny you say you have met many women like her but yet the only article you have given proof of that has anything close to an opinion like this is a totally made up person on a site that routinely writes in the voice of a lobster, goat, and trash can among other things.

Fucking idiots.....
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 6:37 pm | #

Gravatar I just wanted to make sure that you know that EVERYONE thinks you are retarded, not just the people who are stuck at their desks through normal business hours and have written here.
I made a point of coming back here to express to you how weak this whole argument it. You are just making more noise.

If you ever hope to actually persuade a person that your ideas are anything more than the ramblings of a right wing extremist, you are going to need more than a convenient and monochromatic illustration of your run-in with the true evil...of a pro-choice advocate. Hearing that you were actually afraid of a person who differs in opinion from you makes you look less like a noble crusader and more like a very timid zealot that cannot stand any 'reality maintenance' challenges.
As it stands, your noise will get lost in the din, since it offers nothing more than the insipid, uninspired and generic rhetoric that has become the mainstay for your cause.
grimawomrtongue | 07.11.06 - 6:39 pm | #

As most people have already commented, your first post on this subject was hilarious, and this follow-up just goes to reinforce the lack of common sense and detachment from reality that brings anti-choicers together.

If I'm ever unfortunate enough to get pregnant, god forbid, I'm dedicating the vacuumed-out glop of gooey cells to you. Thanks for the laughs.
Nix | 07.11.06 - 6:42 pm | #

You commenters are evil. Peter's going to heaven. 99.9% of you are not. Who will have the last laugh.
Youpeoplesuck. | 07.11.06 - 6:45 pm | #

Gravatar nothing to be said that hasn't been said more hilariously before, but i feel like bob dylan should be allowed in on the fun...

"Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your mouth,
Blowing down the backroads headin' south.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth,
You're an idiot, babe.
It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe."

Yes, Pete my friend, he's officially singing for you.
angelina | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 6:46 pm | #

"Anyway, I wrote the blog in a way that was meant to point out how psychotic the pro-abortion movement is. I have been at abortion mills, picketed government buildings, parks and more."

Actually, I'd say YOU sound like the psychotic one.

The only thing you do to the pro-life campaign is make it stink of ignorance and idiocy.

BTW, your GAP signs? Tasteless. There is no comparison between abortion and genocide. If you think there is, I suggest going to a psychologist.
Rose | 07.11.06 - 6:46 pm | #

HI PETE UR SO STUPID LOL K THX BYE.
Sally | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 6:47 pm | #

you sir, are a cabbage.
pesticide | 07.11.06 - 6:49 pm | #

Gravatar You have all the qualifications to work for Joe Lieberman. The senator's campaign manager is now coordinating homes for out of towners to stay in. He sent an e-mail to Spaze Boy of Myleftnutmeg.com.


http://www.myleftnutmeg.com/show...A7? diaryId=2040
Sue | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 6:50 pm | #

Pete's own words from a piece he wrote titled "Imagine That"

http://www.prolifeblogs.com/ arti...magine_that.php

"You know, you’ll discover that once you start imagining, there’s almost no end. Here’s a few more of my favorites: More kids living chaste lifestyles… More hospitals and scientists refusing to participate in embryo-destructive research… More voices raised against euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide… More emphasis in the Church on the service of worship rather than on the worship service… More Bible study… More missionaries, especially those trained in medicine, agriculture and engineering…. More investment in the excellence of Christian education, including home schools… More light shed on the evils of evolutionary theory, of consumerism and of false religions… More devotion to biblical orthodoxy in word and in deed…"


seems from what he posted on his own blog in the last few days--he, indeed, does have a rich imagination!
meow | 07.11.06 - 6:51 pm | #

huh>?
huh | 07.11.06 - 6:53 pm | #

Gravatar Is this blog satire?

Because if it is, its pure genius.

If not... wow. I mean.... WOW.
dk | 07.11.06 - 6:56 pm | #

Gravatar Now Pete. Here is something, in all honesty, that I can't wrap my head around in the abortion debate. You mentioned a scenario where a man brutally rapes and murders a woman and leaves her for dead. Now imagine, dear Pete, that the woman survives. And she's pregnant from that horrible, brutal incident. Why did God send a horrible devil to rape this poor woman and force her to carry his baby? Why should that woman then be forced AGAIN into something against her will, to go through 9 months of a pregnancy which is life-altering, painful, expensive, etc, only to have a baby she very possibly could not love and would certainly have to give up for adoption? Why would God want another unloved baby brought into this world when there are so many out there? Or what if she kept the baby, and was reminded every time she looked into his eyes of the truly horrendous way in which he was conceived. How can that woman ever justify in her mind, and in the mind of her child, that he was born of love? When a man like that has no self-control, what right does anyone else have to control that woman again and force her to carry a baby she did not want, did not plan for, did not even play a hand in? What right, Pete? What right do YOU have to tell me that I have to do that? Until you can stop every rape from ever happening, you have no right to tell me what I can and cannot do with my body.

Anti-abortion activists seem to think that women throw themselves unwittingly at men, who presumably are just overcome with passion and have just no way of stopping sex and demanding a condom. Where's the man's responsibility? Most women, Pete, more than you'd care to admit, don't think like the fictional Miss Weber. They don't gleefully relish the thought of ending a pregnancy, but they also shouldn't have to carry that child if they don't have the means to love it or support it.

Until you can guarantee, Pete, that all children born will be loved as much as they can possibly be loved, and fed and bathed and read to at night, Pete, you have no right to tell a woman that she HAS to have a child. Sure it was irresponsible of BOTH the mother and the father to have unsafe sex, but they shouldn't have to suffer, and neither should the child.

Pete, what about the teenagers who you think should be taught abstinence-only education? They don't have contraceptives, and they don't have condoms. They have wildly unsafe ideas about sex and disease transmission because you refuse to tell them how to be safe. Kids are kids, Pete, and everyone's human. So now you've got kids in high school having babies, and kids in junior high having babies, and kids coming up with STDs because they don't know any better. All because you don't think anyone should be having sex without a marriage. So should everyone enter into marriage for the sole purpose of having sex? Sounds like the wrong foundation for marriage to me, Pete.

Until you can guarantee, Pete, that every quarterback a
Katie | 07.11.06 - 6:59 pm | #

Gravatar Well, Pete, this hasn't worked out too well for you. Perhaps a nice cooking class would be more fun?
Deep Toad | 07.11.06 - 6:59 pm | #

Gravatar Well, Pete, this hasn't worked out too well for you. Perhaps a nice cooking class would be more fun?
Deep Toad | 07.11.06 - 6:59 pm | #

Quoting the stupidest pro-choicer you ever met to undermine our argument is a bit like.... well, if we took you as a representative of all pro-lifers. Really I think it's best if you JUST STOP TALKING.
Pm | 07.11.06 - 7:00 pm | #

Gravatar Hey Pete.

My Dictionary lists satire as follows:

A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.

Not “witty language used to convey insults or scorn;"

Although you actually did get the definition of sarcasm right. Too bad it wasn't the word you were after, eh?

Also - one point of fact that you have overlooked (conveniently). The vast majority of abortions occur in the first trimester and RARELY occur at the 9 month date unless the mother's health is in serious danger or the child would not survive out of the womb.

Keep it up. Good humor, even though you are serious.

Also - pro-choice does not equal pro-abortion. I would never condone it myself, but I don't believe in regulating morality, particularly since most "killed babies" aren't viable yet, and have not yet had brain activity nor a heartbeat.


Stegasorous of the Week 2-bagger?
DrWolfy | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:00 pm | #

Gravatar Oh, it cut me off. I wasn't finished. Have some more:

Until you can guarantee, Pete, that every quarterback and cheerleader in the world can keep his/her pants on, you have no right to tell a 15 year old girl that her life is irrevocably changed due to one mistake. ONE mistake, Pete. ONE. One single act, and that girl's life is over. And her boyfriend could walk away.

Pete, I don't think you have the power to guarantee any of those things, unless you are God Himself. Why don't you worry about your own preachy soul and what God's going to think of you going around acting like Him, and let GOD DECIDE. When the fake Miss Weber marches up to glory, God can tell her just what He thinks about her being a trollop. Or HE can forgive her for it.

But you are not God, and you cannot tell me what to do.
Katie | 07.11.06 - 7:02 pm | #

Crap like this makes me glad I'm not longer a pro-lifer. I really think your second article is funnier than the first! I'd call you bad names, but as many, many people have been more inventive than I...I won't.
Liz | 07.11.06 - 7:03 pm | #

Gravatar Just didn't want to be the only one on the internet not to call you an idiot.

Idiot.
Almighty Father | 07.11.06 - 7:05 pm | #

Gravatar Holy Shit holy shit holy shit holy shit.

This is the greatest moment of internet history, ever. There will never be anything that happens on the internet better than this.

Holy shit.
ES | 07.11.06 - 7:07 pm | #

btw...Katie, you win at life. I've always wondered how they'll feel when it's their precious pastor's daughter who is raped. Then again - these are the same ppl who love the fetus, but hate the baby, as is evidenced by the fact that they cut Headstart, Medicaid, refuse to properly fund education, etc, etc... They hate the poor, and they hate women. But really, I expect nothing less from these hyprocritical liars.
LizLiz | 07.11.06 - 7:08 pm | #

Dude, those people were just fucking with you. Moron.
Modem Butterfly | 07.11.06 - 7:09 pm | #

Gravatar Dude, this is just sad. Go look at your site meter. 99% of the hits you have ever gotten are as a result of those 2 posts. And EVERY SINGLE COMMENT THAT'S BEEN POSTED, the commenter thinks you're a moron. Doesn't this tell you something?
Mike Crichton | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:11 pm | #

Gravatar Mandatory pregnancy and forced childbirth are unAmerican.
josie | 07.11.06 - 7:14 pm | #

Gravatar I do believe we've found the person who booked Stephen Colbert to be the keynote speaker at the White House Correspondant's Dinner!
BigHeathenMike | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:14 pm | #

Gravatar This is awesome!!
Ethan | 07.11.06 - 7:17 pm | #

"About this time I have goose bumps & for one of those many moments in my life I'm really scared of another human being."

Pete, I have goosebumps right now. But don't worry, I heard this guy, Colbert or something, wants to interview you. No sweat Pete, he'll salvage everything. He reads the Onion too.
Conley | 07.11.06 - 7:17 pm | #

Gravatar Pete? PETE! Why are you looking at me like that Pete? Pete whats that behind your back? What are you going to do with that baseball bat PETE?!? PEEEEETTTTTTEEEEEE. NOOO PEEEEETEEEE NOOOOOO!!!! DON'T DO IT PETE!!! LET ME LIVE PETE. PLEASE I WANNA L...........................
zigzag | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:18 pm | #

Katie For The Win.
-A pseudo-religious figure. | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:21 pm | #

Gravatar HOLY SHIT!!!!

Are you kidding me? Pete, you are the biggest horse's ass in the world!!

"The Onion" only happens to be one of the biggest, most popular, most visited, FICTIONAL, satirical web-sites in the world!!! LOL!!! So, now you've betrayed the fact you never went to college (I don't know any college educated folks who don't know the site).

Holy Fucking Shit. I cannot believe I'm reading such utter stupidity. This has got to be a joke; somewhere, someone has to be making money from banner ads or something, right? If not, then my eyes are going to start BLEEDING from this idiocy.

Pete, I wish your parents had aborted you, because you are an utter and total embarrassment to humanity, not to mention God. Remember, He gave humans the capacity for rational thought and free will. Clearly, he must have put you here for the bemusement of his higher order beings.

Wow.

Color me stunned ...
TK | 07.11.06 - 7:21 pm | #

It's a wonder you didn't try turning on your computer moniter with your tv remote control.

...maybe you did.

On a serious note: I feel bad for you. Every day for you must be pure hell. That's a horrible way to live.
Sargasm | 07.11.06 - 7:23 pm | #

Gravatar You sir...are a moron. Try picking up a book some time. Something in the "non-fiction" aisle, perhaps.
Morgan | 07.11.06 - 7:24 pm | #

Why you so dumb? I'm gonna get an abortion out of spite.

Affectionately,
The Internet
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 7:25 pm | #

Gravatar Look -- only people as mentally feeble as this poor bastard can have minds small enough to equate abortion with murder.

None of this is news, none of this is a surprise.

And remember that the way it actually works is, really wealthy fuckers use pawns like Pete here to get all crazed about a single issue (abortion in this case) and vote Republican -- which means tax breaks for the super-rich.
Jonny Lieberman | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:25 pm | #

Gravatar OOoohh, I get it. This is a spoof blog right? The writers of the Onion have gone viral to boost ad sales? Because this is just tooooo funny to be true. Nobody's THAT stupid.
lotsalaffs | 07.11.06 - 7:30 pm | #

Please, cover this story next. You'd be amazed how many innocent pies are senselessly killed a year.

People need to know.
A Pie | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:34 pm | #

Gravatar I think it's really cute that you want people to think your original post was a satire and now this subsequent one continues your "sneaky" trend.

Sneaky and brainless.

Or did you just want hits?
Kelly | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:35 pm | #

Gravatar People respond that way to you because they are being SARCASTIC, Pete. Don't you understand that yet?

You see, they think your pro-life stance is a bunch of shit and they are trying to give you an example of how silly you sound.

Please wake up before this authoritarian government leads you by your nose so much that it falls off.

Can't you see that people think you are ridiculous and they are just making fun of you?

You say you are pro-life. I say YOU need someone to TELL you what to believe and what to say because you can't do it for yourself. If you could; you wouldn't be in this blogging hell.

"Man cannot tell another man how to live; he must find his OWN truth and live it! He must Live and LET LIVE, otherwise we get mindless drones LIKE YOU, PETE!"

WAKE UP buddy!
colleen pridemore | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:36 pm | #

Hey, Pete. Beacue you sound like such a really, really neat guy, I have a fantastic deal that I would like to share with you. See, there's this bridge connecting Manhattan and Brooklyn that I am looking to sell, real cheap. I mean it's a bargain. I would hate for you to miss out on it. I'll need you to wire the money to a bank in Nigeria...
Oh | 07.11.06 - 7:38 pm | #

Ahhh-hahaha!!!

"Mess Weber summed up her article with:
'If my HMO wouldn’t have bowed to their pressure not to cover oral contraceptives, I never would’ve gotten pregnant in the first place.'
-Exactly, people like her blame their pregnancies and consequential abortions on the pro-life movement. It's all our fault that she would go to bed with a man who would be more than happy to get her pregnant."

This dumb MF doesn't even know what an oral contraceptive is. It doesn't take a rambunctiously promiscuous person to figure that one out. Just a literate person.
Sorry, Pete.
Atum | 07.11.06 - 7:39 pm | #

Gravatar Poasting Toast in a dumbass thread.
Toast Poaster | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:40 pm | #

a woman who supports the suctioning out of brains from human beings to collapse their skulls in order to remove their dead carcases from the women who have chosen to kill their children.


no, no, no, they use this to make many different poultices for the curing of ailments.
beano | 07.11.06 - 7:40 pm | #

This is great! you still don't get it!! you have made my life a little brighter, thank-you! HAHA
George | 07.11.06 - 7:41 pm | #

Gravatar No, you did not do a good job at anything except looking like a dolt.

Sorry.

Learn to read everything before you jump.

Thanks.
Tara Grieb | 07.11.06 - 7:42 pm | #

"Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the 'satire' right back at them, don’t you?"

No, no. Not so much. I'm still laughing here.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 7:43 pm | #

Gravatar Everybody,
I wish that people would calm down on the insults. He made an innocent mistake on a very public place...cut him a break.

Pete,
seriously just keep doing what your doing. This whole thing will pass in a couple days.
mike | 07.11.06 - 7:43 pm | #

You had to look up the term satire!! you dope, how is anybody supposed to take you seriously?
George | 07.11.06 - 7:44 pm | #

So now that youve pretty much dashed every ounce of credibility you might of thught you had, you might want to keep your big dumb mouth shut. That means no folow ups, no what I learned from being a total idiot and then proving it (while still pretending you got the last laugh), no nothing. You didnt, you arent fooling anyone and you are laughing stock. Your 15 minutes of fame are almost over and it was a sad way to go.
imindie | 07.11.06 - 7:46 pm | #

I was searching abortion, as I do every day, and this popped up.
Jim | 07.11.06 - 7:46 pm | #

she didn't say any of those awful things. you said them and she nodded, probably to see what other dumb shit you would come up with. you were baiting her and some how that means caroline weber was real enough to write about in your little world of circular reasoning and logical flaws.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 7:46 pm | #

My good sir, I agree with you. Continue to grace us with these impassioned thoughts regarding the decadence of our society.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 7:47 pm | #

Gravatar YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT. GO DIE.
Shabaz K. Morton | 07.11.06 - 7:49 pm | #

You should see if the Onion is hiring.
J | 07.11.06 - 7:53 pm | #

Gravatar life must be tough for someone that dense/dumb/gullible/humor impaired/or whatever is wrong with the poor pitiful pathetic foolish thing.
onionpencil | 07.11.06 - 7:53 pm | #

Jane you ignorant slut....
plf | 07.11.06 - 7:57 pm | #

Welcome to Delusionopolis! Population: You

"Not all conservatives are stupid people but all stupid people are conservatives" - John Stuart Mill
Rusputin | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 7:59 pm | #

[mouth agape]

Holy shit. You're genuinely dumb.
EconAtheist | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 8:01 pm | #

BEST LAUGH EVER! You should write for the Onion yourself dude!
Mike | 07.11.06 - 8:02 pm | #

Gravatar Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?

No, Pete, you did not. I'm pro-life, and what you achieved with your second post was a brilliant, albeit unintentional, self-parody.
Michael | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 8:04 pm | #

I have a question for you. When are you pro-lifers going to start putting your money where your mouth is and start offering to adopt and support these unwanted babies? For every abortion you prevent, you should have to fork over cash for the support of the little crotch-dropling.
Lippy | 07.11.06 - 8:05 pm | #

Damn. I'm betting Pete is really a pro-choicer in disguise, 'cause he's doing more damage for the pro-life position in posting these two brainless articles than any pro-choice protest in D.C. ever could. Keep up the good work, Pete!
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 8:10 pm | #

Listen, Pete?

Can you do me a favor?

Please don't delete these posts just yet. I mean, I know it has to be a terrible embarrassment to you to be so completely vilified and ridiculed, but really, I need you to keep strong and hold your own.

Because I want to link to your blog in my blog so that even more people can know why I get down on my knees at night and thank all that is holy that I'm not pro-life, republican, Christian or anything else that you are.

Smooches, Pete. Very chaste smooches.
anahata56 | 07.11.06 - 8:10 pm | #

Gravatar I hope Pete and his ilk get their laws passed, because without abortion rights there will be lots more unwanted children, and no one will notice if we roast and eat a few!
Leishalynn | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 8:10 pm | #

Gravatar Priceless. Truely.

And here I thought the joy of my day was going to be watching the new Ned Lamont ads.

Pete, any chance there are some others like who are also writing online that we might read?

God my side hurts. :D
Will | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 8:12 pm | #

MAD? Oh no.

Woohoo, abortions for everybody!

love, "Caroline"
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 8:18 pm | #

I would comment, but I was taught that it is unfair to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
Shadow | 07.11.06 - 8:18 pm | #

honestly, the first one wasn't enough...thank you, i really haven't laughed this long in a while
hmm | 07.11.06 - 8:19 pm | #

Gravatar Guys, I think I have discovered the true source behind all of this: The Onion. Yes, this is one of the finest peices of comedy ever written and could only have been created BY The Onion to boost their readership, and it worked! Bless you Onion!
DJ Smeg | 07.11.06 - 8:21 pm | #

Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?

No.

No.

And... No!

I mean, seriously? YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE ONION IS? What is wrong with you, man?
Melinda | 07.11.06 - 8:22 pm | #

OMFG!

The first post was funny but this is absolutely priceless.

Keep posting Pete, you really lift my spirits and have renewed my belief that human stupidity truly is infinite.
Dipippo's Ass | 07.11.06 - 8:29 pm | #

I'm with Lippy.

I might take these losers seriously if every one of them adopted just one crack-addicted, AIDS infested, unwanted, seriously damaged product of incest. But they're too busy impregnating their own broodmares to consider adopting.

Which, in my opinion, blows their credibility to hell and gone.

Hey Pete?

How many kids have YOU adopted?
anahata56 | 07.11.06 - 8:29 pm | #

Gravatar My elders taught me it wasn't polite to laugh at stoopid people, but I believe they're willing to make an exception in this case. At least I hope so, 'cause I sure am laughing.

Yeesh. . . .
folderol | 07.11.06 - 8:33 pm | #

Gravatar if you had any friends, they would tell you to remove these posts.

however, since reading your two most recent blogs have given me a really, really, really (insert more reallys) good laugh i think you should leave them up and keep on sharing your thoughts.

but i'm not your friend.

=ck
Chad | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 8:35 pm | #

Gravatar When you have a child, since it seems that will eventually happen, I hope to hell you don't have a daughter.
Because 1 out of every 2 women is sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. EVERY OTHER WOMAN. If a woman is raped, should she deny the D&C the hospital routinely does because she might be pregnant? If she doesn't report the rape, should she keep that baby as a constant reminder?
Or are you the type that believes it's a woman's fault when she's raped.
God forbid you are ever facing your 13 year old daughter who's telling you that she was raped and is 6 weeks pregnant with her rapists child. And mercy on your poor daughter.
Jen | 07.11.06 - 8:45 pm | #

Just give up and admit that you're an idiot. It's okay. You're kinda cute and loveable with your doofy-republican-with-hemroids--who-hasn't-gotten- laid-in-a-decade charm. It's working for you.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 8:50 pm | #

Gravatar ROROROROROROROROROROROROR

ROFLMAO!!!!

Holy shit. Best. Comments. Thread. Evar.

Also, Dumbest. Bloggar. Evar.
el diablo de verde | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 8:55 pm | #

I wrote the blog in a way that was meant to point out how psychotic the pro-abortion movement is.

Pot, meet kettle.
Lightning Rose | 07.11.06 - 9:03 pm | #

I'm going to go make out a fat check to Planned Parenthood. Thanks for the inspiration.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 9:04 pm | #

Gravatar Friend, you need to stop. Right now.

You hear that noise? That noise, sir, is the sound of the entire world shitting their pants from laughing so damn hard. Pretty damn soon civilization is going to grind to a halt. And then fictional people having abortions won't be the only thing you have to worry about.
Dunciad | 07.11.06 - 9:04 pm | #

You're still a moron and a bad writer, Pete.

If I lose MY RIGHT to have an abortion in the next few years because of people like you, will you raise my child? I'm not ready to have kids. I'm also married. My husband and I made a choice to wait.

So, let me know when you want that baby. OK?

Asshole.
What goes on in my uterus is m | 07.11.06 - 9:05 pm | #

Gravatar Although I feel like I'm shooting fish in a barrel, I'll indulge myself:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

:gasp:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!
Peggy Archer | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 9:10 pm | #

Gravatar you are retarded. go back to your shack in kansas.

i hope you pay taxes and do not recieve government handouts.

if you do, do us all a favor and commit suicide. we then can save on the deficit. thanks.
johnny apleseed | 07.11.06 - 9:12 pm | #

"Anyway, I wrote the blog in a way that was meant to point out how psychotic the pro-abortion movement is. I have been at abortion mills, picketed government buildings, parks and more."

Abortion Mills? Is that where they use the big wheel to grind the fetuses for Chef Boyardee?

I picket parks too. Fuck trees! Those aborting bastards!
Rusputin | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 9:13 pm | #

Hi,

On behalf of Pro-Lifers everywhere, I'd like to ask you to do the one thing that would help the cause more than anything else - switch sides.

Thanks.
Fellow Pro Lifer | 07.11.06 - 9:23 pm | #

Gravatar

Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?


No, you did an EXTREMELY good job at turning yourself into the daily laughingstock.

Don't believe me? Check your page view stats for today.

BTW, I got the trackback to this lunacy the same way just about everybody else on that up-up-and-away page-view graph did. Your site was reposted as a prime example of someone shooting himself in the foot. With an M-60 machine gun. On full auto.

Continue, please. By all means.

You are one of the best, and certainly the funniest, things to happen to liberalism in quite some time.
Stormcrow | 07.11.06 - 9:24 pm | #

My...God.... I have seen the Devil...and it Has No Brain!!!!
aMeta4 | 07.11.06 - 9:27 pm | #

Pete. Mate. Seriously. I'm a university educated Roman Catholic with an IQ of 159, and whenever I mention my faith people think I'm a moron, all because of folks like you. Thanks a bundle.

Sites like yours will not prevent a single abortion. Not one. Think about it. We need to address the root causes of abortion to reduce it.

Oh, and God called. He loves you very much... but He wants His religion back. Please wash it first.
And no, you did not do a good job with the satire. Stop writing Pete, you're needed down at your local homeless shelter.

Oh, and one thing I forgot: ROTFLMAO
cometjantshira | 07.11.06 - 9:31 pm | #

Gravatar You're an asshole, Pete ol' pal.
Brick Stonewall | 07.11.06 - 9:45 pm | #

Gravatar Hey Pete - hear that honking outside your office? It's the short bus waiting to drive you home.

Don't forget your helmet!
Short Bus Driver | 07.11.06 - 9:51 pm | #

jesus, I thought Caroline Weber was the blogger at this site... nicknamed "Pete" I assume.

wtf is going on.

is reality real any more or what?

oh, strawberries.
unger | 07.11.06 - 9:57 pm | #

"Was the article aiming at the women who have the abortions or the people who believe it is better to save lives than kill them?"

it was satirizing the straw woman that the anti-choice crowd has created in order to further its program of compulsory pregnancy.. simple eh??
dyssident | 07.11.06 - 10:04 pm | #

You're an idiot.
j | 07.11.06 - 10:28 pm | #

Wow, this is now international. I got an email about this guy, and he really is that bloody dumb.
Pete, my God, I'm in Australia and everyone is shitting their pants in anticipation for what you might write next. Only in America
Rotten Onion | 07.11.06 - 10:32 pm | #

The Onion piece was meant to point out the absurdity of YOUR world-view, namely, the view that people like Caroline Weber exist! THERE ARE NO CAROLINE WEBERS, Pete, NO CAROLINE WEBERS.

The choice to have an abortion is an extremely difficult one. Women make it out of sheer and dire necessity.

Pete, imagine that your wife was brutally raped and impregnated by the rapist. In your world, Pete, she would HAVE TO HAVE THE BABY. She would have NO CHOICE BUT TO HAVE THE BABY. THE GOVERNMENT WOULD BE FORCING HER TO HAVE THE BABY.

Imagine that your 13 year old daughter was brutally raped to within an inch of and impregnated by the rapist. Pete, in case you didn't know, IF YOU HAD YOUR WAY, then your daughter would HAVE TO HAVE THE BABY.

Imagine that your wife is pregnant, and giving birth would result in her death. Furthermore, the child would be horribly deformed, and would certainly die within minutes or hours of birth. IN YOUR IDEAL WORLD, Pete, THE ONE WHICH YOU ARE ACTIVELY TRYING TO BRING ABOUT, YOUR WIFE WOULD BE FORCED BY THE GOVERNMENT TO HAVE THE BABY. SHE WOULD DIE, THE BABY WOULD THEN DIE WITHIN HOURS.

This is the problem with government bans, Pete. You allow for these scenarios. There would be no exception for your special case, Pete, no exception. Your wife would die. Her baby would die. You would be left with nothing. If the law you want passed gets passed. If you get the world you want.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 10:34 pm | #

Gravatar "Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back "at them, don’t you?"

Er....No.
g | 07.11.06 - 10:36 pm | #

Gravatar Hi,

Wow! Reading these comments is an eye-opener. There are a lot of very angry, rude, arrogant and intolerant people on the internet, on both sides of the debate.

I'd like to contribute a few points. I don't claim to have a monopoly on the truth. God has not spoken to me directly, and even if that were to happen, I'd still suspect it was my own mind playing tricks. Even so, I think my viewpoint is as valid as anyone elses.

Abortion is a bad thing, but it is not the worst thing. It is a very serious decision, with serious physical and emotional consequences.

I believe having a baby is an even more serious decision - it too has serious physical and emotional consequences, but moreso because it brings another being in to this world, to experience all the joy and suffering that it entails.

Of course noone should take either decision lightly. Neither should anyone force another person to take either decision.

Unless you were an unwanted baby, you can not understand the suffering that brings. And it has consequences for society as a whole, because unwanted children are more likely to grow up to be mistreated, traumatised, damaged human beings who pass on their suffering to those around them in the form of violence and crime.

Rather than fighting mothers in the very difficult position of having unwanted pregnancies, it would be much better to put energy into preventing that situation in the first place and providing support for those mothers. Even providing loving homes for unwanted children so that mothers feel there is hope for a happy life for their children.

There are so many positive things that can be done around this issue. It seems wrong to focus on the negative side when there is so much work that needs to be done on the positive side. Why make people in a bad situation feel worse, and attempt to control their lives, especially when it is clear that it can't be done and causes more problems than it solves?
xoctor | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:37 pm | #

Pete! Your ratings are going through the roof! Seriously, have you seen your site visits recently? You're kickin' ass, my boy!

I'm seriously thinking of writing a piece like yours just to pump up the stats on my own blog! So I went looking through the Onion's site to find stories I could rant about obliviously. I found these:


"Why Do Porn Actors Have To Use Such Foul Language?"

"Stereotypes Are A Real Time-Saver"

"Don't Tell Me You've Never Wondered What Yoda's Penis Looks Like"

"If I Don't Get My Medium-Rare Shell Steak With Roasted Vegetables In The Next 10 Minutes, The Terrorists Have Already Won"

"New Starbucks Opens In Rest Room Of Existing Starbucks"



Let it also be said that the comment from a pro-lifer asking you to switch sides is one of the funniest things I've seen this week. Keep this up, Pete, and you'll be as popular as Rev. Fred Phelps. I'm pullin' for ya buddy!
The Fob | 07.11.06 - 10:38 pm | #

Does anyone else have the feeling Pete might not be the one being taken in by satire here?
David | 07.11.06 - 10:40 pm | #

Gravatar "Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?"

You are a fucktard, lol.
lol | 07.11.06 - 10:42 pm | #

CAROLINE WEBER IS NOT A REAL PERSON, YOU MORON! you are way, way more than a "dolt." i made a comment similair to this in the original post, but i'll say it again: this just goes to show how ignorant and stupid anti-choice folks are. ESPECIALLY anti-choice men. get a life, and do your research.
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 10:44 pm | #

You fucking moron. Go ahead, try to save your skin from ridicule. You're just making it worse.
I have one thing to say... | 07.11.06 - 10:46 pm | #

"Let it also be said that the comment from a pro-lifer asking you to switch sides is one of the funniest things I've seen this week."


Thanks. I assume you mean, "funniest, other than Pete's blog entries".
Fellow Pro Lifer | 07.11.06 - 10:46 pm | #

Gravatar Pete. Since you say you meet women as gleeful and eager to abort as the fictional Carolyn in the field "all the time", it should be an easy task for you to document that. Surely a woman eager and gleeful about aborting a baby will be publishing about it. There should be a slew of such articles on the internet. Go ahead. Find one. One that isn't satire, that is.

And no, you idiot, advocating for the necessity of legal, safe abortions is not the same thing as "eager, gleeful" abortions. Even if legal and eager and gleeful all share long-e sounds.
odanu | 07.11.06 - 10:50 pm | #

People, people.... please dont feed the troll. No one is truly this stupid. Can you say "publicity stunt"?
Anon | 07.11.06 - 10:54 pm | #

Gravatar Can't. stop. laughing.

...and I'm in a public library.

ROFL
Fred | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 10:58 pm | #

Gravatar Pete,

I know that you must feel pretty silly with all the egg on your face right now. I'm sorry, man, I've been there myself.

What you're standing for is right, and your cause is just, so don't let this get you down. Keep up your good work, just do be careful of your sources.
Salah-ad-Din | 07.11.06 - 11:13 pm | #

Gravatar Let the BACKPEDALING begin!

No, wait, he still believes it.....even God is facepalming right now. I know, because he told me!
Bad Spock | 07.11.06 - 11:15 pm | #

This entire episode is a troll
sdfghjk | 07.11.06 - 11:20 pm | #

good god noob throw your computer away
Anonymous | 07.11.06 - 11:25 pm | #

"United we stand - Divided they die - Pass it on"

You scare me badly. I am so disturbed right now. What an evil slogan your movement has.

I am a pro-life and I am highly offended by the fact that you claim to be pro-life and yet your "pro-life" "slogan" includes the words "divided they die".

Are you really an evil pro-abortionist trying to make the pro-life movement look bad? If so, your liberal sarcasm makes me sick.
jess | 07.11.06 - 11:26 pm | #

Gravatar Your idiocy serves as a swell indictment of all the anti-choice, bible-banging sheeple.
The name of the author, as well as the photograph, are fabricated.

"Prove there IS a god, and i will hate god."
--Swallowing Sh*t
Ben Johnson | 07.11.06 - 11:27 pm | #

Gravatar Pete,


RUN AWAY!

You need to blow this site up. Absolutely no one is going to take your posts seriously anymore. It is taking your initial 'point' out of the equation, and has turned it into a complete joke. If that was your intention, then Bravo... if not, it is time for you to leave the party, so to speak, before you embarass yourself any further.

As they say it is best to keep silent and let people wonder if you are an idiot, than to open your mouth and prove it.

BTW as you seem to be confused about what the Onion is, let me put it simply, it is about as serious as Mad Magazine. The whole thing is a joke mag, it isn't 'sarcastic' it is 'satirical' much like the news segment on Saturday Night Live. Now you wouldn't quote them as a credible news source, that was simply being sarcastic, would you?

Seriously, would you?
SpankySunrise | 07.11.06 - 11:40 pm | #

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URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP | 07.11.06 - 11:45 pm | #

Gravatar Pete for president!
Crowd chats: Pete Pete Pete Pete

Quick Pete buy some Google Adwords!

Pete I love you bro. Seriously I LOVE YOU MAN. And by love I mean in a gay but sex type of way.
zigzag | Homepage | 07.11.06 - 11:47 pm | #

Keep blogging.
Grant | 07.11.06 - 11:48 pm | #

oops . . . again . . . and again?
me | 07.11.06 - 11:55 pm | #

Gravatar You know what I love most about debates like those over abortion?
The ridiculous group names.
Pro-Life. Pro-Choice.
Who ISN'T both pro-life and pro-choice?
Are the people in the pro-life movement against free will? No? Then they're pro-choice.
Are the people in the pro-choice movement for the ending of life itself? No? Then they're pro-life.

Be honest with yourselves, people. You're pro/anti-abortion, not pro-life/choice.
Johhny | 07.11.06 - 11:56 pm | #

dude give it up--you STILL don't get it! people talk about brain drain--hmm... damn I hope you are not part of where we are going . . . this was the BEST laugh I have had in forever and to see you still trying to make it "work"---bwwwaaahhhh
meow | 07.11.06 - 11:57 pm | #

it was a joke, accept it. You're also an idiot, accept it.
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 12:00 am | #

Gravatar Abstain from sex. Refrain from donating sperm or any other type of genetic material. Don't even donate blood, the human race is doomed if what you have spreads.
H. Muenster | 07.12.06 - 12:04 am | #

I love how you propose to give us the definition for the word "satire" and then inadvertently give us the definition for the word "sarcasm". Here's a brainstorm...those are two different words. They mean different things. Satire is not insulting in nature. Sarcasm is. Let's see an example of sarcasm:

"You're the most intelligent person I've ever met. You deserve an honorary Ph.D. from Oxford for your blogging merits and your unparalleled contributions to society."

See how sarcasm works?

Seriously, man. You just proved yourself to be even dumber than we thought.
Drew | 07.12.06 - 12:06 am | #

Fucktard
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 12:06 am | #

The bible says Jebus named Peter "The Rock" as the first leader of the Christian Church. You, Peter, are a rock.
Jake Boyman | 07.12.06 - 12:08 am | #

Gravatar Please just say "I'm an idiot" and move on. Start another blog under another name. Maybe people will even listen to you for a week or two before you say something unbelievably retarded and screw it up again.
ohman | 07.12.06 - 12:08 am | #

Hey,

I like your style. You should come and be an editor for my Wikipedia!

-Jimbo
Jimbo Wales | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 12:15 am | #

Gravatar Please, please, fellow commentators, be polite to Pete.--
These days, The Onion has become a better and more truthful source on many current events than, say, Faux News and other 'mainstream media.' And if some events reported by The Onion are not true yet, the (sad) story is, they seem to become true too soon. Reality overcomes satire these days.--
With their White House reporting so dead-on target, who could suspect any of their other articles?
Please B. Polite | 07.12.06 - 12:15 am | #

Gravatar You are truly one of the stupidest people I have ever encountered. It's fitting that someone as delusional as you are is working for the anti-abortion cause. You are the PERFECT representative of assinine fuckwits everywhere, and you cannot but send multitudes screaming away from any cause you might represent, including this one.

We pro-choicers thank you.
Cynthia | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 12:18 am | #

Gravatar Is this even possible? I'd think that several hundred folks letting you know that the article was completely fake might give you a clue. Maybe.

I'm not buying your cover-up story.
Tim McCormack | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 12:18 am | #

Gravatar "Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?"

Yeah, not so much. Judging from these comments, not too many people think you did either.
Eric | 07.12.06 - 12:26 am | #

Gravatar I am going to be gentle.

Find a new name, make a new blog.

And I'm terribly sorry, but some completely fabricated conversation is hardly "proof" that it wasn't satire.

want to stop abortions? tell your kids not to have abortions.

Legislating what other people do with their bodies is hardly righteous.
MandatoryAbortion | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 12:27 am | #

Gravatar "I disagree with it, but I wouldn't tell a woman what to do with her body".

Reagan supported this.
Anonymous | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 12:37 am | #

Gravatar twit
yupitsme | 07.12.06 - 12:40 am | #

Your writing presents a good arguement for the support of late term post-natal abortion.
notanumber | 07.12.06 - 12:59 am | #

Gravatar Wow I have met some stupid people in my day but you really have to take the cake. You can't seriously believe that there are people out there who are excited and plan to have abortions. As a pro-CHOICE person I realize that deciding to have an abortion is one of the hardest decisions I or any other woman would have to make. I certainly would not "skip" to the clinic. I would think that as a female you would at least have THAT common sense lodged somewhere in your brain. Think next time before you post an asinine blog about an article that is clearly fictional!
deepred | 07.12.06 - 1:11 am | #

Thank you again for making abortion funny.
Steve Gibson | 07.12.06 - 1:15 am | #

If abortion wasn't legal, imagine the increase of illegal abortions & dead babies found in trash cans & toilets.

Let a woman do what she wishes to do, even if it leaves her regretting it. People live & learn from their mistakes.
Xoiz | 07.12.06 - 1:16 am | #

Gravatar Hey look! A village idiot for the vacancy left by Bush!!!
I wonder if he can make balloon animals too... cuz u know... that's actually useful.
deviousmonkey | 07.12.06 - 1:22 am | #

Nobody can really be this stupid...can they?

Pete. Rent a cerebrum - steal one if you have to.

What...do all conservatives step out for a beer when neuron stem cells are being handed out?
American | 07.12.06 - 1:26 am | #

The only thing sadder than you not realizing the original article was satire is that you still can't just admit you were wrong.

You're a walking poster child for forcible sterilization.
Kaa | 07.12.06 - 1:29 am | #

People, people, people, how cruel to pick on a child - leave the little tyke alone. At five years old, he can't be expected to know the meaning of the word "satire". And just look at all the work he did: he looked up the meaning of the word "satire" which uses the word "sarcasm" in the definition, so then he had to look up the word "sarcasm"....

Now son, does your mommy know you're playing on the computer again?

.
Mac | 07.12.06 - 1:30 am | #

Gravatar Wave your freak flag high.

The Onion is a bit of a Liberal smear rag. Get your news from the source: http://www.whitehouse.org/

This is the real news, straight from our glorious leaders mouth to your ear. God placed GWB on this earth to save us from ourselves, and to hurry the rapture! With Jesus at his side, and your support we can't go wrong!
Fnord | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 1:31 am | #

Yo Petey me and Caroline W are going to the "abortion mill" tonight for some shots and bareback sex with the locals...I can't wait till I wake up tomorrow morning with a hangover that I chase with a bottle of RU-486; it's party time !!
NN | 07.12.06 - 1:31 am | #

Gravatar Caroline W: I saw you at the clinic. U R HAWT! Can we meet?
BigStud436 | 07.12.06 - 1:33 am | #

Gravatar Pete,
would you like to buy some stock I have? Jesus told me that the price was going to go up when armaggedon happens just before the November elections.
John | 07.12.06 - 1:42 am | #

Here's a site that might be more to your liking. It'll preach right to what your beliefs are, and you won't be presented with anything that will make you upset or unhappy.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

Enjoy.
Kaa | 07.12.06 - 1:51 am | #

raising my freak flag, higher and higher...

You know, I used to be pro-life.

It is people like you with your self-satisfied, ignorant, and narrow-minded views that really caused me to dissociate from the movement and look at the big picture.

I would still choose adoption over abortion, but I suggest that you not open your mouth on the subject again until you recover a few dozen IQ points.
appalled | 07.12.06 - 1:51 am | #

If anyone wonders why the world is blowing up in our faces, just look at this fellow Pete, and imagine that 23% of this country's population is right behind him. The Republican War on Literacy (RWOL) appears to be gaining success at an exponential rate. Thank George Bush for setting the bar for us all.

Anyway Pete, thanks for the laughs. It's a rare find indeed that can make me roll on the floor laughing these days. Your posts have brought tears to my eyes man. You're a gem.
Pete=Backwash | 07.12.06 - 2:15 am | #

Gravatar Is this blog being ghostwritten by Stephen Colbert?

BTW, the pseudonym "Pete", as in peter, is a cute touch.
Dick Johnson | 07.12.06 - 2:36 am | #

Gravatar This is why i love arch-conservatives - y'all are *entirely* too much fun to fuck with.

even if it *is* ridiculously easy.
Rich | 07.12.06 - 2:44 am | #

Naaarrrrfffffffffff!
Kevin | 07.12.06 - 2:45 am | #

I'm one more that can't beleive how dumb you are. Please do not speak to another person again, you can only do evil. stupid, stupid evil.
1 more | 07.12.06 - 2:54 am | #

Gold. Seriously. Pete. Please. Read. And I mean REALLY READ the first comment here. You're losing at life, and with a worldwide audience.
6 | 07.12.06 - 3:04 am | #

Gravatar Congratulations...the morons have crowned you as their king!!!!
Celtic Diva | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 3:06 am | #

Actually I'm a bit worried about this bloke. Had a bit of a look round his site and I'm wondering if he has undiagnosed autism or Asperger's. In which case there's no point screaming at him that it's satire because he genuinely does not understand and cannot understand.
Or he is an arrogant, sexist, plonker.
Either way, not safe in public unsupervised.
buildmonkey | 07.12.06 - 3:28 am | #

Gravatar OMG, I totally met a guy who told me that he's pro-life because he's a serial rapist. He wants to rape a MILLION women and have a million kids! Help me, Pete, help me stop those babykillers before the stop my guy from getting on with god's work! He told me so, Pete!

So....who do you think is the dumbest person on Earth?

Pray for brain cells, they're not just for godless heathens anymore.
Jean | 07.12.06 - 3:55 am | #

Gravatar The woman on the blanket responded to you in the way that she did because she probably realized she was dealing with an idiot who can't tell the difference between a child capable of living independantly outside of the womb and a foetus which is basically a dependant parasitic microbal stew.

If you loooove kids so much, how many hispanic meth-addicted twelve year old foster kids do you have?

P.S. Undiagnosed mental health issues can be treated, and is not cause for shame. Seriously, I'm not being sarcastic.
me | 07.12.06 - 4:06 am | #

If you're the head of the anti-abortion league, it's never going to go anywhere.

So, since I like making my own decisions, thanks for being a failure!
Circe | 07.12.06 - 4:15 am | #

Gravatar I didn't want to respond, at over 600 replies, I thought everything had been said. You see, Pete, I felt sort of sorry for you after reading tonight's post. And guilty because I forwarded yesterday's on to a lot of my friends and called you an asshat.

Now, why would I feel sorry for you and guilty for having participated in the virtual act of pointing and laughing at you? Because I was always taught that such behavior is disrespectful in a very basic way. That each of us has a right to our opinion and a moment or two of stupidity. But I went exploring on your site and I realize you have no respect for anyone who does not follow your religious, fundamentalist view. That we're all lost unless we jump on your horribly misguided wagon. That you not only have any respect for anyone not in line with your point of view, but after today's post, no respect for yourself.

You see, respect for oneself would dictate that an admittance of error would have shown up somewhere in your post today. That integrity and conviction in one's point of view in the face of embarassment would be evident. Sadly it is not. What is in evidence is a very small man, perhaps not entirely convinced of his righteousness of belief because he made a silly mistake that shows he is flawed in his judgement and thinking. A man who is so sure he has the right and ability to impose his views on others that he interrupts strangers to hammer away at anyone who is mistaken enough to acknowledge his presence and actions in a self-congratulatory, holier than thou, rant about the virtues of his beliefs.

Sir, you show no respect for others, nor do you exhibit any self-respect or integrity. So I say to those who would berate you, have at the asshat and show the same sort of mercy he shows to those he berates, preaches at, and refuses to see as having any sort of the same humanity that resides in him. Because he deserves it and because until he can see the common threads of basic humanity that in a thousand ways make us all the same he and his ilk will not stop.

Rat bastard.
LuLu | 07.12.06 - 4:18 am | #

This is beautiful.
Holmes | 07.12.06 - 4:26 am | #

Gravatar Why is it that the cute little wide-eyed child you have a picture of just happens to be white, light-haired, and blue-eyed even though the overwhelming majority of abortions are being performed on women who are of decidedly non-Aryan ethnicities? Is it because you wouldn't have as many supporters if it weren't a cute little white child (conceived within wedlock and by people who can afford to raise a child, of course) you were trying to convince people to save?
Beth | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 4:28 am | #

Wow, dude. You suck in more ways than I thought after reading the first post on this subject...

It may not be the God you believe in, but I sure hope that *somebody* is out there watching over you, because you sure need it...
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 4:29 am | #

Gravatar the overwhelming majority of abortions are being performed on women who are of decidedly non-Aryan ethnicities?

Really? In THIS country?

I don't think so.
Lettuce | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 4:44 am | #

Gravatar Which country is "this" country? I thought teh interweb was international.

Silly Americans who think their country is the center of the universe.
Beth | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 4:48 am | #

"As a matter of fact, call me a dolt..."

600+ people already have, and you still haven't gotten it. Why should I belabor the obvious?

"It's all our fault that she would go to bed with a man who would be more than happy to get her pregnant."

Like many in the anti-choice movement, you seem to be much more offended by the idea of women voluntarily having sex than you are by dead embryos.

You're doing a great job uniting the pro-choice lobby, by making it a fun place to be. Keep up the good work!
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 4:50 am | #

‘Me’ said:

“P.S. Undiagnosed mental health issues can be treated, and is not cause for shame. Seriously, I'm not being sarcastic.”

I agree. I was being at least partly serious about the Asperger’s. I wouldn’t presume to diagnose on the basis of a blog (of all things), but if he does have a disorder on the autistic spectrum then the responses he is getting may be confusing him a bit. Point is he shouldn’t be going up to women he doesn’t know and asking them how they felt about being raped and murdered. No argument there surely? It’s not a question of shame, but of getting support to understand other people’s perspectives if he needs it.

If he doesn’t have a disorder then let rip, he’s got it coming.
Buildmonkey | 07.12.06 - 4:53 am | #

Mouse: $29.99
ISP Service: $30.99
Pete attempting to save face? Priceless.
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 5:12 am | #

A few people have said that good old Pete's actually been pulling a fast one on us this whole time.... bullshit, guys, read through this guy's journal: over a year's worth of material, all just as moronic. If it's an act, he's been pretty patient for this reaction.
hohum | 07.12.06 - 5:35 am | #

Gravatar Hi, enough fun of you has already been made, but I think that "article" should point out to you that no one feels an abortion is "awesome" or would be "totally psyched" about one. You might not understand satire but do you understand abivalence? Very few people on the pro-choice side see abortion as a good thing in itself. Maybe you don't agree with pre-marital sex but it will always happen and the best thing you could do is to help educate people and do your best to help avoid unwanted pregnancies. Seriously. There's nothing anyone can do to prevent all abortions so focus your energy on helping to avoid unwanted pregnancies. It's the only way to reduce the number of abortions. The states in this country with the most restictions on birth control, both legal and cultural, are the ones with the highest abortion rates. And push for better education for the children who are born - the better educated someone is the better chances they'll use contraception. Most of the anti-abortion movement is barking up numerous wrong trees. Sex ed and openness about sex are the only ways to reduce abortions.
ilovesex | 07.12.06 - 5:47 am | #

キタ━━━━━━(゚∀゚━━━━━━ !!!!!
としあӔ | 07.12.06 - 5:55 am | #

Gravatar Ignore these guys Pete, they don't understand.

I would fight their ignorance alongside you, but first I have to go and protest against Kim Jong Il turning himself into Optimus Prime

http://www.theonion.com/content/...28&special=2003
Pete fan | 07.12.06 - 6:05 am | #

Just to move away from the mocking and the satire for a moment, here's something I wrote last night that everyone needs to read. I know this isn't the best place for it, but this page seems to be collecting a lot of traffic


It is commonly held amongst us all that the killing of another human being is, for the most part, immoral. Why such a belief is so frequently endorsed has many suppotive reasons. The consequences of killing someone is detrimental in some way or other; God commands us not to kill; the action of killing is immoral in itself, and so on.

Economically, however, and ethically, this belief is flawed. Indeed, rather than being considered immoral or barbaric, one instead ought to think of the killing of peoples at or above a certain age (i.e. retirement age) to be both ethically sound and entirely wholesome to our, and any other, society.

I realise at this point that my proposal seems over the top, even (to use the word again) 'barbaric', but I offer this proposal with the utmost sincerity: once one understands the motive, one should understand that what I suggest is ethically sound.

First, recently a 65 year old gave birth. This is, in my view, an act of utter selfishness. No woman should give birth if there is a high likelihood of the infant departing nappies after the mother has entered a pair of her own. Frankly, I abhor the notion of a possibly demented 87 year old seeing her child through the mid-stage of his or her teenage years, all the while struggling to cope with a pittance of a pension, child support and disability benefits.

That this woman is happy to be a mother is all well and good, but when the tax payer has to fund her, she attracts depression from both rank unpopularity and the pain of explaining, yet again, to her child, 'No, I'm not your grandma!'

But let's not view the birth as a travesty, because modern science can claim a breakthrough. Look! they cry, we've created life, a woman is happy, and at a stretch of the imagination one may even claim that we've found a successful countermeasure to abortion procedures - you suck them out, we stick them in! Though I do not advocate a slippery slope fallacy, I have to wonder how long it will be before egoism, selfishness and ignorance paves the way for cloning experiments and the manipulation of foetal human organisms for so-called 'stem cell research'

Elsewhere, eldery folk can be caught picking up ASBOs, either because of their own pomposity or because their hatred of youth culture leads them to collect an ASBO, 'reform' and thus lend credence to that ill-conceived, society burdening government-born tragedy. Of the former variety, there are pensioners being locked up for refusing to pay council tax, old nudists traumatising infants - it is believed that some middle aged virgins, particularly those in the priesthood and the convents, opted for virginiity not out of devotion to God, but because the sight of a seventy something year
TheBeast | 07.12.06 - 6:08 am | #

I don't believe the comments above this one: they are all the work of Pete.
Vis | 07.12.06 - 6:10 am | #

Gravatar I don't expect everyone to have heard of The Onion before. The problem is that the article was written so plainly as a joke, about how super-awesome and fun getting an abortion is.

More than that, your response when that was pointed out to you quotes someone who really sounds like they were being sarcastic.

I'm worried about your gullibility. Seriously. You might want to get a therapist and talk about how it has affected your life.
anaphylol | 07.12.06 - 6:28 am | #

Jesus Christ Pete, you're a dumb dumb man...
Ado | 07.12.06 - 6:38 am | #

Gravatar Don't listen to them, Pete. I am real. No matter what they say. I'm as real as Jesus, and you know he walks with you and talks with you every day. You just have to believe. Rememeber, Jesus said they would persecute you for standing up for him (and by proxy me), so don't let a few negative responses dampen your faith.
Keep plugging away and someday, you will be eating fetuses with us in heaven.
--Carolyn
Carolyn Weber | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 6:51 am | #

Encore! More of the same, please.

I think all of these comments merit a response. Please? PLEASE?
Defecating my pants with laugh | 07.12.06 - 6:58 am | #

Man, you so need to think about getting some advertising banners up. You'd make a fortune.
Zorga | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 7:22 am | #

Gravatar 'Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?'

No.
Valerie Emanuel | 07.12.06 - 7:25 am | #

Wow. You, sir, are singularly the BEST argument for abortion I have yet encountered - such a pity it was illegal when you were in utero.
ethereal2 | 07.12.06 - 7:29 am | #

You know, stealing bandwidth (leached image) from The Onion isn't morally correct in my opinion either, but i'm not one for imposing my views on another being. If you feel theivery is fine, go for it.

In a way I feel sorry for your public embarresment, but if you see people like Caroline Weber all the time, why don't you use your own sources in the first place.

I'm actually worried that this isn't all a piece of wonderfully crafted satire too, and i'm the fool thinking this is real.
Matt | 07.12.06 - 7:34 am | #

Don't let the comments get to you. It is just one guy with too much time on his hands making this stuff up and putting different names to it, I suspect that only about 10 "real" people have actually had the chance to read your blog, in fact you should send it to all the local newspapers! The people have a right to know the facts.

If you really want to save the children you HAVE to keep fighting for this cause don't be put off, write something now, NOW, NOW, DO IT!
Jislizard | 07.12.06 - 7:49 am | #

Many thanks from the grateful people of Brisbane, you have managed to unite the world in one cause in a way that Greenpeace or CND never could.

Even people who don't read english are laughing at you

Can we get one of those map thingies going so everyone can post where they are from ?
The People Of Brisbane | 07.12.06 - 8:02 am | #

Gravatar As Whoopie Goldberg says:

"Don't like abortions? Cut off your dick."

Seriously (if that's possible), you are living proof that the Right has completely lost its sense of humor.

As EK Hornbeck says in Inherit the Wind:

"When you lose your power to laugh, you lose your power to think straight."
Whoopie Goldberg says... | 07.12.06 - 8:11 am | #

Gravatar Lol, you really are demented. Damn, give a pen to a monkey, he thinks he can write....obviously you should spend more time reading, and remove yourself from society until you have something to contribute. psuedo baby killer-killer
Chris | 07.12.06 - 8:26 am | #

Gravatar This is just too danged funny.
C'mon, NO ONE is that stupid, right?
Right?

Hahahahahahahahah! Thanks man, you made my day.
Hahahahah!
D.
dannyinwisconsin | 07.12.06 - 8:38 am | #

Gravatar Can I ask whether or not you believe in the death penalty?

Also, does Pete - stand for Peta (female) or Peter (male)?
Tina | 07.12.06 - 8:40 am | #

what Nicole said at 6:15 a.m.

no profanity, no personal attacks. Read what Nicole said, Pete, and, hopefully, learn.
Giuseppe Incognito | 07.12.06 - 8:51 am | #

Gravatar When you say "United We Stand - Divided they Die - Pass it on" who is the they you are referring to?
Bryant | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 8:56 am | #

Gravatar I'm sorry I have to repeat myself but this just makes it worse. Pete can't really exist, can he. How can someone really be that stupid and still be able to operate a computer. Even if you didn't know The Onion is a parody news site, read the article in question and it's obviously not real. I refuse to belive that someone with so few working brain-cells could still be breating. Time to admit this is also a parody site anti-abortion sites.
Clyde | 07.12.06 - 8:56 am | #

Listen...you want to save babies? Go adopt some. There's actually a ton of babies and children in foster care right now who need a home. Oh wait, you'd rather just pray over a fictious character. Listen the choice is simple...you ban abortion and women die.
Talking into the wind | 07.12.06 - 9:41 am | #

You're lucky that girl you talked to in the park didn't call the cops on you. That's what I would do if some STRANGER came over to me and started talking about someone coming up to ME and raping me and then killing me.

That's pretty creepy.
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 9:47 am | #

Pete

Your I.Q level makes me weep and fear for the future survival of the human race.

Unlike the post The Onion did yours is devoid of humor or logic.

Please put down your keyboard and mouse before you get hurt
OSC | 07.12.06 - 9:48 am | #

Gravatar I don't exist. I was aborted.

Help me... please...
Caroline Weber | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 9:58 am | #

Gravatar Well, Pete, I'm eternally grateful that your parents didn't abort you. Thanks for making my day...
Mimus Pauly | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 10:03 am | #

Gravatar If you weren't able to pick up on the fact that the article you cited was a spoof article, how can you be so sure that the woman you spoke with in the park was not also spoofing you?
mary | 07.12.06 - 10:07 am | #

Gravatar Sorry, but you're still an idiot.

But keep digging. Maybe if you dig long enough you can dig yourself right out of that hole you're in.
Jill | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 10:18 am | #

Gravatar As a Christian and a long-time member of the Right To Life movement, I am embarassed and horrified to have to count myself on the same "team" as you. Don't you think it would be a lot easier for us to get our message out there-- and to have people *listen* to our message, and take it seriously-- if we didn't have clueless, misinformed zealots making us all look ridiculous?

You have compounded the problem by not simply acknowledging your mistake and moving on. You continue to make yourself look foolish, and you are doing damage to our goals as Christians and Pro-Life Advocates as well.

Perhaps now's the time for you to remember what Jesus teaches us about humility...
Christopher | 07.12.06 - 10:22 am | #

Do you have a younger brother named "Repete?" Nyuck. Nyuck. Nyuck.

"Caroline Weber" kinda looks familar, doesn't she? Is she that chick from Dif'runt Strokes, the one who later made porno and OD in Lost Wages? Or, is she some other child star from the 80s? It's buggin' the fuck outta me.
An Enquiring Mind | 07.12.06 - 10:32 am | #

Nice job on "looking up the term satire" and actually putting the meaning of the term "sarcasm," dumbo.
aninominous | 07.12.06 - 10:33 am | #

Gravatar Just stunningly funny! Thanks Pete, you confirmed what I already suspected about you women-hating anti-choicers: you're a bit dim. Shame.
Pippa | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 10:36 am | #

Gravatar Do yourself a favor and abort yourself. It's not too late!!!
Alex | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 10:39 am | #

Gravatar Wow... You are really hurting your anti-abortion cause with your stubborn ignorance.

Maybe one of your smarter friends can explain this to you so you can stop making a fool out of yourself.

Or maybe not... this certainly is giving the world a real eyeful of who you self-righteous people really are.
Simply Shocked | 07.12.06 - 10:50 am | #

There's a line from the I-95 Song by August that fits you perfectly:

Were you born an asshole?
Or, did you work at it your whole life?
An Enquiring Mind | 07.12.06 - 10:52 am | #

Gravatar At this point I have to assume that this blog is fake, or is satire in and of itself. It is impossible for me to believe that the author is really this stupid, and that after realizing his initial mistake he wouldn't write a retraction of his original article.

What you don't seem to understand is that the Onion article is a satire of the Pro-Life movement's views on Pro-Choice women. What the author of that article did was take your psychotic and totally incorrect idea of what Pro-Choice women are like, turn those views into a fictional character named "Caroline Weber," and then write a Pro-Choice article using that character's voice.

The article is based on the question "What if Pro-Choice women were really as crazy as Pro-Life people think they are? What kind of an article would that person write about abortion?" It's funny from the point of a Pro-Choice individual because, for us, it's so obviously false.

I'm sorry if this is a little redundant, but I really want to try to make you understand this. That you thought that Onion article was real means that you have an extremely warped idea of what the average Pro-Choice individual believes. Please try to educate yourself about other people's views on abortion (when you aren't holding pictures of cut-up fetuses) before you write any more posts on the subject.
Jason Pratt | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 10:54 am | #

Gravatar It's nice to see that the internet is so readilly available to mentally retarded Americans. Keep up your awesome blog Pete.
Ricardo | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 10:58 am | #

Oh my G-d you had to look up the word "satire" didn't you. Why is everyone on the Anti-Choice side of the debate so bleeding stupid?
And, yes, there will be fewer unwanted pregnancies if there is better sex education and freer access to contraceptives in this country. It's not blaming Pro-lifers to say as much. It's the truth.
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 10:58 am | #

Gravatar Satire: a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn. Trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly.

Sorry, but your piece isn't literary, witty, or ironic -- just full of scorn and hatred.

"Murder" is defined as "illegal killing with malice aforethought." Abotion is not illegal. And there is no evidence to support that women feel any malice towards their own flesh and blood. Now please stop using big words you have no understanding of. Because if you want to go there, a man should be called a mass murderer and held accountable every time he whacks off and murders millions.

In the meanwhile, the vast majority of abortions are performed within the first trimester. At this stage, the fetus is a plug of mucous no bigger than a quarter. In other words, what anti-choicers basically worship is nothing more than snot. They couldn't tell a fetus from what they just blew out of their nose into a kleenex. But to hear them talk, you'd think there was a baby in there complete with diapers and rattles. Which just goes to show that men and the women that parrot them should stick to what they know about. Which is basically nothing. A fetus is no more a baby than an acorn is an oak tree.

As for a fetus feeling pain, one has to have a brain and a nervous system to accomplish that. Which is the last thing to complete in a fetus and doesn't occur until the 7th or 8th month. Ironically, it was anti-choicers who discovered that. Needless to say, they proved the opposite of what they set out to do.

It should be also noted that in biblical times, it was perfectly acceptable for women to have abortions right up until the quickening (which is when fetal movement is felt. Which occurs around the 5th month). Which is why abortion is never even mentioned in the bible. Religion and God bags are not the ones who banned abortion. It was physicians who originally banned abortion. Not for health reasons. But to seize the whole baby making process away from women and into the control of men. Unable to reproduce himself, men seek to control those who do. Women.

So much for anti-choicers' fantasies, superstitions, myths and fairy tales and other propaganda and rhetoric.

Now may I suggest that anti-choicers take up sheep herding? It ought to help curb their desire and need for power and control over others.
Luckynkl | 07.12.06 - 11:20 am | #

Gravatar Your parents should have aborted you when they had the chance.
Eric Wheat | 07.12.06 - 11:21 am | #

You are still a fucking douche...and all I can add to that is that it's a pity you, and the rest of your Pro-Life nazi movement weren't all aborted.
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 11:27 am | #

Gravatar The problem with stupidity is that you cannot argue with it. If you are more intelligent than the person with whom you are arguing, then you cannot make your point understood.

It seems clear to me that this author was completely oblivious to the point of the Onion's satire. Once he was berated for his foolishness, it seems as though he posted a full-on defensive "I knew that, I was just making my point" retort. That, in the long run, did nothing to redeem his credibility.

To the author: if you wish to use people's beliefs to bolster your argument for why people should be pro-life, that is fine. But using a fake person and her fake statements is not a wise idea and really only damages your arguments in the eyes of those undecided or of different opinion of you. If, in fact, that conversation with the second "woman" took place as you say outside one of the abortion clinics you picketed, then that would be a better example to use. But by using it *after* a fake one, it still lends a strong light of doubt over anything you claim at this point. I am sorry, but I don't believe anything you wrote in the second article as you proved yourself untrustworthy in the first.
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 12:00 pm | #

Gravatar Pete,
I left a comment yesterday about how Jesus let my retarded friend into heaven so I bet you could still get in. Well, I take that back. You're a moron and every time you talk you make every pro-lifer look a little more ape-like. Keep it up. I think it's hilarious even if Jesus does hate you for it.

What the hell am I wasting my time for? It's clear you don't actually READ your comments.
mmmmmm babies | 07.12.06 - 12:18 pm | #

1) Caroline Weber DOES NOT EXIST. And, as someone else pointed out, most of the Onion's writers are male, so the writer is probably physically incapable of getting an abortion.

2) Where are all these women who love getting painful elective surgery without being knocked out? Seriously. I've never met a single pro-choice woman who was enthused about the possibility of an abortion. This is because abortions are NOT, in fact, fun, enjoyable experiences. The asinine belief that any woman would enjoy PAINFUL SURGERY is one of the things the article is mocking. The fact that you bought it says something really sad about you.
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 12:44 pm | #

Gravatar So, am I to understand that, not being content to harass women entering clinics, you've moved on to harassing women who just happen to be near clinics, minding their own business and enjoying a sunny day? That doesn't make you a pro-life warrior, or whatever you imagine yourself to be. It just makes you a woman-hater, like most "pro-life" activists.
Jersey Tomato | 07.12.06 - 12:54 pm | #

Satire, huh?
http://www.cafepress.com/ feralvi...isions.65565584
sum dim | 07.12.06 - 12:54 pm | #

Gravatar Pete,

You better get back over to the Onion site quick. They're talking about you!

http://www.theonion.com/content/...tent/node/ 34204
Dennis | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 12:54 pm | #

Gravatar "Either way, I think I did a good job of turning the “satire” right back at them, don’t you?"

Not really. You just made you and your cause look ridiculous, and then proceeded to dig yourself an even deeper hole with this next article. Unless, of course, you're actually trying to convey this message by cleverly illustrating how quick-witted, socially aware, logical, open-minded, and reasonable right-wing religious types aren't.
SloppyC | 07.12.06 - 1:02 pm | #

I think you are the only person who is capable of getting uptight about a fake comedy article and make yourself look *worse* when you try to explain yourself.
Dustin | 07.12.06 - 1:04 pm | #

The Onion also has an article about an Anti-Abortion pill you may be interested in to help support your cause:
http://www.theonion.com/content/...tent/node/ 48199
Sketch | 07.12.06 - 1:11 pm | #

This post is nothing more then a classic backing over of your previous statements. You were and still are wrong to so blindly devote yourself to a cause without even stopping to think about what it is you're actually doing.

The onion is a satire site. You didn't know that, and now you try to cover it by saying you wrote a satire to the satire. People have been doing that in internet forums since 1995 my friend. It's nothing new. You would have been seen as far less ignorant if you had just bucked up and said, "yeah I fucked up, I'm sorry".
Chazwozel | 07.12.06 - 1:25 pm | #

Gravatar you are worthless.

i am pro aborting you.

could i have your mothers number so i can make sweet love to her and take her in my time machine and help her with the coat hanger

please please please kill yourself.

love brendan
brendan | 07.12.06 - 1:27 pm | #

Gravatar i wish i was a woman simply because i could then get a nice messy abortion and leave it on your doorstep. in fact, i think i may go get my girlfriend pregnant, force her to have an abortion, then have her hand deliver it to you. best of luck.
david | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 1:34 pm | #

hehehe... "irony is wasted on the stupid"
Kevin | 07.12.06 - 1:40 pm | #

Reading the two blogs and ensuing comments is the text version of watching all those Star Wars Kid parodies and mashups. In fact, we're all probably going to be named in a class action suit where Pete claims emotional distress and sues for punitive damages. Congratulations, Pete, on your 5 minutes of Internet fame! Now you should make a funny video for You Tube.

Ah, who am I kidding? Even these jokes are going over your head. You probably think You Tube is a famous Irish rock band.

Maybe I should resort to the famous "Cheers" line: Pete, what color is the sky in your world?
Reechard | 07.12.06 - 1:42 pm | #

Gravatar Please keep this site & post up. I want to nominate it for the Koufax Awards - most humorous post.
The Reality-Based Dave | 07.12.06 - 1:49 pm | #

My god, you are dense.
Juan | 07.12.06 - 1:54 pm | #

Gravatar Give up that abortion "thing". No money in it. Come join us, we're looking for people just like you!
Pastor Fred Phelps | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 2:05 pm | #

Is National Geographic filming this? I'm not sure I've ever seen so many lemmings in one place. Have you folks ever heard of piling on? There were a few clever jabs in there, but for the most part, this mean-spirited parade of comments has been simply disturbing.
Dumbfounded | 07.12.06 - 2:07 pm | #

Just in case no has made this point, abortion is not murder. Murder is illegal.
Boberelli | 07.12.06 - 2:09 pm | #

Gravatar Pete,

I'm seeing alot of hate being aimed in your direction, and a lot of hate spewing back from you, but what I am NOT seeing is what you plan on doing with un-aborted babies, or why you are so against contraceptives, or any ACTUAL statement of belief except 'abortionists are evil, godless murderers' and the like. Are you trying to stand up for the pro-life movement or are you just out to roust hate? What is it you believe other than pro-choice = evil?

and what right do you have to involve this supposedly real sunbather? she wasnt in line at the clinic, so why were you bothering her? she had nothing to do with your 'cause'. just like a christian to go dragging other people into your screwed up ideals... did it not occur to you that she might not care what you think?

I'm 8 months pregnant, but its nice to know that should I have decided not to have this baby, I wouldnt have to.

by the way, murder is illegal, abortion is not. therefore abortion is not murder. duh.

also, you seem to forget about the men who are "more than willing to get her pregnant". Men can and DO get multiple women pregnant much faster than a woman can get an abortion. Many men have unprotected sex and to hell with the consequences; after all, it's not their problem if the woman becomes pregnant, right? They leave and all the responsibility is laid on the women. Women are the evil sinners and the murderers. The men have NO responsibility??? If that's true, then they should have no voice in the matter.

and once again, why do MEN think they have a right to a vote on abortion? No uterus, No opinion. Period.
Atriphene Greene | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 2:11 pm | #

Irony is wasted on the stupid.
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 2:11 pm | #

Satire, huh? Show Ms. Weber and her godless commie pals that we won't stand for their type here in the U.S. of A. with t-shirts, beer steins, posters and more!



http://www.cafepress.com/ feralvi...isions.65565584
sum | 07.12.06 - 2:16 pm | #

Pete! Thank God for you and those who are willing to fight against these evil doers who mock Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Please keep posting and spread God's word to fight against the murderers and the sodomites and the mud-races.

In Service To Jesus Christ,
Pro-Life To The End! | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 2:25 pm | #

you are so overdramatic.

that whole anecdote about the woman in the park makes my point for me very nicely.
Anonymous | 07.12.06 - 2:44 pm | #

Gravatar No, however I do think you did an excellent job of displaying your ignorance.

Abortion is a serious topic and you seem to have the idea that you can tear apart or discredit anyone who thinks differently than you.

I don't expect to change your mind about this, but the last time I talked to anyone who had to seriously consider abortion as an option, there was no glee or joy or elation. It is not an easy decision for a woman to make and it is not (I understand) an easy procedure to endure. If you don't think the women who choose to do this take the decision very seriously, then you aremanipulating the situations to your own advantage. So very wrong.
minako | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 2:50 pm | #

Gravatar you ignorant sucker - being takin in by the Onion
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha haha
hahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
dave | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 3:02 pm | #

Gravatar If you want to reduce the number of abortions, abandon conservatism. The fewest abortions are in the most liberal coutries where they accept sex as a part of life. And they accept that it has consequences.

The US has a relatively high number of abortions because we don't adequately fund contraception services and there's a shame and stigma about sex and contraception propagated by the right.

You can be against abortion all you want, but realize what's going to reduce the number. Sex education and contraception will reduce abortions. Not ignorance and not making them illegal.
lovesexy | 07.12.06 - 3:09 pm | #

Gravatar see, this is really messing with my head. above, you have someone who seems to be supporting pete, and who makes a reference to saving us from "the mud races".

i mean, that's a joke, a parody, right? but then, if racism was going to find a home, and i'm not talking about that subtle Republican stuff, i'm talking full-blown Christian Identity wackjobbery, it would be here at this site. the irony of that notwithstanding, how am i to know? is anything here real? this was started with such astounding stupidity by someone whose beliefs are so pernicious, so maybe. but my head is really hurting.
Robert Green | Homepage | 07.12.06 - 3:17 pm | #

You know, if some creepy guy came up to me and started describing his fantasies about seeing me raped and murdered in graphic detail, I'd say anything I could to get the freak to shut up too.
Parma Violets | 07.12.06 - 3:30 pm | #

I’m sorry Pete, but you’re a moronic asshat. No, no really. You were caught with your proverbial pants down and instead of admitting your mistake, you go off on some tangent, which frankly I don’t buy. I don’t believe you had the testicular sac to talk to any woman, let alone this mystery woman who was (supposedly) minding her own business before you invaded her privacy. And based on your grammatical errors, typos and massive spelling mistakes, I seriously doubt you posses the brain capacity to make coherent sentences in any human-based language. You give the anti-choice movement an even worse name than it already has. You’re the type of person that just makes coming to some agreement on this issue impossible because of your obvious lack of education, your simpleton view of society, and your sanctimonious harping over what you believe is a universal morality. I’d image this post and all the big words I’m using are above your understanding, so I’ll put plainly: You have my pity because you are quite clearly a pathetic little boy. If you persist in your need to post your backwards views, do yourself a big favor: get your data straight and do some real research. Hey, you may learn something! That would be a novelty for you, I’d imagine. Now, please get this through your head: Miss (not Mess) Weber is, and this is key, NOT a person; The Onion is a joke; and your evident idiocy has brought you the wrath from both pro-choice and anti-choice sides. Hang on… maybe we should thank you. Because now both sides have something solid in common - our distain of your inanity. I guess kudos are in order then.
MR | 07.12.06 - 3:41 pm | #

Coward.

We can still find the comments threads, you know.

You claim that you shut down the comments threads because people posted your personal information. Well, that's dumb. First of all, you posted your own personal information on the web for anyone to Google. That's how people found the info in the first place! Second of all, you could have deleted the comments with your personal information without shutting down all the threads.

What a lame and transparent excuse for what we all know is the truth: you are a shame to the human species, and you refuse to redeem yourself in the only way possible--an acknowledgment of your error.

You are an idiot.
j | 07.12.06 - 5:29 pm | #

Oh, forgot one more thing. I am bookmarking and archiving all the comments, and I will be e-mailing links to everyone I know. You are not going to see the end of this.

You are an idiot.
j | 07.12.06 - 5:31 pm | #

Pete, in this case, your stupidity isn't funny. I can see that you truly believe in your fringe lunatic convictions. But I think the real reason you are "pro-life" is because none of the promiscuous women that you hate will sleep with you. Is it because you have a tiny penis, or your troll-like appearance?
abstinence pistols | 07.12.06 - 6:31 pm | #

Gravatar It's not often that I use the phrase "whiny titty baby" to describe a poster, because it's so Free Republic.

But this is one time it's totally appropriate.
Louise | 07.12.06 - 8:44 pm | #

Cafepress!??No way.Awesome.

I see you've disabled comments,Pete,but I just couldn't keep myself from barging in on the fun.

Anyway,I feel sorry for you already.And I mean that honestly...it's hard taking abuse for your beliefs,but hopefully you would AT LEAST read the more intelligent responses by commenters such as Katie and Luckynkl.But from your subsequent posts,it seems you have not.

Just let me tell you one thing:no matter how much you might crave control over women's lives,you will never,EVER,know what it is that is best for me or any other female person alive,do you hear that?Yet obviously,it is a barely-formed fetus,and not the life of an intelligent human being that garners more sympathy and respect in your ignorant,fundamentalist view.I could say so so much more,but I'll implore you again to read the recommended comments instead.I simply do not have the energy for your kind...

And if this comment thread keeps going,will you people stop calling petzo a retard?It's unnecessarily offensive to mentally disabled people,and I don't mean that in a derisively comparative way.Seriously.Frickin apes.
girl | 07.12.06 - 8:52 pm | #

Gravatar The problem here is that first, he quoted a very well known parody newspaper called The Onion under the impression that it was a real article.

His response to that article clearly shows that he took the article seriously. Then, after realizing that it was a parody, he reversed gears and tried to play the "I knew it was a joke all along you idiots!" angle and fell flat on his face in doing so.

He's completely destroyed his credibility. If he really cared about the cause he's fighting for, he would turn out the lights and let someone else carry the flame.

The good thing about the internet is that, if you truly fark up, you can pick a new moniker and start a new blog and carry on forward.

Learn from your mistakes and be a man.
Hahahahah | 07.12.06 - 9:49 pm | #

Let's Google bomb, as someone suggested.

I recommend "Clueless douchebag" as the target phrase.
j | 07.12.06 - 9:55 pm | #

I wonder how many unaborted children Pete has adopted to show how much he really cares about this issue? I wonder how many pro-lifers would adopt a child? a child of a different race? not many I suspect...
stu | 07.13.06 - 12:12 am | #

Gravatar Hi Pete.

Please, don't let these insane people convince you that you are somehow lacking in either common sense or intelligence. THEY are the insane ones, you are fine, and your thoughts are obviously inspiring to a great number of people.

I agree with you that abortion is murder and that all deluded females must be compelled to birth a child for each year that they are capable of doing so.

IT IS GOD'S WILL!!!!!! DON'T ARGUE WITH GOD!!!!! Even if you don't believe in a sky-spirit, He still believes in you!!!! God created all females to be used exclusively as breeding cows for the pleasure of their owners, why do the dirty whores resist such teachings???


Peace be upon you.
me | 07.13.06 - 12:15 am | #

YOU'RE stupid.
Jesus | 07.13.06 - 12:35 am | #

Oh God. This is fucking hilarious. Dear Pete, it's been said before, but your stupidity is truly amazing.
Sandra | 07.13.06 - 12:37 am | #

Plenty of "pro-aborts" wrote without swearing, as evidenced by the above. Stop spinning and lying about it. It only makes you look worse.
Tracy | 07.13.06 - 4:29 am | #

I have a very simple solution to the abortion/anti abortion debate.

Ban abortion.

Every resulting unwanted baby that results as a by product of banning abortion has to be raised and looked after by an anti abortionist.

You wanted the women to have these babies - you look after them.
mARK | 07.13.06 - 5:27 am | #

Gravatar Pete, your mother is sitting at home right now wishing she was more psyched about her abortion...
The Infectious Lerp | 07.13.06 - 2:09 pm | #

Gravatar Someone removed the section on Wikipedia's article about The Onion which mentions this, with the lame excuse: “rm [removed] blog stuff, this section just lists published/broadcasted incidents.”

But it will remain on the site for posterity: http://en.wikipedia.org/w/ index....taken_seriously
David Agnew | Homepage | 07.13.06 - 4:00 pm | #

Gravatar Someone removed the section on Wikipedia's article about The Onion which mentions this, with the lame excuse: “rm [removed] blog stuff, this section just lists published/broadcasted incidents.”

But it will remain on the site for posterity: http://en.wikipedia.org/w/ index....taken_seriously
David Agnew | Homepage | 07.13.06 - 4:02 pm | #

Gravatar He crossposted his response here:

http://www.prolifeblogs.com/arti...6/07/ satire.php

and if you have a typekey ID, you can comment there.

Have fun!!!
Peggy Archer | Homepage | 07.13.06 - 4:09 pm | #

Gravatar The entire series of stupid posts are mirrored here:

http://www.prolifeblogs.com/arti...ves/commentary/
Peggy Archer | Homepage | 07.13.06 - 4:14 pm | #

Gravatar Since ol' Petey disabled the embarassing comments section, commence retaliation:

March Together V 2.0
dtordini | 07.13.06 - 8:22 pm | #

I'm sure you pro-lifers will be happy to hear that I plan on donating profits from the sale of this merchandise to non-profit orgs such as Planned Parenthood and the ACLU. Thanks Pete!


http://www.cafepress.com/ feralvi...isions.65565584
dim sum | 07.13.06 - 11:52 pm | #
dim sum | 07.13.06 - 11:57 pm | #

http://www.cafepress.com/ feralvi...isions.65565584
dim sum | 07.13.06 - 11:58 pm | #

10:45 AM  

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